Map of Africa - swamping/pee related threads here please

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by the_rigger, Jan 17, 2003.

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  1. Gents, I know it is a common occurence in Military Life, but are there any particular splash down incidents that stick out in ones memory?
    I remember two incidents, one being a bed swamp that was dry from the waist down, but soaking from the waist up including the pillow. Did this man have wood? Go figure.
    The other incident was in Bosnia where the same chap lagged in his maggot 20 times in 21 nights. Needless to say his "sleeping system" smelt like a phone box at closing time.
  2. lived in the next pit space to a guy who couldnt drink without splashing down. He used to do it in lockers and kettles, then deny all knowledge. Bloody retch. I can see this thread making a fast dash for the NAAFI bar rigger!!  :eek:
  3. Used to have a neighbour who was prone to drunken latenight wanderings - his most notorious target was the vegetable rack (needless to say his missus wasnt too impressed with his choice of unloading-bay!)
  4. I've met a few "midnight firemen" in my time, but the crown prince of swamping was a little scottish man who liked to urinate on everybody elses wanking chariots. He and his tiny ginger penis terrorised the living accomodation at 216 Sig Sqn Aldershot for about 4 years. If the "wee stinker" as he came to be known as, was on a bender, everybody had their lockers locked and mattresses in bivvy-bags. He managed to piss his own bed almost every single night. His mattress looked the Turin Shroud.
  5. Many years ago when Nelson still had both arms, I was an Officer Under Training in HMS Invincible.  One of the duties of the Officer of the Watch in harbour was to go round the accommodation, with the Quartermaster (not a blanket stacker), in the "wee" hours to check all was well.  On one occasion in Gib we were greeted with the sight of a bootneck bandsmen climbing out of his top bunk and peeing all over his oppo's jeans that were draped on a chair.  He seemed oblivious to us even with both our torches shining full in his face.  I suppose you could say he was "focussed".  History does not relate how his oppo reacted the following morning.

    There are two types of officer:

    1)  Those that pee in sinks.


    2) Those that deny it.
  6. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    Whilst using the ranges at Lydd, the troops had a couple of socialble sherries in Folkstone, (Why did we bother)- and the Ferret was worse for wear, yacking over one of the lads in the taxi and finally collapsing on his scratcher at about 3am. At reveille at 6am, he is found bleary eyed and fully clothed with his 501's round his ankles, gortex boots still on and the worse case of ammonia induced trench foot I have ever seen.

    Oh and he'd he yacked all over his Gortex jacket, which was offered to him by his drunken room mate. (Who himself had shocked an attached SSgt at 5am, in the ablutions, flossing himself after $hitting himself. You know who you are- you ba$tards!!!
  7. A chap called wee Jimmy again Five feet nothing, very quiet very softly spoken gentlemanly sort of guy..

    Add beer = monster, used to vanish from the bar and go over to the Block in mindedn and swampin anyones bed who was stupid enough to leave thier rooms open.

    He even picked on a six foot four giant who was asleep after an exercise, he awoke to fing wee jimmy lagging on his naked chest, when he sat up to challenge him he got as mouthful of recycled Herfy ;D

    I think hes now a warrant officer..........
  8. I must admit, between 87 and 92 I was prone to the occasional leak myself.

    I'd always wake up, with that lovely cold clammy feeling, usually after having a dream about standing on top of a yellow waterfall.
    The thing is, i'd have the same thought every time "Maybe if I lie here for long enough, I can get it to dry out?" So i'd lie there for a bit, looking up at the ceiling, indulging in a spot of self-loathing, willing the mattress dry.
    Eventually, my legs would start to sting from the ammonia, so i'd have to get up and dry it out the traditional way, by hanging it out the window, forming what came to be known as an "Aldershot flower box"
  9. I don't think you qualify as a man or certainly a soldier until

    1. You've lagged yer bed
    2. You've lagged yer mates bed
    3. You've lagged somebirds couch because you couldn't climb the stairs without risk of injury
  10. I was once on a comp at bisley. We where put up in this old rifle club building on the NRA site.

    We'd fucked of into pirbright to find a pub and get pissed, and that we did.

    We got back and crashed out, I can just remember being pissed and trying to creep past the officers quarters which were in a parallel corridor to ours.

    Come about 3 I woke up from cold (id been to pissed to get in my maggot), I sobered slightly, then thort - did I?, Didn't I? Then I thort I better go and check incase I did and it gets found out.

    I went out the door of our corridor and looked at the doors leading to the officers quarters and the bog right next to it. I thort $HIT. The memory was coming back, I had come back pissed and gone to the bog but used the wrong door.

    I went in, ghost walking, with snoreing either side of me, felt the wet, wet floor. I thort FUCK FUCK FUCK. So I grabbed one of there spare blankets and quitely mopped it up before fucking off sharpish.
  11. CGS

    CGS War Hero Moderator

    Met an RMAS convict who's driving ambition is to drink so much that he will involuntarily defacate in his sleep.

    He has already (at uni) woken up in the blood palace with a drip attached trying to achieve his goal.  He tries very hard indeed!
  12. Knew a lad who lashed after just 1 pint....fed up with being billed for mattresses he took some bright sparks advice and slept on the day he had to pay for a new carpet......LMAO!
  13. Ahem....

    From Officers' Mess board ... my experience last Christmas at Mess bash...

  14. I knew a guy in the 3rd Bn (Olly) who swamped most nights. When he was leaving the army he took off his mattress cover and washed it - so far so good. Problem was when he went to put it back on it had shrunk and was about 3" too short. He then cut the end off of the mattress and handed it in, the Q man was none the wiser!! Quite a guy our Olly, he was at the time the army cross-country champion!
  15. Ventress

    Ventress LE Moderator

    My mate, only lags on Stella, and usually drinks fosters-humourously he cant tell the difference!-Well until he is lagging in the wardrobe!- you know who u are 'dude'