Making a Cnut of myself, again.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by fish-head, Mar 15, 2005.

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  1. I was at this ball thing the other night and, for once, was sober. So the fish was thinking to himself, I fancy some of Cuba's finest, but failing that I will have a cigar. So with suitable pretention, I draw a cigar from a case stowed in my mess kit and start to cut the end. Some nice person informed me that there was no smoking in this part of the building. Now I knew this person was lying but they outranked me considerably and besides no-one else was smoking at the table. Moreover, there was a lady at the end of the table who was with child, and that would not have been acceptable even for an arrogant twat like me.

    So out the fish went and chatted merrily to the other leppers in the foyer. After I was left only with what appeared to be OTC dorks I decided to pop in to the room to see who was around and more importantly if the above mentioned lady was still at the table.

    Over I popped, cigar discretely behind my back, and I went back to my seat. I saw one of the guys from our table, the only pongo we had, and said,
    "I mustn't stay long mate, I don't want to smoke with a pregnant women around"
    "What pregnant women?" asked percy pongo.
    "That one there", nodding across at the expectant mother.
    "Emmm she's not pregnant, and I would know, she's my wife"


    So is it just me who says and does this kind of thing, regularly?
     
  2. Not just you mate.

    I met a woman once who from her looks could turn medusa to stone.

    Basically what had happened is i caught up with a mate i hadnt seen for a few years due to tours, ops etc..., we went off to a local bar where he lived, in the said bar i noticed we were being looked at by a couple of women.
    As is always the case, you get one good looking one, and one fat and ugly one.
    Said to my mate, i will take the blonde, you can have the other munter.

    My mate promptly stated since i had seen him last he had got married and the women were were looking at was his sister in law, and the 'Munter was his wife'

    We had a laugh and joke about it, till he called her over and propmtly explained the situation to her, and the fact i had called her a Munter.

    I thought ground swallow me up now, as she glared at me for the rest of the evening!
     
  3. No indeed, Fishy. A couple of years ago, I was socialising on the Isle of Wight, where people are a little different. I had been introduced to this bloke, and while we were nattering away, my eye fell on this woman who was the very image of one of marge Simpson's sisters. Quoth I: "F*ck me, look at the state of that, I have never seen a bird with bee-hive perm before, she looks like one of Marge Simpson's sisters..."



    AAaaannnd, it was his wife....... :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops: :oops:
     
  4. Maybe we matelots are just a little less sensitive. Sabre, you are now an honorary sailor!
     
  5. TY Fishy

    but i think i will pass on that one
     
  6. J_D

    J_D LE

    I was on watch as BM and this man, well I thought it was a man, came walking up the gangway. I got chatting to he/she while the QM phoned for the C.O.. The C.O. turned up and took his guest away. Later that evening our capt.. came to check on us, I said to him " That gentleman seems a nice fella", the C.O. didn't look to happy and turned round and said "That Fella is a woman, also known to many as my wife!"

    Safe to say I wasn't his best rating onboard!
     
  7. The Mrs and me went to a fancy dress party a few years ago, i went as Zoro. I was on the bucking bronco when herself, seeing a tall bloke dressed as Zoro went up behind him, put her arms around him and realised as she looked directly at me that there was another Zoro - the German exchange officer thought he was well in!!!! :lol:
     
  8. The Mrs and me went to a fancy dress party a few years ago, i went as Zoro. I was on the bucking bronco when herself, seeing a tall bloke dressed as Zoro went up behind him, put her arms around him and realised as she looked directly at me that there was another Zoro - the German exchange officer thought he was well in!!!! :lol:
     
  9. Sorry to tell you this Loggie but she KNEW you were distracted and fancied a bit of Herman :D
     
  10. Fishy...I think everyone has gone horribly off-topic here. forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't the thread about whether you got to smoke your psuedo Havana cigar?

    Let me know, 'cos i'm off there soon and I will get you the real thing if you like! :lol:
     
  11. A box of cohibas would be nice if you're offering!