- I am new site sponsor, hello!

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by LingsCars, Mar 20, 2006.

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  1. Hello British Army, I am Ling!

    I own, and I also own the 6x6 V8 Nuclear Missile truck you can see on the A1(M) just north of Catterick, in Tony Blair's Sedgefield constituency. Truck points to America, hehe (not towards Muslim country for benefit of extremists who infiltrate this Army site).


    I supply over £10m of brand new cars a year to private and business users. These are contract hire cars, which means that you rent the car for a fixed period of time, usually 1, 2 or 3 years. You have a contract mileage of 10k, 15k or 20k (or more!) per annum and if you exceed this you pay a small mileage charge at the end, for extra miles.

    The cars are all brand new. I have wide range. Look at my website I am so pleased to be able to offer these cars to British Army as well as general public. You must get very tired of driving round in tanks or Land Rovers - I know as I have an old 110.

    To contract hire a cheap new car, you must pass finance, i.e. the finance company will expect your credit profile to be good enough to support the value of the car. Being in Army you might have to provide extra proofs so they can find you on electoral roll if you have moved around often. If you have many CCJs I cannot supply car, I am afraid. My new cars not suitable for taking to Iraq.

    Your new car will need to be insured fully comp, and will need a small service when due but these days that can be done cheaply at any garage. Road tax for full term is included in rentals, so that is bonus. You pay the petrol/diesel. You have full new car warranty, so you should have no extra costs, ever, apart from car wash or car park ticket.

    At the end of the contract, the car is returned to finance company, you cannot buy it. You just rent another, or not - whatever. Over 75% of existing customers rent another car, because they figure out cost is lowest. Of course, you can run old car cheaper than this, I am talking about new cars, not banger 1985 Ford Sierra. Actually, my cars probably cheaper than running old Sierra.

    Everyone knows it is silly to invest in depreciating asset (eg. car). Invest in house instead. Or buy land. Or pension. If you rent a car, you fix the costs and you have no residual value risk. Motor dealers always win that game, if you can buy cars and sell for a profit then you should set up a car dealership as many of them cannot even do that. I know this, as my husband is shareholder in car supermarket chain.

    I hope I explain well, I should tell you I am Chinese and I work like hell on my own to keep overheads low. This is my trick. You do not pay for big staff, dealership costs or subsidise inefficient dealer.

    On my LETTERS PAGE on my website, I have over 270 customer letters, so if you not sure about me, read some letters. I also supply free lunch on website, I bribe you with Chinese money, Chinese Polo mints and you can win teeshirt in my quiz. Don't forget to look at my nuclear truck, I am so proud of it!

    I look forward to speaking to brave British Army men and women, you have so much more disposable income than People's Liberation Army troops, they are hopelessly underpaid and struggle to buy new bicycle. Give me small amount of your money, I give you new car!

    - Ling
  2. Can I have a number 54, two portions of 62 and extra prawn crackers please.
  3. Where’s my free lunch??
    I wanted Chinese noodles but had to settle for a cheese sandwich today :?
  4. Oh, and 20 No 6.

    ..... you do the punchline, I can't be arrsed
  5. That's a Fiat Punto, a Mazda 6 and extra prawn crackers. That will be £597 per month, my Lord.

    You are much more polite on forum than you are on chatting area. In there you are very rude person, but I guess that's peer pressure for you.

    Maybe you are nice, after all.
  6. Apply on my website Goku. I treat you like adult, not idiot. Try to live up to my faith in you.
  7. Brrrr, this British weather eh? There's a right nip in the air.

  8. No, I'm always rude. And no I'm not nice.

    You look like Yoko Ono on speed BTW.

    Happy now?
  9. Nope he's a cnut :D.... are you the new sponsor of every board?

  10. How much do you want for the rocket launcher? I've driven past it quite a few times now. My neighbour works for an Undertaker and frequently brings the 'works' vehicle home with him. It's f*cking annoying having a hearse parked in your street every other night. I'd love to park that truck on my drive for a few nights just to f*ck him off and let him know how it feels.

    I note Ling that you are based in Gates Heeeeeeeeeed. Does that mean that half of your cars still belong to someone else?
  11. 10/10 for humour COs.

    Its not quite April 1st but its near enough.

    Where did you find Hanoi Hannah?

    (Is she doing you a good deal on a Daewoo?)
  12. She’s a ching-chong-chinamen not a slitty eyed Jap.
  13. It's not a wind up Flash. That rocket launcher really is parked in a field on the south bound A1. I near crashed my car when I first saw it.
  14. Having looked at your website, you are madder then a box of frogs
  15. [​IMG]


    A new approach to flogging motors, I'll give you that.
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