Well, I have just finished being sat on the throne, at Chez Hitler, where I let rip with the longest fart I have ever done - I estimate it must have been at least 25 seconds long and was almost musical in its expellation. I swear I could hear the cow mooing in mirth as I ejected the gaseous remains of the Beef Barolo I ate last night. At the end of it, I have to say, I was almost doubled up with laughter at, this, my proudest effort at emulating, that most august of individuals, Le Petomane. So, let's see, what the longest fart you've ever done? Full details are expected with alacrity.