Local "characters"

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Tricky1982, Sep 22, 2012.

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  1. Every town has one, usually more than one, those fucking fruitloops you see doing crazy things in the street, so I put it to arrse, what tales do you have of your local characters?

    In Brid there's a few, there's one they call "sharkey", and everytime someone says sharkey to him he starts trying to eat his own hand. Allegedly one time a group of kids were circling him on their bikes chanting it at him, poor fucker nearly chewed his fingers completely off!

    Another one in Brid called "smelly Andy", he looks very much like Battery Sergeant Major Williams from it aint half hot mum, complete with beret, blazer and swagger stick, and he marches around town with eyewatering BO, with a wire hanging off his ear (from a sony walkman) telling everyone in earshot that he's the chief commander of CID and asking around Tesco if there's any security jobs going. Apparently it takes six carers to get him in the bath which clearly doesn't happen often!

    There used to be one in Beverley train station on a night that we called "chicken man", he used to pace up and down the platform making clicking noises at first, then he'd start clapping loudly while walking like a chicken doing the same head movements, everyone used to be sat there with their hands over their mouths and tears down their faces trying not to piss themselves laughing.

    My lass used to see this one all the time on her way to work, there's loads of videos on youtube of him, fucking hilarious!

    I know we aren't supposed to mock the afflicted, and they have genuine problems, but fucking hell they sometimes get up to some funny stuff!
     
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  2. I saw that cunt in Eccles a few years back, he was eyeing up a young lad with evil intent. Luckily for the young lad his tram came and Aki didn't follow him onto it. The dirty muscle measuring, do a quick burst of squats for me, bum bandit.
     
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  3. When they let him out of Prison. He will be the starring role.
     
  4. He's busy bumming "vulnerable" smack heads who need protection. He is in Purple heaven with a harem of young boys to play with
     
  5. This guy's a bit of a Hull institution.

     
  6. This fuckwit.

     
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  7. I've seen him down Hedon road near my work before, in a similar state
     
  8. wedge_cadman

    wedge_cadman War Hero Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Lee "bagman" was often seen around the Gypsyville area when I used to live in Hull in the late 90's. His nickname back in then was Glue boy. Every now and then his mother would try to get him to go home without success.

    Is the "chicken man" still going? I remember him on Beverly station but he hadn't got into the full funky strut back then, just the clapping.
     
  9. Getting back on subject, but on a theme, there was a bipolar woman called Aggi (apparently) who roamed the streets anywhere between Ladbroke Grove and Victoria from the late seventies onwards. Initially her wild bouts of swearing were quite funny. However, she got steadily worse and would appear with plaster casts or wound dressings. God only knows how she remained alive to appear in front of my car one sunny afternoon in 1995 completely naked and covered in sores.

    We should be sympathetic towards these characters left to be uncared for in the community. On the contrary; this experience made me want to fucking wretch and go around with a 9mm putting these poor specimens out of my agony.
     
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  10. 'Monkey Man', massively mis-shapen head and arms that stopped just short of his knees. He lived in some flats with his ageing Mum and did all her running about for her. He could, quite bizarrely, name any area code in the U.K. at will, I think based on that he was autistic? We were rotten little cunts and always had his cash off him and taxed him for his fags. When his Mum popped off he went proper loony and inhaled his own vomit and popped off imbibing a mountain of booze and wasnt found for nearly a week.

    On a jolly note though there was another guy called 'Geronimo' when I was a bit older, a proper Harry Ramp in evey respect. Always had 20 layers on, wore a UN Cyprus lid sans badge and had the obligitory filthy dog on a bit of old string but fuck me did Geronimo stink!! No lie, if you were a good 10 feet behind him you could sample the fetid tang of piss, shit and stong lager, he was hugely aggressive though and would shout at cars in the street and piss anywhere he like, and I mean anywhere!

    His name came from his well known shreik of 'GERONIMOOOOOOO' as he charged at you with a suprising vigour when you'd teased him enough, he caught my mate Stuart once and leathered him on the ground floor of a multi storey car park while I hid, shitting myself daft but quite amused behind another parked car :) My lasting memory of him was when I was going to trade some of my Nintendo games at a shop and caught sight of Geronimo sqautting down behind some shrubbery shitting brown liquid out of his hoop, why I didnt keep walking ill never know but our eyes locked, I stopped, well, froze and he simply screamed 'GERONIMOOOO' whilst pumping his fist in the air and started laughing, proper nutbag.
     
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  11. I'm not sure, its 10 years now since I was last waiting for a train there but he didn't seem all that old then so presume he's still on the go!

    There used to be one in Driffield called "Twister" as well, lived in an old derelict house near the main street, and when we were all going into town for lunch from school he used to chase us round the streets with a broom handle with a big knife fastened on the end of it! We never reported it as back then it was all part of the fun of running away. He used to hang around near the chippy in town getting discarded chip wrappers out of the bins and eating leftovers from them
     
  12. Knacker, what's the history behind this "Aki" chap and is he worth a length?

    I've heard his name mentioned before but I'm not acquainted with him at all.
     
  13. There used to be a bloke they called " shaky " in Swinton in the 70's/80's who used to walk around muttering to himself then if you was lucky you got to see him do his amazing shaky dance of wobbling his arrse about then shaking one leg until the shit started flying out the bottom of his trouser leg. He was eventually taken into care.