Man Wanted - Maybe!

Discussion in 'Lonely Hearts' started by Lifesaver, Aug 13, 2003.

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  1. Today's the day I have decided that I need a man around.

    It's like this ya see........

    I have a pond in my garden and quite a lot of water had evaporated due to the rather pleasant weather we have been experiencing of late.

    I was out there earlier on and discovered a dead frog floating.........sheeesh, let met tell you, I felt quite ill, particularly as I got the hose on to overfill the pond in order to try to flush the revolting thing out and had to chase the bloated body around with a jet of water until I was able to 'flip' it onto the grass. :roll:
    Do you know it had it's tongue out? 8O

    I have now put more large rocks in the pond as an escape route, obviously my previous attempt to avoid this sort of thing just wasn't good enough.
    It doesn't end there, I managed to get the frog out and then another unpleasant surprise - a live one was wandering around the vicinity - I really dislike the bleedin things.
    I was hoppin' mad as you can imagine! :roll: :roll:

    I just can't cope anymore :cry: :cry:
    It's either get a man in or sell the house and buy a flat.

    What a dilemma - what should I do?
     
  2. Fill in the pond. Despite the efforts of that red haired bint from Groundforce to poularise water features, they remain naff and are only suitable for housing occupied by Hyacinth Bucket or RAF personnel.

    Oooh...but get a man anyways. You might find him useful for other jobs around the house.
     
  3. Definitely, get a man........just think of all that work he'll save you.........................................................................................................................................mmmmmmmmm, no , I can't think of anything either................ :lol:
     
  4. I say leave the frogs alone, as they eat slugs, snails and small insects that destroy garden plants. I have loads of the buggers in my garden. If they are really a pain to you, I suggest you try a half litre of bleach in the water. It will extinguish ALL life in and around the pond (quickly), then proceed to either B&Q or Travis Perkins and purchase a few bags of sand, and fill the pond in.
     
  5. Then you could make sand sculptures on your days off....... :eek:
     
  6. I like frogs personally.........I had a crush on Thierry Lacroix (? - did I get that right? French rugby player) for ages - remember when the French team all shaved their heads in protest at the training regime in the Wolrd Cup in South Africa....?!......gggrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!! :wink:
     
  7. Mr Happy

    Mr Happy LE Moderator

    How much do you want for the house?
     
  8. If there's a spare frogman out there can I have one too?

    Count yerself lucky Lifesaver- at least yours are confined to the garden. I found one hopping around my sitting room last night. I know my cottage is damp but it's not THAT bad.

    Offers in excess of.............
     
  9. It’s 1am and I have just returned home from work………wot man would put up with that?

    Gunny - what an awful thing to do, nope I cannot contemplate wasting good Domestos on them. I was in your area today, if you were a gentleman you would have offered to come home with me to catch them! :wink:

    Lippy - what the heck is a day off??

    Hey Prod, you like rugby too? I used to go out with a rather famous player in my sordid past……….come to think of it he’s still available. Hmmmmm…….(naughty thoughts about those famous thighs!) :twisted:

    Mr Happy, does the price you may wish to pay include dead frogs and sheep noises that one can hear during the night or do I have to do something to kill the local sheep too?

    Jezebel, in your position I would definitely move! :)

    I am sooooooooo tired, so off up that wooden hill.zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
     
  10. So if you have a room for rent i know of at least ONE deserving cause lol :lol:
     
  11. Blimey, ANOTHER woman's doing it......................making out with a toy boy I mean! Now Sadie Frost has a 22 year old (success is definitely the best form of revenge - well done, that woman). What do you reckon girls?! Think I should overcome my resistance to anything young enough to remember my birthday?!!!!!!!! :D
     
  12. There you go prods...It's now fashionable! REQUIRED almost! :lol:
    Ok...29 yr old last time..moving swiftly down through the years....know any cute 28 year olds? :p :wink:
     
  13. I'm certainly not interested in a young guy.......what the hell do you talk about?

    Ahhhhh, I get it - you don't TALK!! 8O
     
  14. Well, we keep complaining about you can't hold a decent conversation with them..................but then, would they be better in bed?! I've resisted posting on the "age gap" thread, but mine is 14 years......all older...........and I have to say, the extra years experience showed............. 8O 8) :D

    From Saturday's Times -

    GOD AND EVE
    "God, I have a problem"
    "What's the problem Eve?"
    "I know that you have created me and provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, as well as that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy".
    "And why is that Eve?"
    "God, I am lonely and bored, and I'm sick to death of apples!"
    "Well Eve, in that case I have a solution. I shall create a man for you".
    "Man? WHat is that God?"
    "A flawed base creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat and be vain. He will be witless and will revel in childish things. He'll be bigger than you and will like fighting, hunting and killing things. He won't be too smart, so he will need your advice to think properly. He will have a very limited emotional capacity and will need to be trained. He will look silly when he is aroused, but since you've been complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your physical needs. And you most certainly will never be bored again!"
    "Sounds great" says Eve, with ironically raised eyebrows, "but what's the catch God?"
    "Well......you can have him on one condition."
    "And what's that God?"
    "as I said, he'll be proud, arrogant and self-admiring........so you'll have to let him believe I made him first. And it will have to be our little secret. You know, woman to woman................"
     
  15. Football ?