Man makes spreadsheet of "not tonight, dear" excuses

3 times a month? The lucky **** doesn't know which side his bread is buttered.
 
What a ******* spanner. You're meant to turn the bitch on, not ask.
Exactly. And that ain't difficult. Tell her she is gorgeous. Tell her you like what she has done with her hair. That she smells nice. That she is really clever. No really, you are sweetheart. [poker face required]

It can work even if you are Quasimodo. Women are vain, venal, stupid creatures who crave adulation. And still we love them and sometimes share our homes with them. (Not me though. I'm still wary after the last bank account vacuum that I shared living space with)

If they didn't have tits, we'd throw rocks at them.
 
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What a ******* pussy...

Him: Love, can we play hide the sausage please? (other sex related phrases are available)
Her: no
Him: hmm... (type type type......)

And he wonders why he wasn't getting laid!

He could learn a thing or two from James Bond...

 
When I was married to my ex I could never get near her for the following reasons:
1. Usually off her head on puff or something.
2. She was bad tempered when she was awake and kept trying to kill me with knives.
3. When that didn't work she slashed her wrists often.
4. On one occasion the police had to use gas or pepper spray or whatever it was to get the knife from her.
5. She didn't wash for weeks on end and stank like a bears a rse.

Her doctor said she was eccentric.

Binned.
 
Exactly. And that ain't difficult. Tell her she is gorgeous. Tell her you like what she has done with her hair. That she smells nice. That she is really clever. No really, you are sweetheart. [poker face required]

It can work even if you are Quasimodo. Women are vain, venal, stupid creatures who crave adulation. And still we love them and sometimes share our homes with them. (Not me though. I'm still wary after the last bank account vacuum that I shared living space with)

If they didn't have tits, we'd throw rocks at them.

Judging by that vomit inducing post you will now be relaxing in the post coital glow of another man's ass musk.
 
Woman is aged 25, what will their sex life be like at 35?

He should really, really bin the bitch, she is frigid, it will only get worse until she only rolls out sex with the frequency of Chrimbo pudding and he is either a) spending hundreds of pounds on prostitutes or b) shagging a dirty scutter off the internet.
N.B. as chasdave says, that will still be cheaper than her ...
 

Blogg

LE
With now long gone Mrs B. Mk I kept a log of all bonkers/unreasonable behaviour, non trivial, real not imagined, and were it confined to refusals to bonk that would have been easy.

The reason? My lawyer told me to when things got rocky. It helped although not as much as I would have liked.
 

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