Man with longer beard than expected is arrested

Discussion in 'The Intelligence Cell' started by frenchperson, Apr 15, 2006.

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  1. Full details are here:

    It's a relief to see that MI5 are proving their worth (60 police raiding one house is good value for money and comforting). They will now set about discovering whether the beard is actually real, whether the suspect has been abroad recently, and presumably he'll only be released - and the safety of the Alva, Clackmananshire public restored - if he hasn't been glorifying terrorism.
  2. I can almost see the headlines. ZZ Top arrested on comeback tour, 150 police were involved.
    60 police for one beard, 30 for a moustache, that sounds about right.
    I bet he's not a happy teddy now, they say Govan has changed, it fcuking needed to.
  3. Having a beard should be a criminal offence any way, especially if it is ginger
  4. How many coppers to arrest someone with a goatee?
    Will longer beards require more coppers? Perhaps a CPBI (coppers per beard inch) ratio coud be calculated.
  5. "The swoop came after a four-month MI5 and Special Branch surveillance operation."

    Whats the betting it was the same SB who were involved in the Stockwell incident. Bet he is thanking Allah he was not Brazilian!!!!
  6. It obviously took four months as that how's long it took for him to grow his beard. Fcuk that was boring surveillance!
  7. A man with a fairly long beard has replaced the former Soviet Union as the most dire and immediate threat to the Western world. Can anybody make a reasonable assessment on the TBPI (troops per beard inch) ratio as applied to the 'War on Terror' scenario?

    I'll get the ball rolling with a (very) rough estimate. If the enemy has say 14 beard inches, and the Coalition of the Willing of 63 Nation states has 300,000 troops in total, this would equate to 21,428 troops per beard inch.

    I'm ready to be corrected, but having done this rough analysis, I'm really not sure we've got enough, given the menace and sheer scale of the beard in question.
  8. But what if he had kept his beard in a rucksack? Doubly suspicious!
  9. Agreed. He could have been growing and cultivating it in one of those caves, hidden from satellite surveillance. He could lay a trap whereby we are coaxed in, and at the last minute he'd open the rucksack and unfurl the beard on the unsuspecting 300,000 troops of the Coalition of the Willing - and we're stuffed.
  10. I wonder if he upgraded his beard to get the new Broadband Plus? A worldwide fibre optics beard network, it's frightening.
  11. Allow me to be frank chaps....

    Not that many years ago being in posession of an accent like mine or quoting a home adress in the vicinity of mine would have attracted a degree of attention from certain quarters.

    Very few people who didn't share the colloquial dulcet tones or the postcode complained about it. Most of us who did, and who had to wait for an hour at the airport or explain in a written statement why we had a.n other particular item in our pockets just grinned and bore it. Because it was bloody obvious why it was happening.

    If you happen to be of Middle Eastern apperance at the moment or if you're fond of telling people about your liking for Allah.... You're going to attract the same attention. And (to borrow a familiar phrase) you can Blame The Terrorists.
  12. Actually I'm bloody unlucky.....

    I'm sort of swarthy, dark hair, brown eyes.... Frequently mumble incoherently...
  13. Hopefully not too swarthy, there is a Shaftesbury Square Mossad cell and you thought it was a fastfood outlet just selling regurgitated kebabs.
  14. Reminds me of the old joke about the guy who gets stopped in a wee country town in Co. Down by a couple of blokes in masks with gats.

    Asked what foot he kicks with he replies that he's Jewish.

    "Praise Allah" cries one of the masked guys "we have found one at last".
  15. So many questions, so few answers.
    So what length of beard were they expecting?
    Is there a joint MI5/Special Branch beard assessment squad?
    If they'd gone in earlier would they have arrested a man with a shorter beard than expected?
    Where the fcuk is Alva, Clackmananshire?
    Since it's further north then a beard could be expected to be longer as it's fcuking taters up there?
    Was this taken into account?
    Didn't Alva, Clackmananshire notice a sudden influx of men in suits?
    Weren't they more worried about that than one man with a beard?
    Fcuk I'm bored, I'm off to peel some potatoes.