Marriage Crisis

F

flash_to_bang

Guest
#1
:(
Newspaper report says less than half the army are married personnel-down 9% -ie about 10000-that is ten thousand married soldiers have left in the last year or have got divorced.  The divorce rate is twice the national average-couldn't be to do with overstretch could it???
 
#2
Some Stat FTB!

Having worked with Foreign Office and seen the treatment thier spouses get when poor hubby gets sent overseas somewhere (ie compensation for loss of job etc) our girls in Ron Hills are just - well - second class extra baggage!
 
#4
The escalating failure of marriage rate is at least partly due to the fact that the army has not yet got its head around the fact that army wives are no longer camp followers content to mirror their husbands rank and pecking order; they are no longer uneducated and happy to do a bit of cleaning arouind the patch or work in the NAAFI and then go home to a quarter placed strategically a score of miles from the nearest shopping centre.  They are quite possibly in possesion of higher eduacational qualifications than those held by their husband's officers.  And - here lieth the crunch - are often capable of earning more than their husband due to the poor rates of pay attracted by those to whom they are betrothed.  Why should a wife be expected to give up a good job and a satisfying career to follow her husband around a series of isolated postings?  If we paid our soldiers in accordance with their committment to serve their country rather than constantly curtailing their allowances and carefully increasing their quartering charges to negate any annual pay rises then we might have half a chance of keeping army families together.
 
#5
The escalating failure of marriage rate is at least partly due to the fact that the army has not yet got its head around the fact that army wives are no longer camp followers content to mirror their husbands rank and pecking order; they are no longer uneducated and happy to do a bit of cleaning arouind the patch or work in the NAAFI and then go home to a quarter placed strategically a score of miles from the nearest shopping centre.  They are quite possibly in possesion of higher eduacational qualifications than those held by their husband's officers.  And - here lieth the crunch - are often capable of earning more than their husband due to the poor rates of pay attracted by those to whom they are betrothed.  Why should a wife be expected to give up a good job and a satisfying career to follow her husband around a series of isolated postings?  If we paid our soldiers in accordance with their committment to serve their country rather than constantly curtailing their allowances and carefully increasing their quartering charges to negate any annual pay rises then we might have half a chance of keeping army families together.
what a quality answer!!!  there are still many dinosaurs that think LOA is to make up for the fact your wife can't gain employment in her chosen career and you will have probably heard them say "you're in the army, you work 24 hrs a day.)  well, i'm sorrry, i don't and actually have something outwith my job.  ie. a family...if you want to work 24 hrs a day, crack on and enjoy your life in the block.  (or the mess)...
 
#6
And when will the "powers that be" realise that a soldier who is happy at home because his wife and family are fulfilled and contented (and with an income that is not embarrassingly low) will be much more likely to be a soldier happy at work, achieving his/her best and thus fulfilling the expectations of the money that has been spent training him/her?  But I'm wasting my breath, because the Chancellor doesn't read these pages, and it's him we have to convince that the Army needs shed loads more money than it is allocated at present if we are to have a hope of defending the nation let alone bolstering the PM's ego abroad!
 
#7
Guys, this is very interesting stuff.  I have posted on another board for tips (I'm a civvy) on keeping my man happy and supporting him while he is on tour later this year.

We are not married but I take the responsibility for his happiness and emotional security very seriously (and it's a two way thing).   I am not from an army background and so am not familiar with the form.  Many of my friends ask whether I fancy the idea of being an army wife because the traditional role is associated with scarifice and pressures of separation and low(er) income, although I agree that times are changing and many army wives and girlfriends have/keep careers.

He is the first man I have met for whom I would give up my job if I had to (ie for overseas posting) and move.

Purple's comments about soldiers being happy at home are spot on and my chap tells me as much.
 
#8
Having just bought a house with my partner, neither of us can afford to give up our jobs. However she does earn 30-40% more than I do, and the potential to earn a helluva lot more.

Here's the problem. I have approximately 8 years left in the Army and as I am past my 14 year point they have me by the short and curlies as I have to stay in to keep my meagre pension, which is less than a captain who has only done 16 years, but thats another story. Anyway I digress, the question is - Do I stay a dissgruntled singlie who has a strong,stable,happy,unmarried,unaccompanied relationship. OR do I get married,give up my day job, stay in the SE of England with the wifie and let her earn the cash and pay the bills OR does she give up her job, sell the house, move to a pokey little 'Other ranks' MQ, and get treated like a fifth class citizen for the rest of her days. ???

Answers on a postcard to the CGS.
 
#9
It's a tough decision jock.  My wife left the Army to have our son and since then has done a number of jobs depending on where we were at the time.  Recently she was doing exceptionally well and was promoted a number of times in quick succesion.  However, she has had to come to the conclusion that she can never have a career whilst I am in the Army.  When I am posted, we do not want to be seperated (otherwise we would not have got married in the first place would we?) and so she has to pack in her job no matter how well she was doing.

She says she is happy enough to do this but I feel bad that this had to be the case.  Maybe once I am out she will be able to start a new career if she wants to.

All the best mate and hope your decision works out for you and the wife.

 
#10
Often thought that the Armed Forces should provide 'resettlement' for spouses after each posting, coupled with a contributary spouses pension scheme.

Often thought too about flagging this one up for the AFF to push through the relative channels but I'm far too busy dealing with domestics..... ::)
 
#11
Deep in the bowels of the electronic battle box is some malarkey about the Moral Component.

Within that is discussion about the Military Covenant between the Army, the soldier and their families.

We all know where these circles overlap and where they fail to meet.  Perhaps we need to rewrite our doctrine to account for the service we can afford, as opposed to the service we believe in????
 
#12
Being fairly new to this site I have been zipping about looking at all of the different forums and boards.

It's nice to see the serious stuff being talked about and hear some different opinions, as well as the shameless tom foolery that I know and love so well.

That's it. :)
 
#13
Totally forgot what I was going to say there...

I think the treatment other halves get is at best average and generally fairly shoddy. I have no bitter experiences of my own and come from a pretty forward thinking unit. There does seem to be a grass roots desire for better understanding from the authorities with regards families. Where this will come from and who drives it, i don't know, but hopefully it won't be too long coming.
 
#14
I spent the last twenty years moving with my other half and the kids to a few places.
When we first married, wives were really treated badly, regardless of the fact they might be well educated or have a better job, it also didnt even matter what rank your husband was as the powers that be just didnt care.

Thankfully it has changed over the years, and Bodie is correct in saying some wives are no longer happy to give up well paid jobs to follow thier husbands and become cleaners, waitresses, or work in the Naafi.

The sad thing is though it is okay when you live in the UK, but when you move to places like Germany, Cyprus or anywhere else abroad, good jobs with good pay are very hard to find.

I have worked in all three jobs whilst abroad, the money was crap, but I wanted a job and they were the only ones I could get at the time.

Now we are back in the UK, I have got a job back in my orginal proffession which is highly paid.
 
#15
I believe that their is a proposal being considered at present by the powers that be to try and tie in with a global recruiting and training agency to offer wives and girlfriends support and assistance when looking for work/training both in the UK and abroad - this would be a great scheme if it could get the go ahead and might help solve some of the issues surrounding cash that affects all familioes whether in or out of the services.

Wait out on it though, as it might not appear till 2004
 
#17
Regarding support to wives and girlfriends re jobs, most HIVES provide this information, and if they don't they should !

The problem is not so much in the UK but abroad. Much can be done by Unit or Garrison Welfare Officers.
 
M

Monkeyboy

Guest
#18
Ramillies,
I think u are living in the past. 8O

The majority of soldiers in our days live away from the camps. They have lives outside of the Army(Difficult u may find that to understand).

This is a new thing for the Army! But most people work the Army they do not live it any more!

That said The F_ CK AROUND factor is an ever increasing problem. Less people more work.

The wages are not in keeping with civilian jobs when the time factors are taken into consideration.

Men signing off is increasing and recruitment is not getting any better as Joe Civ realises that joining the Army does not get you to travel.

The days of work hard play hard have now turned into work hard, work hard! Added to by a large degree of crisis management! Not because the managers are inept, but because it is the only way they can react to the pressure imposed.

In fact to stand on a soap box lets look at rent. You get a pay rise and what happens? The cost of your quarter increases by the same amount. What is going on there? It is time the Army realised that it doesn't employ Cannon Fodder any more! People understand when they are being S_ _fted. In the case of the Army if the men in power don't wake up to this soon I feel that National Service may be introduced!!! Not because it is a good idea but because it will be the only way that we will get soldiers onto courses. What next a Union? Food for thought I think.
 
#19
The majority of soldiers in our days live away from the camps. They have lives outside of the Army(Difficult u may find that to understand).
This is a new thing for the Army! But most people work the Army they do not live it any more!
I don't have a problem with this and encourage it - excellent news.

The wages are not in keeping with civilian jobs when the time factors are taken into consideration.
I agree again !

Men signing off is increasing and recruitment is not getting any better
Not true. It may be correct in your unit but across the Army recruiting is up. Retention figures are roughly constant. See half way down this article:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/military/story/0,11816,1072357,00.html

I take your remaining points re hard work et al. Yes.. more and more is being asked of us but world and national events are outside our control. Fingers crossed that when we get out of Iraq the pressure will be eased !
 

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