Long River, Short Fish..........

#1
Doris wants sprogs! Late out of the gate, but who am I to argue?

Feck says I, there goes my life of well planned P&Q. So, bosh-bosh, nothing doing. Bosh again, still no result. Your fault says I, bowlarks says she....we're going to the doctor.

So, off we go to the IVF clinic. Typical Chelsea "doctor", more interested in lunch than doctoring. She started quoting success statistics....big mistake given my day job. I interrogated her on the distribution of the data set and she glazed over and began gibbering. Me telling her she was talking horse-kok didn't go down well...........nor with Doris come to that.

Anyway, point of the post is to share my experience with "That Test". To be honest, I was quite looking forward to it. Chance for a cheeky morning shuffle after eyeballing the MILFs in the waiting room........lovely.

So, there I am, endorphins pumping after doing the necessary and I get my knob stuck in the specimen jar. Wouldn't come out for love nor money. So, being ex-Army, I figure out a cunnng plan.

With trousers around my ankles, I reached for the only man-on-man mag in the room, figuring that the sight of 'em at it would make the old fella shrink and so escape the jar.

Plan is going swimmingly, I'm thrashing away, making sure the "Banker Juice" stays in the jar........when..........in walks the nurse to ask me if I'm finished.

She looked at the "reading matter", shrugged, and said......."don't worry, I've seen it all before".

What could I do............ 8O

Am I the only one to suffer this ignominy?
 
#2
Banker said:
Am I the only one to suffer this ignominy?
Of course you are, the rest of us can score in an open goal.

You're a jaffa, but no great loss as you're clearly a fan of Arsenal as well.
 

udipur

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
I've heard some excuses in my time...
 
#4
"Does this conclude the case for the defence sir Archibald?"

"Erm..yes your lordship..."
 
#5
Thats the most long winded out-climbing of the closet oi ever did hear.
 
#7
vvaannmmaann said:
They have a few spare in Haiti at the moment.Could you go and buy one of those?
Yes going cheap. I bet that Madonna is kicking herself!
 
#10
Why on EARTH would they have homo-porn in a fertility clinic? Admit it....you took your own didn't you!!
 
#12
Honestly, it was an innocent mistake, a cunning plan gone wrong.................would I lie to you? Trust me, I'm a banker.

In all seriousness, the porn "collection" was something to behold. Not since stumbling drunk into a QARANC mess bash have I witnessed a greater accumulation of minging goppers laid out before me. Absolute bottom-shelf saddle-baggery. Ended up using an iphone to tap into their wireless and hitting the web.

Moving on (please), any views on whether children at 44 years old is a great idea?
 
#13
Banker said:
Honestly,

Moving on (please), any views on whether children at 44 years old is a great idea?
Well if you get to retire at 65 you can share the party with their 21st :lol:

Crack on m8 just makes sure they don't pop out a different colour to yourself.
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#14
I asked my missus to drop mine at 35 for me, and it's great three years down the road. Lots of fun being a dad.

On the other hand, you could adopt a small brown baby from Africa, seeing as you're a banker, a homo AND a jaffa. :policecap:
 
#15
tiger stacker said:
Banker said:
Honestly,

Moving on (please), any views on whether children at 44 years old is a great idea?
Well if you get to retire at 65 you can share the party with their 21st :lol:

Crack on m8 just makes sure they don't pop out a different colour to yourself.
65? Are you fooking nuts.........I'll be sipping gin by the pool at 50.
 
#16
Banker said:
Moving on (please), any views on whether children at 44 years old is a great idea?
Don't see why not. Some blokes have kids in their sixties.

 
#17
Banker said:
Anyway, point of the post is to share my experience with "That Test". To be honest,...
So getting back to the test: were you're little swimmers pairing off before going down to Ikea hand in hand to look at the soft furnishings or are they properly hetro unlike their host?
 
#18
Banker said:
Doris wants sprogs! Late out of the gate, but who am I to argue?

Feck says I, there goes my life of well planned P&Q. So, bosh-bosh, nothing doing. Bosh again, still no result. Your fault says I, bowlarks says she....we're going to the doctor.

So, off we go to the IVF clinic. Typical Chelsea "doctor", more interested in lunch than doctoring. She started quoting success statistics....big mistake given my day job. I interrogated her on the distribution of the data set and she glazed over and began gibbering. Me telling her she was talking horse-kok didn't go down well...........nor with Doris come to that.

Anyway, point of the post is to share my experience with "That Test". To be honest, I was quite looking forward to it. Chance for a cheeky morning shuffle after eyeballing the MILFs in the waiting room........lovely.

So, there I am, endorphins pumping after doing the necessary and I get my knob stuck in the specimen jar. Wouldn't come out for love nor money. So, being ex-Army, I figure out a cunnng plan.

With trousers around my ankles, I reached for the only man-on-man mag in the room, figuring that the sight of 'em at it would make the old fella shrink and so escape the jar.

Plan is going swimmingly, I'm thrashing away, making sure the "Banker Juice" stays in the jar........when..........in walks the nurse to ask me if I'm finished.

She looked at the "reading matter", shrugged, and said......."don't worry, I've seen it all before".

What could I do............ 8O

Am I the only one to suffer this ignominy?
All lies.
 
#20
I for one am amazed you managed to get your JT stuck in a specimen jar tbh, I think your problem isnt a lack of active jiz, but more a case of having such a small cock.
 

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