Man Dies Whilst Knocking One Out

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Machristo, Oct 31, 2008.

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  1. Man Has Cardiac While Watching Grot

    It's the way we all dread. I for one have been put right off my thrapping because of the fleeting thought (c0ck in hand) of "If I die right now, this is how they'll tell me mum they found me."

    But I can't help but notice that the Scum in their normal, second-rate journalistic manner has negated to mention the title of the coronary-inducing movie in question. No doubt someone on here will have their suggestions.

    As a final thought, I wonder if he finished the job in hand (no pun intended) before he popped his clogs? Afterall, would it be worse to be found dead by you mum with your hand clutching your c0ck pre- or post- squirt? I suppose if he finished before he kicked it, he died happy. And if he died before the blow-off? Well- at least he avoided that thought we all endure afterwards, as we sit there, lube-covered flaccid little fella in hand, jizm on chest, grot still on screen, sharp shot of pain through the soul....... "What did I do that for? I'm a grown man..."
  2. Arent you that ugly bloke who has downs?
  3. Yes. Whats your fcuking excuse?
  4. I suspect this thread may need moving to the Naafi before to long.....
  5. 'Sharp shot of pain through the soul....... "I'm a grown man, why did i just do that?" ?????

    Because you enjoyed it ?

    Unless you're a Catholic or member of the Taliban of course, or some other screaming corner of any particular religion or sect that feels Jacquelining off is an issue.

    What a way to go, good luck to him. :D
  6. So thats how BlotBanRub died then.

    Suppose it makes a change from knocking his missus out.
  7. She said: “No one there told me how imminent death could be. When I asked for guidelines on how to care for Chris at home they looked at me like I was mad.”

    Oooh where there's pain there's a claim
  8. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Were his last word "Oh sweet Jesus I'm cumming"?

  9. Im old, been through the mill, ive been married, trust me it takes its toll.
  10. A YOUNG man born with a heart problem died while watching a porn film.
    Chris Nicholls, 23, collapsed after getting over-excited (about to shoot manfat in to his sock) as he viewed the blue movie (Lucy Does Dallas) in his bedroom, an inquest heard.

    He died of a cardiac arrest weeks after having open-heart surgery. (the silly cnut)

    His body was found by his mum Clare at the family home in Redhill, Surrey. At the inquest she asked pathologist Dr Mary Sheppard, who examined Chris after his death, whether the heart attack was brought on by the film (and her son w@nking himself like a mad man).

    She said: “Christopher was watching a blue movie when I found him (Christopher was w@nking himself to death just before I burst in to his room).

    “Later I told my husband, ‘I know what’s happened. It’s got to be a rush of adrenaline because he’s got excited.’ Could that have caused cardiac arrest?” (I know what's happened, that dirty little fecker was having a w@nk, in my feking house!)

    Dr Sheppard responded: “Any kind of excessive stress or excitement could have brought on serious erratic heartbeat. So, yes, that could have been a factor.” (Yes, he died w@nking madam, in your house)

    Chris was born with a congenital heart defect which could never be completely cured.(he also liked touching himself in the rude place)

    He had open-heart surgery when he was 15 months old and again following a heart attack in April.

    He also suffered from a form of autism. Clare hit out at London’s Royal Brompton Hospital, where Chris had his latest operation.

    She said: “No one there told me how imminent death could be. When I asked for guidelines on how to care for Chris at home they looked at me like I was mad.” (No one told me that if you have a w@nk following open heart surgery there's an 80% chance of death!)

    A natural causes verdict was recorded at the inquest in Woking, Surrey. (The Coronor fell about laughing)
  11. Ahhh, you win. B0ll0cks to marriage- I'm not ready to be that miserable.
  12. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

  13. If it was pre-squirt, do you think the undertaker would finish him off,

    Only decent thing to do really.
  14. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Wouldn't be the first time he handled a stiff!
  15. FFS man, get your kicks elsewhere :D