Lockdown Tips

Actually, I haven't seen @The_Duke anywhere for a while.

Hope he's all right.
 

skid2

LE
Book Reviewer
I didn't Always live on my own you know....

And besides, despite this, I do actually have people come over every once in a while... You know, like normal folk?

The Monopoly set is there in case I accidentally befriend a bell-end, we can play Monopoly to ensure he/she never darkens my doorstep again.

Ahem, the real reason is because it's an original set with wooden houses and I read somewhere it's worth a fortune, apparently.
Social services, wildly overstretched, yet they still find the time God bless them.
Heroes, one and all.
 
Ho2331 tip number 1. Don't assume that just because you believe that you can play chess like Gary Kasporov, that you will wipe the floor with your other half.
 

Boris_Johnson

ADC
Moderator
DirtyBAT
Join Grindr get a length in a local park.
As appealing as that sounds, reminds me of my last boss (Maj / SO2) in my last post...

I'd heard of Tinder, Bumble, PoF etc. And Grinder from the Inbetweener Movie, although being married had no idea about any of it, just knew that they were "dating apps"

Anyway, on breaking the news to him that my wife and I had decided to separate, in his typical carefree, unsympathetic manner he's like "oh mate... Get yourself on grinder bud, get out there and get some action, that'll help".

Obviously it was still fresh and the last thing on my mind at that point was hosing some vulnerable single mum who'd put out for luncheon meat... But as the weeks went by, one lonely Friday afternoon in my Mess apartment, pre-w@nk, thought I'd see what all these dating apps are all about.

Clicked on Google Play Store, searched for Grinder and reading the App Synopsis - I realised that my old boss was a bit of a cnut.
 

StBob072

LE
Book Reviewer
Lockdown tip No 94 :- Normal jogging, nothing changes, only the social interaction, Everything else can be ignored. Food shops are open, that's it, you have a bed to sleep in, food to eat, a shirt on your back, a TV, computer, smart phone, books, DVD's, CD's, a lap top, tablet. vinyl records, cassette tapes, FFS what more do you need,
Sunshine. We need plenty of warm sunshine, or it could all go to tits very rapidly.
 
Lockdown tip starts.
Lockdown tip #69.
Lockdown tip ends.
 
Since I live on my own, the little contact I've had with other people has been at 2 metres on the odd occasion I've ventured out to the shop, or sat at my desk in a virtually empty office when I'm unable to work from home.

As I've found more spare time on my hands, the fact I'm having to charge my phone up 2 or 3 times a day tells its own story. You only have to look at the BBC front page, Facebook, Twitter, even ARRSE "What's New" to see that almost everyone with Internet access is using their time to propagate the Covid 19 hysteria. From false news featuring miracle cures, to "copy and paste this bollocks" to some downright funnies, political point scoring, "what about me?" posts... honestly, reading some of the reaction to the government's bail out plans is like the Diamond Jubilee medal threads of old on here...

Despite this, I've managed to employ my own perception filter of sorts, and used my time in a slightly different way...

Over the last couple of weeks I've been posting "Lockdown tips" on my FaceAche page. I usually post very little, but my thinking is that people are getting a bit fed up with outrage posts about shit-roll, throwing fresh food away, videos of each other clapping louder than their neighbours at 8pm on a Thursday evening, conspiracy theories and whatnot. Sure there's enough of it on here.

Anyway, here's what I've come up with so far. Some funny, some factual, some culinary... Feel free to add your own.
download (1).jpeg
 

Slime

LE

endure

GCM

Fang_Farrier

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
Lockdown top #94.
To avoid being bothered by your neighbours ensure you start and then run your chainsaw at irregular times.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
As appealing as that sounds, reminds me of my last boss (Maj / SO2) in my last post...

I'd heard of Tinder, Bumble, PoF etc. And Grinder from the Inbetweener Movie, although being married had no idea about any of it, just knew that they were "dating apps"

Anyway, on breaking the news to him that my wife and I had decided to separate, in his typical carefree, unsympathetic manner he's like "oh mate... Get yourself on grinder bud, get out there and get some action, that'll help".

Obviously it was still fresh and the last thing on my mind at that point was hosing some vulnerable single mum who'd put out for luncheon meat... But as the weeks went by, one lonely Friday afternoon in my Mess apartment, pre-w@nk, thought I'd see what all these dating apps are all about.

Clicked on Google Play Store, searched for Grinder and reading the App Synopsis - I realised that my old boss was a bit of a cnut.
He saw things in you that you still deny.
 

endure

GCM
I didn't Always live on my own you know....

And besides, despite this, I do actually have people come over every once in a while... You know, like normal folk?

The Monopoly set is there in case I accidentally befriend a bell-end, we can play Monopoly to ensure he/she never darkens my doorstep again.

Ahem, the real reason is because it's an original set with wooden houses and I read somewhere it's worth a fortune, apparently.
Rip it apart and see if there are any maps of WW2 Germany inside
 
#32

Sleep during the day to avoid bellends bothering you and give the impression you're isolating. Black up and hunt tramps at night, bringing their ears and scrota home to decorate your sex dungeon.
 
#32

Sleep during the day to avoid bellends bothering you and give the impression you're isolating. Black up and hunt tramps at night, bringing their ears and scrota home to decorate your sex dungeon.
Additional to this, hook up a music player to your doorbell that broadcasts the sound of an emphysema suffer to scare off any unwanted visitors.
 
Was bored last week so SWMBO said to look on the internet and order something to keep you occupied. Took a while to chose something but expecting this delivery any day now..
 
Get all of the board games in your house together, take them outside, douse in petrol and set them on fire.

The most entertainment I have ever had from a bored game ever!!
 

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