Marriage Advice (Guidance) for Newly Weds from those who have been there....

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Try and keep there are pictures of me on here.

What she said.

To be fair she only asked for half the equity in the house.
Solicitor was a family friend and didn't charge me a penny and she knew he specialised in divorce, I also got shared custody of the kids and once they finished school both came to live with me as there were less rules at my gaff.

The local Eastern Europeans smash them off within days of them being put on so they've pretty much given up on the idea.

*fewer rules.
I may be enjoying two weeks on Exmoor, but a grammar Nazi never sleeps. ;-)
 
*fewer rules.
I may be enjoying two weeks on Exmoor, but a grammar Nazi never sleeps. ;-)

Yeah, but you missed the omission in his first sentence. ;-)
 

FORMER_FYRDMAN

LE
Book Reviewer
Marriage is like a pack of cards:
You start with two hearts and a diamond, and you end up with a club and a spade.
 
Also if your wife dreams that you have been unfaithful, you should apologise profusely for being a bastard and make suitable amends.
However if you get radio silence for a few days don't make it obvious that you are enjoying the peace and quiet.

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Another story that I'm sure I've told on here....

My fiancee and I spent most of our time together in a long distance relationship, so the times we had together were very precious to me. They still are.

However, one fine night I was awoke to shouting and pain in my ribs and arm. it took a few minutes to realise that she was punching me repeatedly and shouting at me. Now, A was a polyglot and could swear at my in about 25 different languages. Most of what she was saying I couldn't understand, and I was just trying to stop her punching me.

Eventually she calmed down enough to call me a bastard for sleeping with her sister.

who I hadn't actually met at this point.

When I reminded her of this, she grabbed a pillow and stormed off to sleep in the spare room. She spent the next few days in a foul mood and barely talking to me. Eventually, she admitted she had been dreaming that she caught me shagging her sister and just lost it. We made up...extensively. The ending of the story was when I did meet her sister a few months later, I was surprised at the resemblance to A (photos I'd seen didn't do the level of doppelganger justice) I looked at A and before I could open my mouth, she muttered "don't you ******* dare"

I haven't seen her sister since the funeral, She's tried to call me on skype a few times since then, but her mother and I had a massive falling out over the whole arrangements and she just looks too much like A for me to cope.
 
Unfortunately while she was ok looking her last girlfriend I saw was a little butch.

Looking back I should have known something was up as she had some new 'interests' in the bedroom. She'd always been a bit partial to having her back doors kicked in but she suddenly suggested other things I would have never thought of suggesting.

Worst insult is she never offered a threesome the stingy bitch.

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in but she suddenly suggested other things I would have never thought of suggesting.

Care to share, just asking for a friend...
 
Okay, here is the test to see if you have been paying attention and learned anything.

Can anyone give me three reasons why you should not try defrosting a freezer using your wife's hairdyer and a screw driver?
20190802_175911.jpg
 
Okay, here is the test to see if you have been paying attention and learned anything.

Can anyone give me three reasons why you should not try defrosting a freezer using your wife's hairdyer and a screw driver?View attachment 408363
1. a pallet knife would be better
2. If its still icy/not fully melted you haven't planned in enough time to cover up inevitable cockups
3. If you used one of those free standing hot air blowers, you'd have both hands free for a beer/cup of tea & biscuit
 
1. a pallet knife would be better
2. If its still icy/not fully melted you haven't planned in enough time to cover up inevitable cockups
3. If you used one of those free standing hot air blowers, you'd have both hands free for a beer/cup of tea & biscuit


Get the wife to do it, its her fridge, she controls the food rations, its women's work, then get yourself down the pub.
 
Do NOT use a hot air blower on a refrigeration system. Various bits of the circuit use coolant as a vapour or liquid at high and low pressures. These have to be in the right part of the circuit. Heat in the body of the fridge can cause pressure damage to components. Just take it outside, put two bricks under the back end and leave to drain through the open door. Impatient buggers.
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
These things always go better with a handy choon or two to keep the learning points to mind.

I was going to post ' Batchelor Boy' by...er.....The Batchelors - but fortunately Sir James of Hendrix elbowed his way into the discussion with this sage advice:


' That was the good side baby....here come the b-aa-a-a-ad side:

For ten years they been married
A thousand kids runnin' around hungry
Cos their mama's a louse
And Daddy's down at the whiskey house

So you say you wanna be married
You must be losin' your .... weak lil mind.
I ain't ready yet baby
Let me live a little while longer...
 
These things always go better with a handy choon or two to keep the learning points to mind.

I was going to post ' Batchelor Boy' by...er.....The Batchelors - but fortunately Sir James of Hendrix elbowed his way into the discussion with this sage advice:


' That was the good side baby....here come the b-aa-a-a-ad side:

For ten years they been married
A thousand kids runnin' around hungry
Cos their mama's a louse
And Daddy's down at the whiskey house

So you say you wanna be married
You must be losin' your .... weak lil mind.
I ain't ready yet baby
Let me live a little while longer...

Guns n Roses classic 'Used to love' would fit the thread nicely


I used to love her but I had to kill her
I used to love her, oh yeah but I had to kill her
I had to put her six feet under
And I can still hear her complain
I used to love her, oh yeah but I had to kill her
I used to love her, ooh yeah but I had to kill her
I knew I'll miss her so I had to keep her
She's buried right in my back yard
Oh yeah, ooh yeah, whoa oh yeah
I used to love her, but I had to kill her
I used to love her, ooh yeah but I had to kill her
She bitched so much, she drove me nuts
And now…
 
Do NOT use a hot air blower on a refrigeration system. Various bits of the circuit use coolant as a vapour or liquid at high and low pressures. These have to be in the right part of the circuit. Heat in the body of the fridge can cause pressure damage to components. Just take it outside, put two bricks under the back end and leave to drain through the open door. Impatient buggers.
I'd have a job moving it, its built in job. The misses wouldn't be too happy if I tried ripping that out..
 
Quick update for anyone who has just joined the ranks of the unwashed.

Promising HWMBO she can have a new kitchen, then going out and buying a new car instead isn't a wise move, unless you are particularly fond of Coventry and cook it yourself dinners. Flowers dont come anywhere near...
 
I'd have a job moving it, its built in job. The misses wouldn't be too happy if I tried ripping that out..
[/QUOTE
borrow a wallpaper steamer,.............(******* amateur )
 
Okay, here is the test to see if you have been paying attention and learned anything.

Can anyone give me three reasons why you should not try defrosting a freezer using your wife's hairdyer and a screw driver?View attachment 408363

I just used a hammer and pliers and things to chisel off the ice...the fridge at my old place was notorious for forming huge chunks of ice, despite the temp being down. Yes, I was given the responsibility - no, not married.

It was like a polar expedition.
 
My wife is convinced that I have a hearing problem, she's always telling me to have a hearing test (I had to have one for work and theres nothing wrong with my hearing) the Daughters and Granddaughters (the 4 year old told me this week that I needed a hearing aid because I couldn't hear her) are also convinced I have hearing issues.
Neither of my sons have noticed this issue but apparently the eldest also has hearing issues (he's married), give it a couple of years and the younger son will also have hearing issues as he's getting married next year.
The missus thinks it could be hereditary because apparently my Dad was deaf too.


hearing aid.png
 
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Get married on a date you will remember. In my case 27th May - anniversary of the sinking of the Bismark... :)

I managed to get married on her birthday. Clever thinking that is, means first year I didn't need to get her a present, and I only have one date to remember. Equally she only needs one present for two occasions.

Or at least that was my theory.

So fast forward a bit to this year, and guess who came within a gnats whisker of forgetting that one date? I feel that this would have been a bad thing to do.
 
I managed to get married on her birthday. Clever thinking that is, means first year I didn't need to get her a present, and I only have one date to remember. Equally she only needs one present for two occasions.

Or at least that was my theory.

So fast forward a bit to this year, and guess who came within a gnats whisker of forgetting that one date? I feel that this would have been a bad thing to do.


Understatement of the decade, you sir, are a very fortunate man, had you totally forgot, the next 40+ years would have been hell on earth, you must get it tattooed on your forearm, you can not begin to imagine the world of grief and pain that is heading your way should you forget next year, remember, she has a mother, may be sisters, and best mates, all on her side, ..just think about that for a few seconds....frightening isn't it!

( From a 41 year wed old campaigner)
 
I married on the same date as a great parliamentary reform and not likely to forget. 30th Jan (look it up).
 

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