Long pig... How soon before some is found at a Tesco near you?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by sportbilly42, Feb 11, 2013.

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  1. (alternative title "The Dawn of 'New Vegetarianism'")

    Lots of scare stories being whipped up by the media now about the various cuts of horse meat being found in all sorts of low quality 'Ping Meals' in a store near you.. The story has a long way to go before the journos move on, but now that the Food Standards Agency are to bring in more rigorous DNA testing, might there be a REAL scare story yet to be brought to the public's attention that the entire food industry might want to be covered up? One that might even make the regular horsemeat or game eaters that are laughing off this current media frenzy feel a little bit queasy....

    It doesn't take much to turn the stomach of the Great British public when it comes to what they shove down their gullet. 'Trace elements' of old nags in their 99p value lasagne has them reaching for their sick bags (despite the reassurance that horsemeat raised for the table is quite tasty).

    But what if the 'rigorous DNA testing' were to record 'trace elements' of human flesh in some really tasty looking slabs of mince at Tesco? Would it be hushed up and shrugged off as a possible minor incident at the meat processing plant where some unfortunate Romanian butcher must have caught his finger in the mincer? It probably already happens more times than the authorities care to admit. (Although even that should have the red top papers screaming on Full Panic mode.)

    But how about those Sicilian sausages? Horsemeat dressed as salami? ...or The Mob's latest hit....? Uncle Tony Corleone dipped in aromatic spices and fed through the mincer...

    100% human flesh content in a lasagne would be difficult to fob off as just a 'labelling issue'.....

    (btw I reserve the film rights for the upcoming B Movie plot if it ever comes to anything....)
  2. I'd rather be eating minced up Polish dock worker than be a vegetarian.

    The pale, weak fucking grass eating cunts.
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  3. Look, the government isn't introducing that £75k on elderly personal care out of the kindness of its heart. Where do you think Chicken Nuggets get that wrinkled look from?
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  4. Mmmh, I dunno, with the right marketing they could probably charge more for "long pig". It is an aquired taste but I'm informed that it's quite pleasant with fava beans and a nice Chianti, Clarice. Th-th-th-th.
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  5. I know! What the fuck is a "nut-cutlet" about? If you want cutlets, eat pork! Veggy walts!
  6. You'd want to talk to the estate of Harry Harrison about that....
    (Soylent Green - 1973 neé Make Room! Make Room! - 1966)
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  7. I'm pleased to say I don't have a microwave.
  8. How do you dry your pet hamster?
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  9. What do you think Linda McCartneys bangers were made of then, eh?
  10. I have a dog and a parrot, the parrot flaps and sometimes i towel the dog off.
  11. Cancer?
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  12. Surely one of these, though? :)

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  13. What, not even a Miele one?
  14. No, I had one once and I got rid of it, can't see the point of them, nothing I cook tends to need microwave help.
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  15. Silicon?