Making yourself a bit sick

#1
Feeling tired, lazy and uninterested in much yesterday I sat flicking through the computer, glancing at smut, making myself trump so that the trapped air made my sack vibrate and twitch I opted to treat myself to a sly one off the wrist.

Not a particularly eventful polish, but climax was reached all over my desk.

Being bone idle I couldn't be bothered to go the twenty or thirty paces to the trumping pot to get some bog roll, so I leant over and used a T shirt that was sat on the side as a spu_nk mop, there was a fair bit and the absorbency of the t shirt wasn't as good as kleenex so it took a while longer.

The t shirt was lobbed on the side to be disposed of later, and I had a quick nod off in the chair.

The gate buzzed, waking me up with a stream of slavver and some dried crust from the aftermath of my thrap having seeped through the front of my shorts. I didn't want to go to the gate without a top on so I thoughtlessly grabbed my t shirt and pulled it on, realising my mistake when I pulled 50 minute old harry monk all down the front of my face when I put the shirt on.

It stank, went all over my nose, chops and lips.......... It grossed me out but as I walked towards the gate I giggled thinking 'I wonder if the citylink driver knows I'm caked in c u m'

Has anyone else inadvertently smeared their own heads in semen, then had a crafty taste while signing for a parcel.
 
#2
Just the thing to read as I'm eating my strawberry cheesecake Muller Lite.
Cheers for that.

I haven't smeared my face in spunk, but I have hit my face with it as I've blasted a few milion little Miners into orbit when having a wank.
So far I've resisted the temptation to taste my own salty porridge. I've seen the look on previous gf's faces when they've swallowed my muck. It's not pretty.
 
#3
I haven't smeared my face in spunk, but I have hit my face with it as I've blasted a few milion little Miners into orbit when having a wank.
So far I've resisted the temptation to taste my own salty porridge. I've seen the look on previous gf's faces when they've swallowed my muck. It's not pretty.
It's said that there are only two types of bloke - those who wank and those who lie. You seem to be blurring the definition.
 
#5
Feeling tired, lazy and uninterested in much yesterday I sat flicking through the computer, glancing at smut, making myself trump so that the trapped air made my sack vibrate and twitch I opted to treat myself to a sly one off the wrist.

Not a particularly eventful polish, but climax was reached all over my desk.

Being bone idle I couldn't be bothered to go the twenty or thirty paces to the trumping pot to get some bog roll, so I leant over and used a T shirt that was sat on the side as a spu_nk mop, there was a fair bit and the absorbency of the t shirt wasn't as good as kleenex so it took a while longer.

The t shirt was lobbed on the side to be disposed of later, and I had a quick nod off in the chair.

The gate buzzed, waking me up with a stream of slavver and some dried crust from the aftermath of my thrap having seeped through the front of my shorts. I didn't want to go to the gate without a top on so I thoughtlessly grabbed my t shirt and pulled it on, realising my mistake when I pulled 50 minute old harry monk all down the front of my face when I put the shirt on.

It stank, went all over my nose, chops and lips.......... It grossed me out but as I walked towards the gate I giggled thinking 'I wonder if the citylink driver knows I'm caked in c u m'

Has anyone else inadvertently smeared their own heads in semen, then had a crafty taste while signing for a parcel.
No I can't say that I have but I did answer the door stark naked and shake the hands of two startled looking young mormon missionaries who may well have wondered why my handshake was like being handed a tench.

Mrs Cernunnos No 1 Mk IVa did like a good fisting from time to time and it seemed such a waste to wipe the KY foaming fanny batter mixture off first.
 
#6
Sort of.

If you count wiping my own newly ejaculated essence on my neck like aftershave for most of my late teens as I'd read that the resulting pheromonic hum would attract the opposite sex.

I also got bored one night last year and strung a shot of fresh cum out from the tip of my nose to my chin and took a photo of my handsome and drunken self. Explaining that phot after she had been rooting through my phone was quiet difficult to be honest..
 
#7
Don't be absurd.

I've been far too busy today working on my new project, attempting to insert my own penis into my anus. It's been a slow day today and I saw a photo once of someone who had achieved this magnificent feat of self abuse.

It's pretty tricky to be honest and not as easy as you would think. I managed to chinese burn my hampton around 180 degrees so it was pointing the right way. I then had to get my knackers safely out of the way, I was a little unsure how to proceed with this, I did attempt to poke them inside my body cavity but that just made me feel dizzy and a bit sick. In the end a had to loop some green string around my knacksack and tie it securely to my right thigh, that seems to have done the trick but they do look a bit purple.

That's as far as I have got so far, no matter how hard I push I can't seem to pot the brown. To be honest I'm struggling to see how I'm going to do it without breaking its neck.

Any tips would be much appreciated, we can go sharesies on the instruction manual royalties.
 
#8
In answer to Du-nut and miner - never tasted my own straight out of the knob, but tasted my girl friend's squirty orgasm a few times and always got a sloppy kiss from her afterwards. She always swallowed and on one occasion she insisted on the sloppy kiss routine in reverse. Amazed to find that mine tasted exactly like hers, not just similar, couldn't tell the difference!
Anybody else experience this?
 
#9
I can relate an instance here of a masturbatory injury suffered by my good self in my youth.

I had recently got hold of a copy of a continental A5 size hard mag, brand new WITHOUT any red stars or black dots on it.
As you can imagine this was far above the usual quality of the bulk of my grot stash which comprised the usual escort fiesta etc plus scrappy hedgrerow porn in various states of decay. After a nanosecond of perusing this prized possesion, I sussed out the pages I liked, one was a full blonde facial cumshot, the other a triple penetration shot some 5 pages back. I was under the bedcovers using a torch.. once the point of no return had been reached, unaccountably I decided to flip back to the triple penetration shot as being a superior instance of female total sluttery... doing this 1 handed and under the quilt caused the book to tilt towards me, and 1 of the crisp, glossy quality pages sliced across my nose, specificly, that bit under your nose between the nostrils, evryone knows how much a papercut hurts, the mixture of pleasure and pain has remained with me to this day ,
 
#10
In answer to Du-nut and miner - never tasted my own straight out of the knob, but tasted my girl friend's squirty orgasm a few times and always got a sloppy kiss from her afterwards. She always swallowed and on one occasion she insisted on the sloppy kiss routine in reverse. Amazed to find that mine tasted exactly like hers, not just similar, couldn't tell the difference!
Anybody else experience this?
Dunno. What's her name?
 

the_boy_syrup

LE
Book Reviewer
#11
In answer to Du-nut and miner - never tasted my own straight out of the knob, but tasted my girl friend's squirty orgasm a few times and always got a sloppy kiss from her afterwards. She always swallowed and on one occasion she insisted on the sloppy kiss routine in reverse. Amazed to find that mine tasted exactly like hers, not just similar, couldn't tell the difference!
Anybody else experience this?

Yep although in fairness she did A2M so I could hardly complain about of bit of Harry Monk
Did I taste like you too?
 
#12
Sort of.

If you count wiping my own newly ejaculated essence on my neck like aftershave for most of my late teens as I'd read that the resulting pheromonic hum would attract the opposite sex.

I also got bored one night last year and strung a shot of fresh cum out from the tip of my nose to my chin and took a photo of my handsome and drunken self. Explaining that phot after she had been rooting through my phone was quiet difficult to be honest..
should have sent it to her mam
she'd have loved it
 
#15
Don't be absurd.

I've been far too busy today working on my new project, attempting to insert my own penis into my anus. It's been a slow day today and I saw a photo once of someone who had achieved this magnificent feat of self abuse.

It's pretty tricky to be honest and not as easy as you would think. I managed to chinese burn my hampton around 180 degrees so it was pointing the right way. I then had to get my knackers safely out of the way, I was a little unsure how to proceed with this, I did attempt to poke them inside my body cavity but that just made me feel dizzy and a bit sick. In the end a had to loop some green string around my knacksack and tie it securely to my right thigh, that seems to have done the trick but they do look a bit purple.

That's as far as I have got so far, no matter how hard I push I can't seem to pot the brown. To be honest I'm struggling to see how I'm going to do it without breaking its neck.

Any tips would be much appreciated, we can go sharesies on the instruction manual royalties.
Ask Jarrod, he's recently single again and probably experimenting with methods of bumming himself.
 
#16
Don't be absurd.

I've been far too busy today working on my new project, attempting to insert my own penis into my anus. It's been a slow day today and I saw a photo once of someone who had achieved this magnificent feat of self abuse.

It's pretty tricky to be honest and not as easy as you would think. I managed to chinese burn my hampton around 180 degrees so it was pointing the right way. I then had to get my knackers safely out of the way, I was a little unsure how to proceed with this, I did attempt to poke them inside my body cavity but that just made me feel dizzy and a bit sick. In the end a had to loop some green string around my knacksack and tie it securely to my right thigh, that seems to have done the trick but they do look a bit purple.

That's as far as I have got so far, no matter how hard I push I can't seem to pot the brown. To be honest I'm struggling to see how I'm going to do it without breaking its neck.

Any tips would be much appreciated, we can go sharesies on the instruction manual royalties.
Wasn't it that bloke off goatse that could do that?
 
#18
"Oh... How disgusting!" said the Civvie.... "I think you all need urgent Medical/Psychiatric/Counselling/Spiritual help. I will phone the local Parish Preist to come down on you all and give you absolution........ ye heretics ye...!"

...Oh I know.... I'm putting one me hat and coat and going down the Pub for a while.....!!!
 
#19
When me and her first met I used to zonk in her flat when she was at uni when I was on leave or for the weekend and mince round the place all day eating all the Cheerios before rooting round in her mates drawers and wanking furiously into the clothes bin with the aid of varying sizes and styles of panties wrapped round my face.

I'd like to lie at this point and say I was caught at it by the returning housemates and it descended into a mesh of gutteral moans, musk and sticky arms and legs rolling about on a futon but alas they didnt like me much, one said I was too heavy footed and made her CD's jump and that I was a thug for banging her boyfriend out in the Roadhouse once for taking the piss out of my acne strewn forehead for most of the night and the other once caught me pissing all over the pots in just my jeans and a hard hat I'd found when we were staggering back up Oxford Road one early morning.

I did however stumble across a gem of a find one Bank Holiday morning whilst having my ritual plunder of their rooms. A cute little gold bullet type affair presented itself from under a mattress corner that buzzed and jumped about in my hands making me go all giddy and girly. The owner was a peachy little Manc, not too pretty but always wandering around in next to fuck all but my chances of securing a ride were slim to none after the 'ELLIE!!!!!!!!HEISPISSINGALLOVERTHEDISHESINTHESINKIDONTFUCKINGBELIEVETHISYOUSAIDYOUWOULDHAVEAWORDILIVEHERETOOYOUKNOWANDHEISLAUGHINGABOUTITIDONTBELIEVETHISHEISACTUALLYLAUGHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' incident.

Satisifed, I took the pungent smelling article into 'our' room for a blistering wank and flopped down on the beanbag to start my pre ritual wank drills, namely a quick rub of the balls, slight squeeze of the base, quick dose of spit and began ripping it back and forth with the bullet firmly stuck under my nose. (At this point I'd like to say I love wanking, truly, I consider it one of the last great treasures in life, quantified by the fact that a mistaken flash of a distant cousins tighty whities a mere hour after I buried my Dad sent me scooting off to the Parish Church toilets to beast myself with one foot against the broken door and my mind firmly on fucking Siobhan before the weekend was out).

Wanking in full flow I settled back into a relaxed, almost feotal position sinking lower into the beanbag, reaching the sweet end with my thighs beginning to tighten. I prepared for what seemed to be a potentially memorable orgasm and was happy to see the first spots of 'arrival' at my quivering tip, the follow up however was shamefull, an initial jet of watery fluid took up its usual position on my lower stomach but the follow ups leaped forth, bridging the reduced gap between my face and helmet giving me 2 comfortably warm hits to my left eye, lower cheek and neck.

An altogether foul affair, 19 years old, dressed in only socks and button front boxers, with a liberal coating of my own alcohol tainted semen stinging my eye and still clutching a funky smelling gold vibrator
 
#20
Ah yes the unique pleasure of the self facial i have achieved this only a couple of times the most memorable was a good bit of self abuse sat at the pc i erupted and my man goo hits me square in the mouth mid grunt with a large splatter on my chin too. Now what makes this stand out apart from the taste of my own jizz was the phone ringing just as i hit the vinegar strokes (why is it called that because jizz doesnt taste like vinegar?) So im left stood nude with a deflating cock with the last bubble of spunk leaking out and my own man fat on my face talking to my birds mum it got me horny again doing this so i had another one not long afterward. And i cant talk to her on the phone without recalling that day
 

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