Losers

#1
Nah, not people, you bunch of cunts, the things they've lost.

There must have been some outstanding bollox dropped by the good membership of this Forum in regard to items entrusted to them, but failed to remain so due to varying levels of fuckwittery.

But let's not limit ourselves to HM Armed Forces, they guys and gals in blue are prone to a bit of possessional dumfuckness too.

So let's start with this classic from 2008...

Tony Blair's bodyguard left gun in Starbuck's toilet - Telegraph

Confess your 'mates' sins, you know it's good for you... er, them!
 
#2
I know a STAB tart that left her nine mil in an asda bog....
 
#3
I also know a certain ward manager that went for a dump with the paper, but unknown to him his key belt had come off, said manager finishes releasing his otter into the wild and buggers off back to the day room, two hours later a patient comes up to him " here boss ya left ya keys in the throne room".....bugger


This was in the UKs most secure hospital, filled with all kinds of cannibal rapist porridgegun types....



(..it was also me)
 
#4
I also know a certain ward manager that went for a dump with the paper, but unknown to him his key belt had come off, said manager finishes releasing his otter into the wild and buggers off back to the day room, two hours later a patient comes up to him " here boss ya left ya keys in the throne room".....bugger


This was in the UKs most secure hospital, filled with all kinds of cannibal rapist porridgegun types....



(..it was also me)
You have my absolution, my son. Sorry, it carrys no weight with others!
 
#7
I also know a certain ward manager that went for a dump with the paper, but unknown to him his key belt had come off, said manager finishes releasing his otter into the wild and buggers off back to the day room, two hours later a patient comes up to him " here boss ya left ya keys in the throne room".....bugger


This was in the UKs most secure hospital, filled with all kinds of cannibal rapist porridgegun types....



(..it was also me)
What were you, the manager or the patient? :)
 
#8
manager. although im not quite sure now. those windows....they, are sooo tasty!
 
#9
While working with the Navy on Op Grenada I was on a boarding party and had the pleasure of watching a matelot frantically wave good bye to his SA80 as it sunk to the bottom of the Irish Sea (that's why it has a sling). Also got to watch an ARMY underwater search team recover the NAVY's gang plank steps at Moscow Camp's jetty after a certain Ton class skipper knocked them in to the oggin whilst trying to bring his ship alongside.

Despite that all fantastic blokes and a real pleasure to work with
 
#10
Early 80s, an RUC left a Sterling in a local barbers shop. Fortunately, said barber was also a J.P.

A few years ago, 5 newly passed-out PSNI gave their PPWs to a nightclub bouncer in Belfast "for safekeeping". Lucky again, the bouncer called the police.
 
#11
A few years ago, 5 newly passed-out PSNI gave their PPWs to a nightclub bouncer in Belfast "for safekeeping". Lucky again, the bouncer called the police.
You couldn't make that shit up!
 
B

Boozy

Guest
#14
Early 80s, an RUC left a Sterling in a local barbers shop. Fortunately, said barber was also a J.P.

A few years ago, 5 newly passed-out PSNI gave their PPWs to a nightclub bouncer in Belfast "for safekeeping". Lucky again, the bouncer called the police.
early 90s, a peeler left his loaded ppw on the edge of the bath, then went downstairs and forgot about it.

Baby Boozy (circa 6/7years old) then came along found it, pointed it at all sorts of things as if it was a toy before taking it downstairs and pointing it the forgetful peeler. "Look daddy you forgot this!" ... Shat himself all over again :)
 
#15
Summer of 1997 a big fat sweaty peeler came to the door of my mate's maisonette flat where were getting stuck into his 100 litres of homebrew cider, and asked had we seen anyone running around with a gun. My mate said "Yep, matter of fact I have. He's about your size and build, wearing a green shirt..oh wait, it wasn't you after all - you seem to have lost yours!"

Copper not amused

Linky : Loyalists may have missing police gun.(News) - The News Letter (Belfast, Northern Ireland) | HighBeam Research
 
#16
Summer of 1997 a big fat sweaty peeler came to the door of my mate's maisonette flat where were getting stuck into his 100 litres of homebrew cider, and asked had we seen anyone running around with a gun. My mate said "Yep, matter of fact I have. He's about your size and build, wearing a green shirt..oh wait, it wasn't you after all - you seem to have lost yours!"

Copper not amused

Linky : Loyalists may have missing police gun.(News) - The News Letter (Belfast, Northern Ireland) | HighBeam Research
Oh yes during the annual soapy bubble sparked up by the Garvachy Road saga we found ourselves going out on the ground again in fermanagh there was a lack of peelers as they were in high demand and chin strapped(as we were) this lead to the lost property front desk bod being told to get out on the ground with us.

Said peeler arrives at the loading bay and watches as we load up.

Suddenly as we file to the gate he shouts Shit hang on off he jogs(well to a fashion) back to his office reappears five minuets later saying found it !!!!

Triumphantly waving his pistol in the air.

To this day I doubt if the thing was loaded.
 
#17
During a B11 trade test we were tasked to recover a rl bedford out of a river using what was known as a dead mans anchor,
on taking up the strain the anchor went 100yds airborne and disappeared in the forest ,as far as the rl is concerned it could still be in the river as far as i know, does that count as a loss?
fukc we spent all morning digging that anchor.
 
#18
3/4 ton Land Rover and attached Conbat. Mislaid at Otterburn. Finally located in Leeds. Should have ended up in Sheffield.

Now I can understand someone jumping in the wrong wagon by mistake, all being the same colour, but you'd have though that someone would have noticed that their convoy of 2 wagons had increased by 50%.
 
#19
Maze prison 1996. Signals team laying cables and installing field telephones enters IRA compound and starts to install phones. After 30 mins being watched by bemused inmates, scaleybacks realise error and make hasty retreat, but leave phones and cable in place, never to be seen again.
 
#20
Maze prison 1996. Signals team laying cables and installing field telephones enters IRA compound and starts to install phones. After 30 mins being watched by bemused inmates, scaleybacks realise error and make hasty retreat, but leave phones and cable in place, never to be seen again.
It was you wasnt it :D
 
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