Made up words.

My favourite thing on JDSC was having my written work marked by a non-grad Welbexian.

They would merrily pour criticism on being too "wordy" (like Shakespeare - that rambling fool) whilst happily chucking round words like "attrit," "jointery" and "simultineity."

Mind you, they did have A levels in wiring from a very special school which had equipped them with a wealth of life skills.
My favourite made up word has to be ampibiosity - presumably meaning the extent to which something is amphibious. I would argue that perhaps the word should be amphibiousness however it does lead to a whole host of other possibilities such as attackability and defensiveness. Anyone got any other suggestions for budding staff officers?
Oh my other favourite piece of jargon has to be the littoral battlespace when what they mean is a beach!!


An occasional source of amusement has been OR's using verbs incorrectly eg "Gentlemen, the flag donates the headquarters....." or bastardisation of words such as "...irregardless of that Sir..."
Ah!  Malapropisms, my favourite.  You must be psychotic or something because I was just thinking about these.  Best exponents are C/Sgt Instructors at Sandhurst e.g. "Sir, you have got access threads on your uniform."
Without parallel in the field of military tongue twisters are the problems caused by the word collimator.  Respect to the chap who named it.  It could so easily have been called a "device, bore-sighting, hand-held" or some such thing.  Thanks to him we are entertained by hearing it called a "culminator" or "colliminator" etc ad nauseam.
With regards to terrible jargon - lets discuss "fighting the Warrior."  I would suggest you'd get further fighting WITH the Warrior.  Or maybe I'm missing the point....

With regards to OR stuff, "Sir, lets be pacific."
Watch out for 'performas' too.  Just when you think you're about to meet the Corrs, you have to get your bloody pen out.


I was at an O' Gp when the COS talked about battlefield elephants (meaning elements) causing much amusement and endless references to Hannibal, etc
Slightly off thread, but sort of in the same vein; was at a parade once, lots of OTC types trying to look smart for a GOC Southern District who wanders along the line asking them what thy're studying.  One merrily pipes up "Cartography, Sir."  To which the exalted one replies "Ah, so, you want to become a heart surgeon, eh ?"   At least the OCdt had the presence of mind to answer "Er, yes, Sir".
Knobology has now been replaced by 'Switchology'.

'What is the difference between a knob and a switch?' I hear you ask.

A switch doesn't spend 8 periods in the Lefroy giving you a non-history lesson on RAB and then tell you what the exam question will be.

p.s. A switch doesn't ban ARRSE from the RMCS Internet access.

p.p.s.  Another favourite of mine 'Professionalisation'.
Similar anecdotal tale, a young grad was joining up during WW2, Recruiting Biff asked him if he spoke any languages. Grad replied that he was an expert in hieroglyphics and explained that it was the language of the Pharaohs.  After training he was posted to the Faroe Islands....?
Littoral warfare was the domain of the Amph Engrs beside the Weser - aided of course by the very helpful RMP who ran the various assembly areas.
I think that our beloved seniors do the English language a world of justice, just as we like to add the word 'ine' to everthing (riverine, for example) and ette (lecturette - try and find that in a dictionary) - they come out with corkers like this:

Gents, young sirs (usual preamble) I pacifically told you not to go in the carniverous wood


There have been some allegations and I want to know who the alligators are?  

Legendary :)

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