Lookin for Lurve

I've never done anything like this before (I know everyone always says that!) anywho I decided it was about time I started putting out...I mean putting myself out in the dating scene, so I thought I'd try a Lonely Hearts columm so here I am, *giggle*.

You may have noticed I couldnt afford a dating service so I thought I'd try this instead. So here goes..

I'll tell you some stuff about meself then shall I?

Me mum says I'm real pretty and that when I lose a bit of me puppy fat I'll have guys lining up for miles just to talk to me.

Anyway, I'm 35, and I have blonde hair but I dye it black and let it grow out a bit so I have blonde roots, me mum says this is real sophisticated and it makes me really stand out from the crowd.

I have heaps of hobbies and stuff, I'm a real active person, I surf sOOOO many different web sites everyday its ridiculous.

Anyhow at the moment I am collecting the plastic clips that tie up loaves of bread, i have over a thousand of them, and heaps from different countries all around the world, when I have two thousand im going to make meself a real nice dress out of them, and a necklace just like the one Nicole Kidman wore in Moulin Rouge, except it will be made of bread clips and not diamonds, I think it will still look nice.

People sometimes tell me I look like Nicole Kidman, except I dont have red hair, and I'm not tall and thin like her of course, and not really very pretty either...but I once had a boyfriend who was shorter then me who had a big nose...so we have remarkably similar lives really...when I am old enough I hope to work in a bordello just like Nicole Kidman. I'm her number one fan actually, she even wrote me a letter once...actually it was from her solicitor, but apparently it was on her behalf.

I collect other stuff too, I used to collect toilet paper rolls, except they are too big and my house got filled up too quickly with them, and the fireman said it was a fire hazard, and also sometimes the neighbours don't like it when you take the toilet roles from their place before their finished, and going through people's bins gets kinda messy, then one time I got chased by a couple dogs because I smelt like garbage, and I was real scared, so now I have some scars from the bites but mum says you can hardly notice the one on me face anyway.

I also enjoy astrology and I am a bit psychic,....actually no I think my doctor said I was a bit psychotic...but I can also read peoples minds.

So that's me, I look forward to hearing from all you spunky guys out there. :D


My my Lifey, your inbox is going to be a little on the full side after that LOL :lol:
My kind of woman...

...ummmm, No.
All that dribble at the top is irrelavent lifey

Should read

Old desperate bird, gagging for it, not a bad looker, will compensate by rug munching any totty you bring home, swallowing, and taking it in the council gritter :D

replies to lifey..............
Corporal said:
I want to know if the curtains and carpet match.....
are they grey to match her elderly ladies haircut you mean :D
Seems I have pulled.......

mighty_doh-nut said:
Lifey, I always knew you were the woman for me and this just proves it.
I can see you in my mind’s eye….a picture of beauty in your wonderful dress.
If you need any help with getting more bread clips I will look in my loft. I have lots of things up there, perhaps some silver foil milk bottle tops would enhance it?
I have a few sackfuls of those and would happily let you rummage through my old drawers to grab some.
I can hardly wait to meet you in Blackpool my darling. I am counting the days, hours and minutes.
Don’t worry, I will swing it so we can have adjoining rooms with a connecting door so we can be together without letting anyone else know of our night of passion.
Until soon my Love.
Your Doh-nut x x x x
My ship has come in! :lol:
I'd give Lifesaver one.............mind you I'm also the same bloke that wanted to give Ann Widdercombe one as well..........................oooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhh ........too late! somebody pass me a tissue please?
Well hello, perhaps you are that girl whose stare i caught across the Naafi floor. I must say those tattoos did look mean but i am sure your personality will more than make up for that. :lol:
Birddog said:
Well hello, perhaps you are that girl whose stare i caught across the Naafi floor. I must say those tattoos did look mean but i am sure your personality will more than make up for that. :lol:
And just think of all the hours and hours of fun you can have chatting about all those names so carefully self inked on her arms and then equally carefully blocked out, but not quite faded..... as you look into those deep pools of brown.....

What a load of bollocks. Lonely Hearts? Rules are simple

1. If you are a bird, you'll get a shag, even if you are Simon Weston in a dress. If you go away minus shag, then you should be classified as a separate life form.

2. Blokes, look for the above, guaranteed shag.
Ooh, wish I was a man, cos you sound gorgeous and witty and charming and I'd marry you. Without even meeting you first.

I would, if I could. Honest.

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