Lying To Women

#1
I've just spent half an hour convincing a septic bird I work with that from now on discussing timings is going to be really difficult.

The reason is you see that since 1 Jan we British have been forced by the EU to adopt Metric Time. "You know" I said, "20 hours in a day, 50 minutes an hour, 100 seconds a minute".

I'm not sure what was most pleasing, the fact that she believed me or the memories this blatant bullsh1tting brought back of lying to women in provincial nightclubs throughout the land.

To date I've been (as far as I can remember):

A dolphin trainer

A biscuit designer (I mean you don't think the ripples on a chocolate hob-nob get there by accident do you?)

An underwater wood welder ("You can't weld underwater" she said :roll: )

A monkey keeper at Whipsnade Zoo

Swedish

Frank Spencer (from Marks & Spencer, don't you know)

And once, memorably, a Tom. On sick leave. After picking up Dutch Elm Disease in the Balkans ("I've heard of that, can't it be nasty?" she said, before giving me a sympathy fcuk)

But is this walting? Or is it perfectly acceptable in the pursuit of the game of twenty toes?

If acceptable, what other great blags are there out there?
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#2
I once pretended to be in the Army!

Once I had them convinced, I told them I was AGC. That showed them.
 
#3
I do a perfect Aussie accent and convinced a lady I was a doctor in a pub in Andover, cracking night although my "Yorkshire tome" burst out mid f*ck when I said "get on yer 'ands and knees!" :D
 
#4
This is perfectly acceptable behaviour and if done with style and panache can be very rewarding. However, like most things there is a doenside. When the female finds out then beware a scorned woman.

In the longer tem yiou may need professional help.
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#5
rockpile said:
This is perfectly acceptable behaviour and if done with style and panache can be very rewarding. However, like most things there is a doenside. When the female finds out then beware a scorned woman.

In the longer tem yiou may need professional help.
Have you been drinking?
 
#6
I have not been drinking. My eyesight is not very good. If you think that a drink would help I'll give it a go.
 
#7
I honestly think some women aren't fooled at all but are genuinely flattered by it even though they know we're lying. I reckon there just chuffed that someone is prepared to put that much effort into an attempt to get in their pants! So far, I have been a:

vicar on my day off

cloud burster for the Red Devils

stuntman (obviously)

and (my personal favourite)

a torpedo tube cleaner

Of course, it works both ways...if I want to get away, I just tell them I'm a Social Worker. It always kills the conversation!
 
#8
And this is something to be PROUD of?

Except, of course, when you are MARRIED and then you want your MOMMYWIFE to SCOLD you whenever you MISBEHAVE.

Pathetic.

IG
 
#9
A mate of mine who has since transfered to the AGC said he was a gay phone sex line operator. Interesting!
 
#10
IvyGrad said:
And this is something to be PROUD of?

Except, of course, when you are MARRIED and then you want your MOMMYWIFE to SCOLD you whenever you MISBEHAVE.

Pathetic.

IG
Pathetic as in a behavioural way or pathetic as in your lot fall for it every time !! :D
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#11
IvyGrad said:
And this is something to be PROUD of?

Except, of course, when you are MARRIED and then you want your MOMMYWIFE to SCOLD you whenever you MISBEHAVE.

Pathetic.

IG
So I take it you fell for stories similar to those boasted about on here, and you've just realised what happened...
 
#12
IvyGrad said:
And this is something to be PROUD of?

Except, of course, when you are MARRIED and then you want your MOMMYWIFE to SCOLD you whenever you MISBEHAVE.

Pathetic.

IG
Go on...admit it, IG, you've fallen for one of these stories haven't you? What was he and when did you become suspicious?
 
#13
plant_life said:
A mate of mine who has since transfered to the AGC said he was a gay phone sex line operator. Interesting!
Presumably he transferred to the AGc from the gay sex call centre?

I have been a veterinary gynaecologist specialising in big cats (remember when Edinburgh had the snow leopard cubs? I do!) and an SAS Helicopter navigator. That one worked a storm because I had glasses while my two oppos who cliamed to be pilots had none!
 
#14
redsquirrel said:
IvyGrad said:
And this is something to be PROUD of?

Except, of course, when you are MARRIED and then you want your MOMMYWIFE to SCOLD you whenever you MISBEHAVE.

Pathetic.

IG
Go on...admit it, IG, you've fallen for one of these stories haven't you? What was he and when did you become suspicious?
You werent in Andover last August were you ? Approached by a blond chap ? Smartly dressed, group of giggling mates over his shoulder ?? Gin and Tonic wasnt it ? No ice ? :D
 
#15
I once told a bird my name was Harry Flashman, no word of a lie she believed me. There is something satisfying about lying to a girls.
 
#16
I think IG's just realised that the Swedish stuntman who took her out for dinner last night may not be all he claimed. Of course he would have paid but you know how UK restaurants can be with Swedish plastic......
 
#17
Ivy, its like a game show, if you fall for it you loose and take it in the hoop. If you see through it (unlikely with you) then you get braging rights.
 
#18
redsquirrel said:
IvyGrad said:
And this is something to be PROUD of?

Except, of course, when you are MARRIED and then you want your MOMMYWIFE to SCOLD you whenever you MISBEHAVE.

Pathetic.

IG
Go on...admit it, IG, you've fallen for one of these stories haven't you? What was he and when did you become suspicious?
Oh god, he wasn't an antique maker was he...or a lighthouse painter. Or did he go round picking penguins up off their backs after aeroplanes had flown over?
 
#20
I think IG's just realised that the Swedish stuntman who took her out for dinner last night may not be all he claimed. Of course he would have paid but you know how UK restaurants can be with Swedish plastic......
 

Similar threads

Latest Threads

Top