• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

Lost in translation

#1
Got told off at work today for "inappropriate comments" I think it's all in the translation what do you think?

Male colleague (ex Navy Nurse) looking at 360 degree photos of new building the company is moving to:

"If you touch it, it will go up!

Fairy_nuff " I bet you say that to all the girls"

Male colleague pisses himself

Boss (who couldn't find Admiralty Arch) "I don't think that's appropirate" (female)

Fairy_nuff wanted to say bo??ocks but refrained

All in the interpretation of the listener- case for the defence
 
T

trowel

Guest
#3
How would you like to spend every working day with blokes who are constantly telling each other to "bump" and "grind"?
 
#4
In the old bill you generally have to think about the possible offence that any random professionally outraged sub group can take to everything you say, but a mate of mine always responds with 'Its not the mouth it comes out of, its the mind it goes into'
I'd like to say it shuts them up. But it doesn't.
Some people live to be outraged...feminists....Daily Mail readers.....come to think of it....ARRSE contributors.
 
#5
Boss (who couldn't find Admiralty Arch) "I don't think that's appropirate" (female)
I had a boss like that once. First off, "think" is the operative word. Secondly, "says who"? Thirdly, she was constantly on the gin and Valium, but to her way of thinking that was appropriate.

I outlasted her and now I am happily retired.
 

jim24

LE
Book Reviewer
#7
One day I innocently said " Will he get paid overtime, for hanging around" while observing the hanging body of a work mate who had committed suicide by hanging himself some time before, did not go down well with the PC management I then went on to compound my crime when it came to getting the body down , " cut the rope" said I" but he'll fall " said they, "Well he's hardly going to hurt himself now is he". I was condemnd as a cruel heartless cnut
 
#9
Used to compare one particularly ghastly job with being dead and buried; kept in the dark, rendered powerless by circumstances beyond my control, and surrounded by vermin.

Management loved it.
 
#11
One day I innocently said " Will he get paid overtime, for hanging around" while observing the hanging body of a work mate who had committed suicide by hanging himself some time before, did not go down well with the PC management I then went on to compound my crime when it came to getting the body down , " cut the rope" said I" but he'll fall " said they, "Well he's hardly going to hurt himself now is he". I was condemnd as a cruel heartless cnut
I had the misfortune of finding a dead body at work once, floating in the river Tyne. A diver was promptly sent over the side to see if the stiff could be rescued/resuscitated.

Diver (thereafter known as Sherlock): He's been dead some time, but not too long, his watch is still ticking.
Petty Officer X: Bags I the watch.
AB Y: Is his wallet still on him?
LH Z: What size are his wellies?

Compare and contrast with the modern age. HMS Ocean on deployment near Indonesia with a documentary camera crew. Officer of the Watch spots a body floating in the sea. In my day, it would have been used for SLR practice before being recovered to the junior rate's mess to hold a pint and pose for photos until it became too smelly.

But no, in the modern navy it has to be recovered immediately. As soon as the body is aboard ship, the chief medic of Ocean takes charge. The chief medic is a CPO Medical Assistant - a senior paramedic. As is appropriate for her position on Ocean, the biggest ship in the fleet, she is also undoubtedly the biggest medical assistant in the fleet. Hauling the body aboard ship is made considerably easier by the significant, gravitational field being generated by the Chief's arrse.

As the body is hauled aboard, chiefy tells everybody not to look at the face of the dead body, "or you'll be traumatised". As soon as the body hits the deck, she bursts into tears and runs off. I'll say no more, but you know what I'm thinking.
 
#12
While giving a statement to the police after finding the body of a mates brother hanging from our local park gates i was asked "& then what did you do" cue gasps of horror when i replied "well i didnt hang around" Not i should add from the rather fit police woman but from my family. (only 15 at the time so my family where present) No sense of humour some people.
 
#16
I had the misfortune of finding a dead body at work once, floating in the river Tyne. A diver was promptly sent over the side to see if the stiff could be rescued/resuscitated.

Diver (thereafter known as Sherlock): He's been dead some time, but not too long, his watch is still ticking.
Petty Officer X: Bags I the watch.
AB Y: Is his wallet still on him?
LH Z: What size are his wellies?

Compare and contrast with the modern age. HMS Ocean on deployment near Indonesia with a documentary camera crew. Officer of the Watch spots a body floating in the sea. In my day, it would have been used for SLR practice before being recovered to the junior rate's mess to hold a pint and pose for photos until it became too smelly.

But no, in the modern navy it has to be recovered immediately. As soon as the body is aboard ship, the chief medic of Ocean takes charge. The chief medic is a CPO Medical Assistant - a senior paramedic. As is appropriate for her position on Ocean, the biggest ship in the fleet, she is also undoubtedly the biggest medical assistant in the fleet. Hauling the body aboard ship is made considerably easier by the significant, gravitational field being generated by the Chief's arrse.

As the body is hauled aboard, chiefy tells everybody not to look at the face of the dead body, "or you'll be traumatised". As soon as the body hits the deck, she bursts into tears and runs off. I'll say no more, but you know what I'm thinking.
She's run off to get a claim form for the stress of dealing with a stiffy????
 
#17
Was on Employment training many moons ago. Came into the office one day to find the maintenance mananger had topped himself. Was taken to one side and spoken to about my 'attitude', when I asked where the application forms were available from for his job.
 
#18
unfortunately as our 'ethics training'mentor told us...you can be offending someone by saying something that someone else thinks may be offensive to the person you are talking to even if they aren't offended....it's the whole "I'm going to be offended on your behalf" but to the Nth degree.

Bloody stupid if you ask me.

S_R
 

Latest Threads

New Posts