marriage- why i havent done it? - not because i am rats

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bitterandtwisted, Jul 24, 2007.

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  1. I found this article highly amusing...

    The past few months have been littered with wedding after wedding, leaving my throat sore from idle bridesmaid chit-chat, my cheeks sore from inevitable slaps and a visit to the local quack, who has me popping ibuprofen like they are tic tacs to medicate my swollen air-guitar arm.

    This morning, I even began to ponder my reflection in the mirror. And, I’m sorry ladies, there is no denying the fact that my professional darts player-esque physique is slowly heading south. Lounging covertly in my cubicle today, I felt a tad more worse for wear than usual. In desperate need of some serious R&R, I released myself so that I could totter off for one of my many daily siestas. Today the floor under the boardroom desk seemed to hit the spot. One thought often cheers me up in these situations: the fact that my freedom is intact and I remain young, single and a menace to young ladies’ society is always a pick-me-up. Many of my erstwhile friends have been foolish enough to tie themselves down to ladies whose ultimate goal is to slowly remove their testicles.

    This process has even been televised. Today, one can watch Jodie Marsh’s hunt to emasculate an innocent man. She plans to wobble around the UK touting her hatchet nosed mug, until she finds some poor sod drunk enough to pop the question. Personally, I can think of nothing worse that waking up to the marital machinations of this big boobed harlot. Chaps please take note: By remaining single and care free one can really appreciate the true meaning of marriage…a big drunken party loosely disguised by a “wedding ceremony”. However, if you do find the right, small group of Swedish playboy models having a jelly fight, you may justifiably feel that your marital status could be swayed.

  2. Who says we want to do it slowly???

    Marriage is overrated, the only seemingly good thing about it is having someone ear-marked to wipe your bottie when time takes it toll or rather when alcohol takes effect!! ;-)
  3. Alternatively you can just admit that you are as gay as a daisy and make an honest man(?) of yourself!
  4. Having been married for an entire month I can say that it has its ups and downs.

    Firstly, there is an increase of fine looking ladies that have come out of hiding and now seem to find the time to bend over in front of me and allow me a sneaky view of their jubblies. I'll let you decide whether this is a good point or not.
    It's also quite disturbing how many chicks want to chat to you just because you have a wedding ring on. Maybe you're seen as 'safe' (not in a chav way) or because they want to corrupt a married bloke. I'm not sure. All women are snakes with tits anyhow.

    Secondly, there is less sex. I didn't think it possible, but it is.

    On the plus side watching her go through the pain of having to change her name is a giggle plus the being able to say "oi wifey..." and get away with it is a winner.

    I'll report back in a few months and let you know if I've binned her or not.
  5. Getting married scares the hell out of me to much commitment

    always having to think of the other person in your life , doing the washing ,cooking ,cleaning .

    Always have to let them have sport on in the lounge when you want to watch your programmes , Having to ask them for money when you independent you could buy what you want when you want .

    Being single is great , you can just do your own thing . Getting married is to scary for me .

    Its nice talking to married men as they only talk and dont do anything else infact they are well trained and dont want you for some sex only someone to have a debriefing with which suits me fine .
  6. goldeneagle2, are you in the AAC or connected to it by a relative etc?
  7. msr

    msr LE

    Or, indeed if she has binned you...

  8. Indeed. Not to panic though. I've always got a back up plan. :wink:
  9. The reason you haven't married is because I got there first, five times so far!

    You can help yourself to my 4 hand me downs, but by the time I finish with them they are all rabid man haters with a house full of kids!

    Marriage is great as long as you don't confuse it with monogamy or celibacy.

    I also find that even if you share a bed with a wonderful young nymphomaniac, it's no reason not to have a wa'nk!
  10. This is a tad off-topic, but, chatting to my friend/neighbour a few years ago, I was absolutely flabberghasted at his shag:marriage ratio. At his (then) age of nearly 50, he had had sex with three women, in his lifetime, and married all three. Extraordinary.
  11. Who was it who said after his last divorce " I am not getting marred again, I am simply going to find a woman I don't like - and give her a house!!"" ?
  12. GoldenEagle where on Earth do you find married men who can behave like that?? If you have a zip code for where please share 8O
    My experience is they actually get worse after marriage.
  13. In my 45 years on this earth, I have spend 18 months actually married. I think I am of the Gloria Steinem school; when asked why she hadn't married, she replied, "I can't mate in captivity".
  14. Marriage.... my favourite subject.

    What an outdated outmoded overpriced, overhyped fucking nonsense.

    the only thing gayer than a wedding is Christmas, and thats just as ultimately fucking dissapointing but not as much of a pain in the rectum, but at least at Christmas you don't have to look at some huge fat cunt shoe horned into a meringue shaped dress, dancing with a bloke who looks like he's going to the gallows as he realises he's just legally shackled himself to the creature hanging onto him, as a plethora of mokey relatives, and grandparents who look like they should be back in the ground tuck into food that would get an RLC fat splasher a hiding in the bar, and observe the sheepish grins of his "mates" as they wish him luck, while thinking "you're going to need it you fucking mug, she's gonna take the GDP of a small country to keep in hob nobs"

    Marriage is an anagram of "cheers easy"....almost.
  15. Now you know I don't have to marry you to do that.

    Same time as usual? My fee has increased though, no choice since you started eating more curries. :wink: