ARRSE is supported by the advertisements on it, so if you use an adblocker please consider helping us by starting an Ad-Free subscription.

Lions will eat anything

Discussion in 'Miscellaneous Jokes' started by Yankee_Charlie, Sep 13, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Paddy gets a job at the Zoo.

    "First job today is to clean out the Aquarium" says the head keeper. "Its next door to the Lion cage but don't go too near that because Lions will eat anything"

    Paddy gets stuck in, scrubbing and mopping, wiping and shovelling. He gets a bit close to the Barracuda pool and one of them jumps up and bites at him.

    Paddy has a short fuse and swings at the Barra with his shovel, killing it instantly. He gets a bit worried, its his first morning and he has already killed one of the fish. Remembering what the Head keeper said, he sneaks the Barracuda out and slings it over the fence for the Lions to eat. Lions will eat anything.

    Next, Paddy goes to the Chimpanzee enclosure. He gets stuck in, scrubbing and mopping, wiping and shovelling. One of the Chimps takes a dislike to him and starts throwing things at Paddy. Paddy takes it until the Chimpanzee throws a lump of sh1t and then he cracks and takes a swing at the Chimp with his shovel, killing it instantly. When he calms down, he gets worried about having destroyed another on of the exhibits but he remembers what the Head keeper said so he sneaks it around to the Lions and slings it over the fence. Lions will eat anything.

    Late on in the morning, Paddy gets sent to clean up the apiary where the Zoo keep several different species of Bees. Paddy gets stuck in, scrubbing and mopping, wiping and shovelling. The South American Bees are quite aggressive and start to attack Paddy who retaliates with his shovel, knocking them all to the ground and mashing them to bits with several blows. Being well versed in the routine by now, he takes them around to the Lions and slings the in by the shovel full. Lions will eat anything.

    That afternoon, the Zoo takes delivery of a new Lion.

    The new Lion struts his stuff around the place, roaring and laying his scent before going over to check out the others.

    "Hello there" he says to one of the others. "Whats the food like here?" Lions will eat anything.

    "Foods pretty good" says one of the other Lions "Today we have had Fish, Chimps and mushy Bees"
  2. Fricken hell, thats comedy.
  3. Brilliant!!
  4. Brill Excellent
  5. Heard it before but its brilliant!
  6. The stupid ones are the best!
  7. Excellent. :D :D :D