marriage- why i havent done it? - not because i am rats

#1
I found this article highly amusing...

The past few months have been littered with wedding after wedding, leaving my throat sore from idle bridesmaid chit-chat, my cheeks sore from inevitable slaps and a visit to the local quack, who has me popping ibuprofen like they are tic tacs to medicate my swollen air-guitar arm.


This morning, I even began to ponder my reflection in the mirror. And, I’m sorry ladies, there is no denying the fact that my professional darts player-esque physique is slowly heading south. Lounging covertly in my cubicle today, I felt a tad more worse for wear than usual. In desperate need of some serious R&R, I released myself so that I could totter off for one of my many daily siestas. Today the floor under the boardroom desk seemed to hit the spot. One thought often cheers me up in these situations: the fact that my freedom is intact and I remain young, single and a menace to young ladies’ society is always a pick-me-up. Many of my erstwhile friends have been foolish enough to tie themselves down to ladies whose ultimate goal is to slowly remove their testicles.

This process has even been televised. Today, one can watch Jodie Marsh’s hunt to emasculate an innocent man. She plans to wobble around the UK touting her hatchet nosed mug, until she finds some poor sod drunk enough to pop the question. Personally, I can think of nothing worse that waking up to the marital machinations of this big boobed harlot. Chaps please take note: By remaining single and care free one can really appreciate the true meaning of marriage…a big drunken party loosely disguised by a “wedding ceremony”. However, if you do find the right, small group of Swedish playboy models having a jelly fight, you may justifiably feel that your marital status could be swayed.

Bitter
 
#2
bitterandtwisted said:
whose ultimate goal is to slowly remove their testicles.
Bitter
Who says we want to do it slowly???

Marriage is overrated, the only seemingly good thing about it is having someone ear-marked to wipe your bottie when time takes it toll or rather when alcohol takes effect!! ;-)
 
#4
Having been married for an entire month I can say that it has its ups and downs.

Firstly, there is an increase of fine looking ladies that have come out of hiding and now seem to find the time to bend over in front of me and allow me a sneaky view of their jubblies. I'll let you decide whether this is a good point or not.
It's also quite disturbing how many chicks want to chat to you just because you have a wedding ring on. Maybe you're seen as 'safe' (not in a chav way) or because they want to corrupt a married bloke. I'm not sure. All women are snakes with tits anyhow.

Secondly, there is less sex. I didn't think it possible, but it is.

On the plus side watching her go through the pain of having to change her name is a giggle plus the being able to say "oi wifey..." and get away with it is a winner.

I'll report back in a few months and let you know if I've binned her or not.
 
#5
Getting married scares the hell out of me to much commitment

always having to think of the other person in your life , doing the washing ,cooking ,cleaning .

Always have to let them have sport on in the lounge when you want to watch your programmes , Having to ask them for money when you independent you could buy what you want when you want .


Being single is great , you can just do your own thing . Getting married is to scary for me .

Its nice talking to married men as they only talk and dont do anything else infact they are well trained and dont want you for some sex only someone to have a debriefing with which suits me fine .
 
#7
StabTiffy2B said:
I'll report back in a few months and let you know if I've binned her or not.
Or, indeed if she has binned you...

msr
 
#8
msr said:
Or, indeed if she has binned you...

msr
Indeed. Not to panic though. I've always got a back up plan. :wink:
 
#9
The reason you haven't married is because I got there first, five times so far!

You can help yourself to my 4 hand me downs, but by the time I finish with them they are all rabid man haters with a house full of kids!

Marriage is great as long as you don't confuse it with monogamy or celibacy.

I also find that even if you share a bed with a wonderful young nymphomaniac, it's no reason not to have a wa'nk!
 
#10
cernunnos said:
The reason you haven't married is because I got there first, five times so far!

You can help yourself to my 4 hand me downs, but by the time I finish with them they are all rabid man haters with a house full of kids!

Marriage is great as long as you don't confuse it with monogamy or celibacy.

I also find that even if you share a bed with a wonderful young nymphomaniac, it's no reason not to have a wa'nk!
This is a tad off-topic, but, chatting to my friend/neighbour a few years ago, I was absolutely flabberghasted at his shag:marriage ratio. At his (then) age of nearly 50, he had had sex with three women, in his lifetime, and married all three. Extraordinary.
 
#12
GoldenEagle where on Earth do you find married men who can behave like that?? If you have a zip code for where please share 8O
My experience is they actually get worse after marriage.
 
#13
In my 45 years on this earth, I have spend 18 months actually married. I think I am of the Gloria Steinem school; when asked why she hadn't married, she replied, "I can't mate in captivity".
 
#14
Marriage.... my favourite subject.

What an outdated outmoded overpriced, overhyped fucking nonsense.

the only thing gayer than a wedding is Christmas, and thats just as ultimately fucking dissapointing but not as much of a pain in the rectum, but at least at Christmas you don't have to look at some huge fat cunt shoe horned into a meringue shaped dress, dancing with a bloke who looks like he's going to the gallows as he realises he's just legally shackled himself to the creature hanging onto him, as a plethora of mokey relatives, and grandparents who look like they should be back in the ground tuck into food that would get an RLC fat splasher a hiding in the bar, and observe the sheepish grins of his "mates" as they wish him luck, while thinking "you're going to need it you fucking mug, she's gonna take the GDP of a small country to keep in hob nobs"

Marriage is an anagram of "cheers easy"....almost.
 
#15
flowers said:
bitterandtwisted said:
whose ultimate goal is to slowly remove their testicles.
Bitter
Who says we want to do it slowly???

Marriage is overrated, the only seemingly good thing about it is having someone ear-marked to wipe your bottie when time takes it toll or rather when alcohol takes effect!! ;-)
Now you know I don't have to marry you to do that.

Same time as usual? My fee has increased though, no choice since you started eating more curries. :wink:
 
#16
these days Marriage is not forever and I am put off it by the fallouts and how the legal system is favouring Women, first you lose you half of your House if you paid for it before she came on the scene, she would be entitled to half of your Pension so you cannot escape her at all, no clean break, she can go back to work and pick up where she has left off, if she can sue, then surely the Guy can sue for half of her earning and property, it cuts both ways, unfortunately it does look like Its always the big bad Blokes fault.

No I am not married, I think LATs is the way forward in this materialistic sue crazy society, I am quite happy to have Kids and live together, but I would have to be 110% sure, even if it falls apart, I would rather make my own private child support arrangement and I make sure it actually goes to pay for the kids not the Mothers lifestyle accoutrements, no CSA there is no greater force to destroy families than them. :evil:

LATs = Living Apart Together
 
#17
semper said:
these days Marriage is not forever and I am put off it by the fallouts and how the legal system is favouring Women, first you lose you half of your House if you paid for it before she came on the scene, she would be entitled to half of your Pension so you cannot escape her at all, no clean break, she can go back to work and pick up where she has left off, if she can sue, then surely the Guy can sue for half of her earning and property, it cuts both ways, unfortunately it does look like Its always the big bad Blokes fault.

No I am not married, I think LATs is the way forward in this materialistic sue crazy society, I am quite happy to have Kids and live together, but I would have to be 110% sure, even if it falls apart, I would rather make my own private child support arrangement and I make sure it actually goes to pay for the kids not the Mothers lifestyle accoutrements, no CSA there is no greater force to destroy families than them. :evil:

LATs = Living Apart Together
I was going to let that one go, but my brain took over and went into rant mode, if by lifestyle accoutrements you mean feeding, clothing, keeping a roof over heads then i dont know a mother in the land that is not guilty of that. Where do you guys get off thinking that the pittance you pay towards your children comes anywhere close to covering the cost of actually caring for them. If you are not happy about it try actually doing it for a while. I will happily pay you the thirty pounds a week maintainance i get and see if you can bring up two kids on it.


off to lie in a quiet place till the red fog lifts.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#18
flowers said:
bitterandtwisted said:
whose ultimate goal is to slowly remove their testicles.
Bitter
Who says we want to do it slowly???

Marriage is overrated, the only seemingly good thing about it is having someone ear-marked to wipe your bottie when time takes it toll or rather when alcohol takes effect!! ;-)
And I am very grateful to you for your ministrations. You do it so well.
 
#19
Hmmmm revisiting this topic this morning I posed the question in the office:

Mum of one and married for two years: Overrated, and where has the sex gone?!

Father of two married 10 yrs: Where did the sex go? (He has slept in the spare room for nigh on 3 years - whaaaaat???)

Father of one, married a year (although been with wife 9 yrs): No fcuking different, wished I'd saved the money from the wedding and bought sports car!

With my deductions from this short straw poll, it seems that getting married makes sex go down the drain, money to be eaten up by a 'big do' and pressure put on you to start producing sprogs (euuuugh!!!) the moment the ink is dired.
You can do all three anyway without a marriage certificate. So what difference does marriage actually make? Is there a point to it?

I'd rather take the money for the wedding, buy an aston martin and have sex all night long in the back of it whilst flicking the V's at the insitution that is marriage.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#20
flowers said:
Hmmmm revisiting this topic this morning I posed the question in the office:

Mum of one and married for two years: Overrated, and where has the sex gone?!

Father of two married 10 yrs: Where did the sex go? (He has slept in the spare room for nigh on 3 years - whaaaaat???)

Father of one, married a year (although been with wife 9 yrs): No fcuking different, wished I'd saved the money from the wedding and bought sports car!

With my deductions from this short straw poll, it seems that getting married makes sex go down the drain, money to be eaten up by a 'big do' and pressure put on you to start producing sprogs (euuuugh!!!) the moment the ink is dired.
You can do all three anyway without a marriage certificate. So what difference does marriage actually make? Is there a point to it?

I'd rather take the money for the wedding, buy an aston martin and have sex all night long in the back of it whilst flicking the V's at the insitution that is marriage.
No, I hate to disagree with you, but I have to. Aston Martins are not for having sex in, but for having sex with!

Instead, pick me up in your car, and I will pay for the room at the 'Squidgy Bed and Red-Hot times' motel ( rooms with hourly rates).
 
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