So we've all been told that if Mr and Mrs Smegma of 32 Acacia Avenue Purley light their patio heater, an iceberg will melt in Antarctica. This notion has really taken off in the last few years, and driving home last night I was wondering why this was. I came to the conclusion that so many people now benefit from this hypothesis that it has become absolutely necessary for it to be true. For example: National and local govt - a brilliant way of raising tax revenue. In the last budget we had at least one tax hike prefaced with the phrase 'For environmental reasons.....' and there will be lots more where that came from. The Conservatives - they needed re-branding from the 'nasty party', so Dave got on his bike and changed their logo to a tree. Scientists - all the research grants you can eat as long as you link your work to climate change. The BBC (well all media really but the BBC exploit it the most) - a stock news item to fill gaps between the real news. Rent a Mob - now that 'sabbing' hunts is off the agenda, they can chuck coal off trains. Universities - see Scientists. Also lots more pointless degree courses to peddle. The middle classes - you've bought your house, you've had your 2.2 children, you've served your biological purpose, and now you're just waiting to die. But now you can save the planet! Go forth and buy that Prius! The European Parliament - everyone hates and ignores them, but now they can say 'we can represent the whole of Europe to bash those nasty American polluters.' The UN - more jobs for the boys. Of you go and set some environmental targets! Business - companies selling renewable energy products are booming. Christians - a new lease of life: they can now go around telling us not to harm 'God's creation'. Hollywood stars - previously they had to look for charities to 'adopt' to try to persuade us that they were not self obsessed, materialistic and pointless. Now they can buy a Prius and adopt a polar bear. Socialists - always good at jumping on bandwagons to disguise the fact that their ideology continues to demonstrate that it will never work, they can now use 'environmental issues' to 'bash the toffs' in their 4x4s and first class aircraft seats. Car manufacturers - a great opportunity to punt more diesels. And by sticking a battery where the engine should be they can charge huge prices for a milk float to sell to gullible environmentalists. Put a tiny petrol engine next to it and you have a 'hybrid' which can then be sold to the gullible middle classes and Hollywood stars. The environmental lobby - the power they have gained is almost immeasurable. In the same way that a career, business or political ambition can be ruined by the accusation of racism, an accusation of not caring for the environment, or polluting, will do the same. The bottom line is that there are now so many people who have a vested interest in man destroying the world with his 4x4s and farting cows that it absolutely has to be true. Even if it isn't.