Lost for words during sex . . .

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Biped, May 14, 2007.

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  1. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Mrs Biped, on the rare occasions when she gets in the mood keeps asking me to tell her what my fantasies are and what I'm thinking during sex.

    Now, I don't know if is because I'm an average blerk, or because I'm just so mentally damaged but . . . I'm lost for words! It goes without saying that I'm aware that women don't have orgasms, so I'm confused as to what she wants to hear.

    The best I can do is "I want to stick my thing in you, hard, repeatedly until I shoot my load!" or "nng nng urgh, nng, fcuk yeah!"

    What I am actually thinking is "Just get your kit off love 'cos I'm bursting!"

    Does anyone else have this problem, and/or what should I be saying to her, and why?
  2. don't say anything at all!!! the reason our eyes are closed is because we are thinking of someone else...and opening your gob shatters the illusion! So just SHUSH!!
  3. Unbelievable!

    You are giving her a good seeing-to and she wants you to to talk to her?!

    Does the the selfishness of women know no bounds?!

    Just grunt in her ear-'ole occasionally and tell her how lucky she is!

    Good Grief! :x
  4. She normally just says to me

    hurry up Mr Biped is due home shortly
  5. old_fat_and_hairy

    old_fat_and_hairy LE Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Do you not, as I do, have another woman there with you? So that either they can talk to each other and leave you in peace, or their mouthes are full -as are other areas - and you can still sit in peace and watch the footie?
  6. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Well, grunting in her ear is what I'm used to, but I could probably stretch to telling her how lucky she is. The only problem with that is that I have to think about it, and that puts me off.

    She's also mentioned stuff in the past about rythm, so I now put some drum'n'bass on in the background when we get to it.
  7. Funny you mention this as I had the same the other night.

    There I was giving her my best strokes. I was 10 seconds in, so about 20 more seconds to go and she says "what are you thinking about".

    It really was one of those times when I should have thought about it and then lied. Apparently saying "that you're not as tight as the trio of four year olds in the boot of the car" is inappropriate.

    Live and Learn eh?
  8. I was once hanging out of some bird who also asked me to talk dirty to her. So I said:

    "You're a filthy fcuking slut."

    Five minutes later she threw me out of her house. No sense of humour some people.!!! :D


  9. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Already tried that one with predictable results. She asked me to talk dirty to her and I said the usual stuff. She then asked me to stop saying it because it offended her?!?!
  10. "Darling, when we make love, do you think about somoene else?"

    "Don't be silly, I'm too busy thinking about myself!"
  11. The ex Mrs WBM also used to ask me what I my fantasies were, and did I want to be tied up, could we do the deed in my workplace etc. I was pretty much lost for words and ideas, perhaps my lack of imagination involving rope and vegetables is why I'm now looking for a future ex Mrs WBM.

    However, I was adventerous enough to tell her "You've been a bad girl..." whilst spanking her from behind, at her request! :D

    Does that count?
  12. One one occasion in West Clare I had reason to remark "Could you put that bottle of stout down and give me your undivided attention?" :x

    And the Bishop of Limerick did my bidding.

    I was in the wrong hotelroom . . . . . :oops: :roll:
  13. Mrs Schweik said to me "give me 12 inches and make me bleed"....

    .... so I fcuked her 3 times and punched her in the face.

    I'll get my coat.
  14. Okay. Bind her hands, take her from behind. Tell her you've shagged her mother or her sister, and.... hold on tight....!!!


  15. Hmmmm in the right situation I would have been asking you what you wanted for breakfast ;-)

    It's all in the delivery!