Man rules, absolute classics......ALL WOMEN SHOULD READ

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Wasanig, Nov 26, 2007.

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  1. These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1 "

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become Null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you think you're fat, you probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine... Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, football or golf.

    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes.

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
  2. Women have only one rule.

    1. Women are ALWAYS right.
  3. ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    What she said.
  4. I feel the need to add my own contribution at least then the boys cant say they werent warned.

    A study conducted by UCLA's Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.

    For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and masculine features.

    However, if she is menstruating or menopausal she tends to be more attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire.
  5. What scotlass said (x100!)
  6. And the winner is........... SCOTLASS! :judge:
  7. Rule 2: When in doubt, see Rule 1.... :roll:
  8. along similar lines


    Saturday 20th October 2007

    Saw him in the evening and he was acting really strangely. I had been shopping in the afternoon with the girls and I did turn up a bit late so thought it might be that. The bar was really crowded and loud so I suggested we go somewhere quieter to talk. He was still very subdued and distracted so I suggested we go somewhere nice to eat.

    All through dinner he just didn't seem himself; he hardly laughed and didn't seem to be paying any attention to me or to what I was saying. I just knew that something was wrong. He dropped me back home and I wondered if he was going to come in; he hesitated but followed.

    I asked him again if there was something the matter but he just half shook his head and turned the television on.

    After about 10 minutes of silence, I said I was going upstairs to bed.

    I put my arms around him and told him that I loved him deeply. He just gave a sigh and a sad sort of smile. He didn't follow me up but later he did, and I was surprised when we made love. He still seemed distant and a bit cold, and I started to think that he was going to leave me and that he had found someone else.

    I cried myself to sleep.


    Saturday 20th October 2007

    England lost to South Africa. Gutted. Got a shag though.

  9. See we all know the truth..........