Locked in the bog

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mighty_doh_nut, Aug 10, 2006.

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  1. I won't be around for some time now as I have discovered a new means of self pleasure.

    I vanished upstairs with the latest Corps journals and sat on the throne grunting and straining trying to free last nights chicken combo.

    It did hurt a bit and had to squeeze out the baby otter in stages making it look like a big black crinkle cut chip.

    Halfway through the urge to sneeze came over me, no dramas I thought reaching for the bog roll to catch the jet of snot and blood bogeys that wold fly from my schnozzer, I wasn't prepared for what followed...

    I sneezed with such force that my fritter closed crimping off the cable in mid length, this sent a wave of absolute pleasure through my body and gave me an instant boner.... I'm sure I had a tiny weeny orgasm as there was a bead of finest pre cum on the end of my champ. (yes I scoffed it) To say it was amazing would be an understatement, rivallign any w@nk.

    Shocked, I regained some composure and looked around the room with a grin on my face wonder if that feling could be repeated.

    Needless to say, poo times will now involve me looking directly at the sun and snorting dry pepper as i squeeze the waste from my colon

    Yours, retreating to the lavatory until further notice
    MDN... sexual explorer
  2. A cotton bud up the nostril can agitate quite well.
  3. I don't want to appear weird mate, but something that might add to your pleasure, is doing a bit of "H Blocking"

    There's nothing I like better on a Sunday morning, than having my weekend dump, then smearing the contents all over the walls, quickly growing a lengthy beard and wrapping myself up in a GS blanket. The look on my wife's face when she comes in to see what i'm up to, is priceless.

    "Blood-y hell, not the dirty protest again"

    In my best Norn-Irish I reply "Fcuk off peeler, yer'll never defeat me"

    She usually takes the kids to the Wacky Warehouse after that.
  4. I'm with Convoy on this.
    Re-inacting the hunger strikes is uber erotische. The only thing that may be problematic, is when you're at work having a poo, thrown in with a bit of dirty protesting, your work colleagues may become confused by the shouts of "NO SURRENDER!" and "SMASH THE KESH!"
    Being bellowed from the disabled traps, (the true home of the work poo/milk hybrid proffesional)
  5. Rigger - spot on with the disabled toilets - many a "tug" in there!

    Walk out of your office carrying an unsealed A4 envelope containing the latest issue of "Zipper" or "Vulcan", trying to look busy....

    That said, a former (work) girlfriend (the real one didn't work with me) also received a portion of the "small flacid guy" in there too....

    And I know a mate had a "while you're down there" moment in them too....
  6. lol... now I have never used the internet in the library and they probably will never let me use it again after all the fits of laughter reading MDN's post...

    fook me man ... you are a legend!!
  7. Convoy after the day I've had there is no way I could muster the energy to smear my mess all over the walls.

    Ive got a conk like Daniella Westbrooks from snorting pepper and a ring piece like an empty dulux tin.....

    I have however, had more orgasms than i can count and the only time I have touched my nob was to wipe a bit of cack off the back of my sack when I suffered a bit of poo touchy when i snapped it off that little bit too hard.

    Towards the end of the afternoon I had run out of silage and was straining so hard I nearly passed my own ribcage...... I used my initiative and jammed a broom handle up my claypit, when I sneezed my colon crimped so tight it snapped and tw@tted me on the back of the head leaving a lump that would make John Merrick green with envy

    I'm buying compo in bulk, I can't hack it everday but the thought of a day on the throne every fourth day will suit me down to the ground.
  8. Leave the broom handle alone and opt instead to fiddle with your fritter using an old fashioned circular headed bog brush. Insert it in your claypit and just as you have taken a teaspoon full of snuff and you tussle with your gland rip it out as you approach the vinegar strokes. Your prostate will never know what hit it

    The one drawback is that it carries a high risk of prolapse which will ensure that the inside of the bog will look like PIRA have just detonated one of their trademark muckspreader bombs
  9. I have just moved in to a new building and for the first time have bogs for both sexes , having spent the first week crapping in "mens and the second in the "ladies"I decided it was time to investigate the other end of the building and what should I find but a spacker trap.
    Armed with some fine porn I set sail today to release some otters in this spacious poo palace and have one off the wrist where the. Once inside with the door locked what should I find hung on the back of the door in its attractive green handbag ? A resi and filters .
    Imagining a wheelchair bound mong in a resi meant I didn't need the porn and the filters gave me somewhere to leave my mess, but why oh why was there a Resi in thali-trap in the first place ? Have MDN and Cait headed Down Under?