Lions will eat ANYTHING.........

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#1
A former Greenjacket starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds.



As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade.

Realizing his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything.

Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts.



He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because
lions eat anything..

He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure.

He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the SouthAmerican Bees.As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees.. He grabs the spade and
smashes the bees to a pulp.By now he knows what to do and shovels them into the lions cage because lions eat anything.

Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?"



The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant -


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today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees ! Mega !.........



I KNOW, I KNOW BUT YOU’RE STILL GOING TO FORWARD IT ON, I CAN TELL…………


( if this made you giggle - don't << LIKE >> it.......nip over HERE and bang the price of a pint of Guinness on for the lovely people at Norton House......bless ya ! )
 
#3
I thought his first job was cleaning the aviary, thus making the punchline-

Finch, chimps and mushy-bees...
 

Goatman

ADC
Book Reviewer
#5
hee hee - well I'm glad to have afforded you miserable old-timers some memories anyway - and I notice not one of you has whacked so much as a quid on the SSAFA site.....maybe you never served ...(unless of course you're all ex RGJ) .?

this is what the bike ride is all about....

Headley Court and Selly Oak

SOURCE

Andrew Allen`s personal nightmare began when a huge explosion tore through his body and left him fighting for his life in southern Afghanistan.

The young Ranger, serving with 1st Battalion The Royal Irish Regiment, had his right leg sawn off in the blast and his face was so badly burned that he was unable to see following the attack in the infamous Musa Qaleh area of Helmand province. Then, as doctors assessed his prospects, his mutilated left leg was found to be in such bad condition that it had to be amputated.

As the 20-year-old lay blind, paralysed, and on his way into surgery, there was a further twist to the story. Ranger Allen was told his fiancee Natalie Keenan was about to give birth to their son. It was the last thing he remembered before the anaesthetic took hold and he slipped into unconsciousness:

"I had found out that Natalie was pregnant just before I left for my first tour of Afghanistan," the Northern Ireland-born soldier recalled. "She went into labour on November 19, just before I was about to have an operation to restore some of my sight."

But having experienced the pain of serious injury and the joy of becoming a father in the space of a few short weeks, the rhythm of normality has slowly been returning to Ranger Allen`s life care of a project run by SSAFA Forces Help.

Having adapted a luxurious home a few miles from the Headley Court rehabilitation centre, the charity has created a retreat where personnel undergoing treatment can spend time with their families outside of a hospital environment.

Based in the quiet village of Ashtead in Surrey, SSAFA Norton House - named after George Cross winner Captain Peter Norton (Royal Logistic Corps) - has six bedrooms with 16 beds, a communal kitchen and a TV room fitted with state-of-the art kit. And since last February it has provided nearly 200 military personnel and 60 families with a valuable home-from-home.
"The fact is that this house makes a huge difference to families and especially to the soldiers because it helps them with their rehabilitation. For all of us who work here, that is very rewarding to see."

Michael Turner, Manager of Norton House
 

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