Little Tea leaves - advice

I thought I get the sage like advice of Arrse members on a little problem my sister and brother-in law have at the moment....don't all get excited, it's nothing to do with bedroom antics!
They've had on 3 occasions, kids (16 - 18 years olds) scaling their garden wall, one of which led to a mountain bike being nicked (which they didn't report as the friend it belonged to who was round there at the time, didn't think there was much point and it was an old bike). The other time my brother-in law was having a cratfy smoke outside one evening as a kid dopped down into the garden, but he was like a f*cking mountain goat and back over the 7ft wall in seconds when he heard my bother-in law shout. The latest incident was yesterday, when my wife was round there babysitting their nippers for the day and a neighbour came over to say he had just shouted at some kids (same ones?) who were casing the place and about to scale the wall.
Now there isn't much to pinch from the garden...a kids trampoline (which might draw some attention as they drag it down the street!) and a few kid's toys. The only other thing is that they are building an extension on their house and maybe they thought there were tools about or that the house would be unsecure. Whether these kids are chancing it, whether they thought there may be more bikes or whether it is locals kids who have been watching the place and seen something they like, who knows???
What I'm after is advice on a couple of things - how can the garden be made more secure? Is old fashion glass along the wall top allowed these days? Would they get away with fixing gripper rod down? I've already discounted the use of razor wire, as I'm sure a local PCSO might have a field day! Anybody used anything like anti vandal paint, can it be applied to brickwork (and not look a mess)?
And finally.... I just know if I was there the temptation to grip one of these chavs and hold him tightly by the neck while Mr Plod bimbles round to the house would be too much to resist, but we all know the likely outcome and who'd get charged with holding someone against their will etc! :evil:
How about installing a few cold frames up against the wall. They are keen gardeners I presume?
Rambling roses sprawling over the fence. Holly bushes. Anything prickly that will tear the skin to shreds, will work wonders and it's legal.
Just let the little tw@ts hurt themselves......................... Oh, and don't forget to watch. Video it then send it to you've been framed and claim your 200 beer chitty's.
Hawthorn Bushes, grow like wildfire and you definatley don`t want to get tangled in those
Anti-climb paint or axle grease on top of the wall works a treat as it totally knacks their chavvy burberry/nike etc gear.Or borrow a mates Rotty or Staff to patrol the garden for a bit.Or just keep a diary of their raids,phoning the council & plod every time-one or other will eventually get peed off enough to do something about it.Don't follow or photo or threaten the little ratkids-you will be in the wrong & plod will come down on you like a ton of bricks as soon as they complain :x
Home CCTV is cheap,you can get a good outdoor camera kit for about £20 and just need an old VCR to run it through.

As to actually stopping them going over the wall,Alsation Mk1?
Loosen a few bricks so that when they climb on the wall it collapses on them.............then get them arrested for criminal damage.........just a thought!!!!
Assuming it is a brick wall then try these: SPIKES-_-91810

and good application of this: PAINT-_-16822

Both are legal and easy to put in place, the paint just needs to be on the top row or 2 of bricks, the spikes along the top on the outer edge...don't forget the signs.

In addition I would suggest a lovely hedge along the inside...something like: - security pack halfway down.

Add in a CCTV to capture the fun and you are all done.

Stab them all and bury the bodies under the extention....

Failing that, you could raise the wall.

Or add some items from this range

I particularly like the idea of a roller barrel that is both non lethal and hard to climb over.... but really like the idea of spiky things that are likely to maim the little fcukers. At 7ft I don't think you have to worry about the PCSO, but I would think that the company above could help with the legalese.

razer spike 2... from South Africa.

quite pretty too.

1.5m length costs under 30 quid each....
Broken glass on the top of the wall. "well i didnt put it there constable, perhaps its from when the chav scum tried to chuck a bottle over my wall?"
You do not want to fit anything that could be classified as intended to cause harm...unfortunately that rules out razor wire,barbed wire,glass and other very effective items.

However,this could be a chance to do a little gardening and a little landscaping,as far as I know you are still allowed to plant flowers and such in your Garden,without the Police state taking your DNA.

Have a trip down to your local garden centre and you will find a multitude of plants that make a great fence,especially have a good look at the ones with 1" sharp thorns and barbs on...flowerless rose bushes growing within a homemade frame for example are bloody lethal....ask someone sensible there,and they will probally show you the favourites for just such a need.

Then assuming their shredded little chav bodies manage to escape the triffids,it would be incredibly painfull to land on a certain type of flower bed from a 7 foot jump.A mixture of plants and a loose jagged rockery will really make for a painfull ankle smashing landing,and there are popular eastern plants that I cannot recall the name of now....but are essentially baby bamboo plants,that go really well with the loose rockery,often these are all placed on a gravel bed for artistic effect.

Imagine trying to land on 1 foot high,very thin but incredibly rigid and strong baby bamboo stalks,interspaced with random,loose jagged a natural unsharpened Punjii stick trap.

This depends on the size of your garden and your avaliable cash,as you are looking at the rose-plants being just below the height of your fence and your rockery needs to be going for at least 3 or more feet in width from your fence.

Legal and looks nice.
Sod all the green peace bollix, construct a hide at that end of the garden, then sit and wait for the scrotes to come back over the wall.

Once they are inside the property perimeter, beat the shite out of them with a baseball bat or other similar such item, and then dump them on waste ground outside the area, with a liberal soaking of petrol mit match.

Job sorted, and no come back.
What we need is a sort of 'ground force security special'

You know, Alan Titshmarsh meets Stala Luft 3.

Brambles to ensare the fcukers, rockeriers to break their ankles and few little green house thinkgies to both grow veg in and cut open their arteries.....

chocolate_frog said:
What we need is a sort of 'ground force security special'

You know, Alan Titshmarsh meets Stala Luft 3.

Brambles to ensare the fcukers, rockeriers to break their ankles and few little green house thinkgies to both grow veg in and cut open their arteries.....


In all honesty, I dont think mint has the same acidic properties as some herbs, so just wont cut the mustard of pain to put them off.
TRY HERE, google groups;
Search the archives. It is a question that is asked regularly, but the suggestion tend to involve less gory violence.

Pyrocanthus seems to be the preferred spiky bush, but it would take time to grow. Short-term, I'd investigate some PIR activated lights or alarms, or lash up some booby traps involving cans of paint. Or borrow a woofer. I think you must deter rather than damage, they will be able to retaliate at their leisure.
Some great ideas. Particularly like the spikes (as long as the legal requirements are met, such as a disclaimer / sign) with a bit of anti vandal paint and then if the little f*ckers manage to get over they land in a flesh ripping assortment of vegetation that they'll be stuck in or do damage in trying to get out. Combined with a security lamp to light them up so we can all point, laugh and taunt with snapping salivating dogs sounds great!
IED, pressure plate just where they would land. Phone police and say terrorists trying to blow up house and must have scored own goal.

Gin trap is a bit more realistic.
In reality you should not have to take any of these precautions, if we had an effective system to catch, punish and deter these little s***s. Hawthorn is very effective BTW.

Similar threads

Latest Threads