Major problem

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Chef, Nov 20, 2009.

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  1. Henchmen

  2. Minions

  1. Ladies and Gentlemen
    I need guidance,
    My daughter and I are planning to establish an evil(ish) empire across the world, obviously I will kill her and have it all for myself :twisted:

    The problem is we will have to co-operate for a while and we cannot agree as to which is the better for our evil army. Henchmen, or minions. this has curtailed our current plan for global domination, please help. :(

    There will be some good postings for those on my side. :D
  2. Henchmen of course...the minions are just that
  3. Can I be the bloke often over-powered by Austin Power's look-a-like spies and find myself guarding them in ridiculous situations? I've always wanted to take a nose dive into some bubbling lava.
  4. can I join, and can I have a posting to the Caribbean?...please
  5. How old is you your daughter and is she evil or pure evil a photos may help us choose (if over 16 naked would help us see her evil soul) if under 16 then grow up.
  6. Minions every time. Henchmen can sometimes be too darn clever for their own good and might become a threat to your empirical machinations (Jaws in James Bond is a classic example). Minions tend to be people from council estates and have very little in the way of ambition. No one ever notices if a few of them 'go missing'.
  7. Since you will have to have an appropriate span of control and cannot micromanage a large number of minions you will need an appropriate mix of henchmen (or henchpersons) and minions. I would suggest you initially recruit at a ratio of 4 minions for each henchman.

    You must remember the henchmen might get ambitions and you may need to eliminate some who appear to be getting too ambitious. You should try to keep the minios in the dark about the eliminations asy you might want to have minions enter the ranks of henchmen.

    I hope this proves helpful in your endeavours.

  8. Regretably she is 15, but your interest is noted, you may, in time become her consort and join her when I take over everything and consign you to an untimely doom, HA HA HA HA HA! :hungry:
  9. I would like a to be a part of this evil empire, I would supply many bio-engineered superhuman Gwar shock troopers and biscuits.

    Edited due to wobbly fingers.
  10. Yes but do you provide separate sleeping quarters and biscuits with their tea? Chef cannot afford equality.
  11. The whole IIP thing has to be taken into account, of course. True, you do need a certain number of henchpersons to oversee the minions - but you should remember when planning your HR budget that the costs of maintaining the skills of even a Grade 5 Hencher can run into tens of thousands of pounds per hencher per year.

    Minions come in far cheaper as they can be treated as casual labour and written off as a necessary business expense for tax purposes. Thhis is important as the last thing you want if you're planning to overthrow the world order is to fall foul of the taxman!
  12. Here's a big list of things to do if you ever become an evil overlord:

    The Top 100 Things I'd Do If I Ever Became An Evil Overlord

    It starts out well too, pointing out that it's a good career choice. The list should help to stop you making the usual mistakes.

    But beware. If you get into trouble, don't come to me for any advice because being an evil overlord myself, I'll take the opportunity to invade your evil empire and become an evil conqueror of your lands. Bwa ha Ha! Ha! :twisted:
  13. Henchmen and Minions are OK but you have a skills gap. Do you really want to brief you henchmen each morning on what evil deeds need doing, or do you want to be doing some thing more fun ....... like a harem of beautiful woman.
    What you need is to hire a Criminal Consultancy Team, highly trained and educated in criminal empires and how to manage them. Their high rates guarantee loyalty. And since they are contractors you do not have to worry about pensions! :)

    Did I mention I have a degree in Criminology?
  14. Read "The Prince" for some decent tips.

    You will need minions, after all someone has to do the sh*t jobs. A good mix of both would be my best suggestion. Remember, you can b*gger the minions if you feel the need to, they wont complain as long as they get a bowl of soup and a pie at the end of it.
  15. If you are to be an evil overlord, you will have conquered all the land before. So I say you sir are an evil overlord walt.