Dear Met Police ,
On a recent , pre Lockdown holiday in Mauritius , I regularly saw Lord Lucan sitting by the pool sipping rum punches .
He was about 85 -90 , spoke with a cut glass accent , and in the evenings always wore a seersucker jacket or blue blazer and a Brigade of Guards tie .
After dinner, he would always find someone to fleece at pontoon , which was the clincher in my mind .
He was accompanied by a rather cute 19 year old blond whom he claimed was his grand daughter ...Pull the other one !
Once lockdown's over I will happily accompany a couple of detectives on an all expenses paid trip over there and point out the hotel and the gentleman and girl in question .
This offer is only open for 7 days , after which I am going to the Daily Express
Yours faithfully ,
Velcro