Little havens of Venus

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Cuddles, Dec 4, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. My friends

    I come to you tonight to talk about those temples of Aphrodite, those small cupolas of amour, those sweet couches of impromptu libations to Cupid - I mean of course the disabled toilet.

    Whoever designed them could have pictured in their minds eye cuddles and Mrs Cuddles going at it as a beast with two backs. The geometry is perfect. They are usually quite a bit cleaner than the average non-mlaaring stall and of course they are unisex.

    The look of envy and pride when you step forth from one from the assembled crowd is just so ego-boosting. Of course you do get the occasional paraplegic in wet pants scowling but that as they say is show-biz.

    All of our children have been conceived in a local golf Club's disabled dunny and on Saturday night, we enjoyed the pleasures of the one just outside Cardiff's Glee club. as if hearing a children's TV presenter say "f*uck" as part of their routine wasn't twisted enough, we got it on in one of the Diversity Act's great gifts to the UK population.

    top, as they say, show!
  2. Good drills indeed, Cuddles! :D :D :D

  3. I have fond memories of the disabled loo in the Acorn in Newton Aycliffe.
  4. The disabled loo often has a sort of sling seat thing that (depending on how much the lady has had to drink) can be used as an efficient aid to the "back scuttle" - provided you set the height correctly. I thank you

    Cuddles I salute a fellow user of this imaginative facility.
  5. I once did a bird from behind in a combined 'Mlaaaaaar' Stall/Baby Changing Facility in a McDonalds in Central London.

    Halfway through hanging out the back of her, the baby-changing table snapped and she fell to the floor, knocking a cap off of one of her front teeth.

    I had to leave her there and apparantly she got her husband to pick her up from casualty.

    She never spoke to me again...
  6. Can I add to this the possibilities of the ripple-equipped bathroom? Lots of bars and things allowing soapy fun with the proper bracing required to flatten her nose into the tiles.
  7. Indeed, those well positioned handles will also allow her to chuck without it getting on your shoes. Good to see that verb has made it into our combined knowledge vehicle.

    Just thought I'd take the oppoprtunity of sharing THIS with you (NSFW).
  8. You sir are a legend :D

    Living proof that romance is not in fact dead.
  9. I actually did that to a girl once. :oops: She never spoke to me again after that. Which is fair enough I suppose. That'll learn me for trying to drink gopping alcopops. (Hooch anyone? :puker: )

    Having to put up with her sister in my part-time job at the time wasn't though!
  10. God I thought they put a stop to Hooch?
  11. We're going back almost 10 years here....
  12. Was just thinking the very same thing whilst sat in the mong trap of the AMTRAK train early yesterday morning.

    Would even have been able to give a Dirty Sanchez with someone else's shite as a previous occupant had pebbledashed the pan quite nicely.
  13. I like the idea of the strap scuttle technique. It would leave both hands free to abuse TFB's most impressive top b0ll0cks, whilst relying on her not skating away across the tiled floor - like some kind of pornographic Bambi on the ice!
  14. Damm,, I'll have to start singing when I use the spastic trap from now on for fear of Mr & Mrs Cuddles nipping in :tongue:
  15. I will never be able to watch the advert for 'bath knight' strap machine again in the same light 8O

    Im now mentally scarred for life :roll: