Making yourself a bit sick

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Aug 11, 2010.

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  1. Feeling tired, lazy and uninterested in much yesterday I sat flicking through the computer, glancing at smut, making myself trump so that the trapped air made my sack vibrate and twitch I opted to treat myself to a sly one off the wrist.

    Not a particularly eventful polish, but climax was reached all over my desk.

    Being bone idle I couldn't be bothered to go the twenty or thirty paces to the trumping pot to get some bog roll, so I leant over and used a T shirt that was sat on the side as a spu_nk mop, there was a fair bit and the absorbency of the t shirt wasn't as good as kleenex so it took a while longer.

    The t shirt was lobbed on the side to be disposed of later, and I had a quick nod off in the chair.

    The gate buzzed, waking me up with a stream of slavver and some dried crust from the aftermath of my thrap having seeped through the front of my shorts. I didn't want to go to the gate without a top on so I thoughtlessly grabbed my t shirt and pulled it on, realising my mistake when I pulled 50 minute old harry monk all down the front of my face when I put the shirt on.

    It stank, went all over my nose, chops and lips.......... It grossed me out but as I walked towards the gate I giggled thinking 'I wonder if the citylink driver knows I'm caked in c u m'

    Has anyone else inadvertently smeared their own heads in semen, then had a crafty taste while signing for a parcel.
  2. Just the thing to read as I'm eating my strawberry cheesecake Muller Lite.
    Cheers for that.

    I haven't smeared my face in spunk, but I have hit my face with it as I've blasted a few milion little Miners into orbit when having a wank.
    So far I've resisted the temptation to taste my own salty porridge. I've seen the look on previous gf's faces when they've swallowed my muck. It's not pretty.
  3. It's said that there are only two types of bloke - those who wank and those who lie. You seem to be blurring the definition.
  4. You were looking at shed porn again weren't you?
  5. No I can't say that I have but I did answer the door stark naked and shake the hands of two startled looking young mormon missionaries who may well have wondered why my handshake was like being handed a tench.

    Mrs Cernunnos No 1 Mk IVa did like a good fisting from time to time and it seemed such a waste to wipe the KY foaming fanny batter mixture off first.
  6. Sort of.

    If you count wiping my own newly ejaculated essence on my neck like aftershave for most of my late teens as I'd read that the resulting pheromonic hum would attract the opposite sex.

    I also got bored one night last year and strung a shot of fresh cum out from the tip of my nose to my chin and took a photo of my handsome and drunken self. Explaining that phot after she had been rooting through my phone was quiet difficult to be honest..
  7. Don't be absurd.

    I've been far too busy today working on my new project, attempting to insert my own penis into my anus. It's been a slow day today and I saw a photo once of someone who had achieved this magnificent feat of self abuse.

    It's pretty tricky to be honest and not as easy as you would think. I managed to chinese burn my hampton around 180 degrees so it was pointing the right way. I then had to get my knackers safely out of the way, I was a little unsure how to proceed with this, I did attempt to poke them inside my body cavity but that just made me feel dizzy and a bit sick. In the end a had to loop some green string around my knacksack and tie it securely to my right thigh, that seems to have done the trick but they do look a bit purple.

    That's as far as I have got so far, no matter how hard I push I can't seem to pot the brown. To be honest I'm struggling to see how I'm going to do it without breaking its neck.

    Any tips would be much appreciated, we can go sharesies on the instruction manual royalties.
  8. In answer to Du-nut and miner - never tasted my own straight out of the knob, but tasted my girl friend's squirty orgasm a few times and always got a sloppy kiss from her afterwards. She always swallowed and on one occasion she insisted on the sloppy kiss routine in reverse. Amazed to find that mine tasted exactly like hers, not just similar, couldn't tell the difference!
    Anybody else experience this?
  9. I can relate an instance here of a masturbatory injury suffered by my good self in my youth.

    I had recently got hold of a copy of a continental A5 size hard mag, brand new WITHOUT any red stars or black dots on it.
    As you can imagine this was far above the usual quality of the bulk of my grot stash which comprised the usual escort fiesta etc plus scrappy hedgrerow porn in various states of decay. After a nanosecond of perusing this prized possesion, I sussed out the pages I liked, one was a full blonde facial cumshot, the other a triple penetration shot some 5 pages back. I was under the bedcovers using a torch.. once the point of no return had been reached, unaccountably I decided to flip back to the triple penetration shot as being a superior instance of female total sluttery... doing this 1 handed and under the quilt caused the book to tilt towards me, and 1 of the crisp, glossy quality pages sliced across my nose, specificly, that bit under your nose between the nostrils, evryone knows how much a papercut hurts, the mixture of pleasure and pain has remained with me to this day ,
  10. Dunno. What's her name?
  11. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    Yep although in fairness she did A2M so I could hardly complain about of bit of Harry Monk
    Did I taste like you too?
  12. should have sent it to her mam
    she'd have loved it
  13. Slightly off topic, but a comment to all contemplating marriage, and this is the real info - If she doesn't swallow, she doesn't luv ya!!
  14. Porridge_gun

    Porridge_gun LE Good Egg (charities)

    Thanks for that cracking input.

    I hope you get set about with a bedford tyre iron.
  15. Ask Jarrod, he's recently single again and probably experimenting with methods of bumming himself.