- I am new site sponsor, hello!

Discussion in 'Classified Ads' started by LingsCars, Mar 20, 2006.

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  1. Hello British Army, I am Ling!

    I own, and I also own the 6x6 V8 Nuclear Missile truck you can see on the A1(M) just north of Catterick, in Tony Blair's Sedgefield constituency. Truck points to America, hehe (not towards Muslim country for benefit of extremists who infiltrate this Army site).


    I supply over £10m of brand new cars a year to private and business users. These are contract hire cars, which means that you rent the car for a fixed period of time, usually 1, 2 or 3 years. You have a contract mileage of 10k, 15k or 20k (or more!) per annum and if you exceed this you pay a small mileage charge at the end, for extra miles.

    The cars are all brand new. I have wide range. Look at my website I am so pleased to be able to offer these cars to British Army as well as general public. You must get very tired of driving round in tanks or Land Rovers - I know as I have an old 110.

    To contract hire a cheap new car, you must pass finance, i.e. the finance company will expect your credit profile to be good enough to support the value of the car. Being in Army you might have to provide extra proofs so they can find you on electoral roll if you have moved around often. If you have many CCJs I cannot supply car, I am afraid. My new cars not suitable for taking to Iraq.

    Your new car will need to be insured fully comp, and will need a small service when due but these days that can be done cheaply at any garage. Road tax for full term is included in rentals, so that is bonus. You pay the petrol/diesel. You have full new car warranty, so you should have no extra costs, ever, apart from car wash or car park ticket.

    At the end of the contract, the car is returned to finance company, you cannot buy it. You just rent another, or not - whatever. Over 75% of existing customers rent another car, because they figure out cost is lowest. Of course, you can run old car cheaper than this, I am talking about new cars, not banger 1985 Ford Sierra. Actually, my cars probably cheaper than running old Sierra.

    Everyone knows it is silly to invest in depreciating asset (eg. car). Invest in house instead. Or buy land. Or pension. If you rent a car, you fix the costs and you have no residual value risk. Motor dealers always win that game, if you can buy cars and sell for a profit then you should set up a car dealership as many of them cannot even do that. I know this, as my husband is shareholder in car supermarket chain.

    I hope I explain well, I should tell you I am Chinese and I work like hell on my own to keep overheads low. This is my trick. You do not pay for big staff, dealership costs or subsidise inefficient dealer.

    On my LETTERS PAGE on my website, I have over 270 customer letters, so if you not sure about me, read some letters. I also supply free lunch on website, I bribe you with Chinese money, Chinese Polo mints and you can win teeshirt in my quiz. Don't forget to look at my nuclear truck, I am so proud of it!

    I look forward to speaking to brave British Army men and women, you have so much more disposable income than People's Liberation Army troops, they are hopelessly underpaid and struggle to buy new bicycle. Give me small amount of your money, I give you new car!

    - Ling
  2. Welcome Ling. I have a box of badgers, but you win hands down! :wink:
  3. Thanks Sandmanfez! I hope I fit in here!
  4. Ling, you marry me OK :D
  5. Ayee yah! This is what HRH Wales was on about when he spoke about the Great Chinese take away! Ling is taking over ARRSE - every forum has been infiltrated! We're doomed I tell ye, doomed! Aside from that, the ad is one of the few things to have made me smile today so thanks for that!
  6. Wow! Thanks for comments. I glad you appreciate I put effort into Chinese take-over. Already married, sorry :( Always ready to make anyone smile, especially brave British Army soldier.
  7. Ling - You're mad as a box of Frogs (the 2 legged ones from France) - I think you'll fit in well (as long as you have a thick skin)

    If I say nice things about you to my friends can I get a free car?
  8. Legs, thanks. I appreciate that there is at least 1 nice person here :)
  9. So, about my free car.....?
  10. By the way, the last time I looked at a frog, it had 4 legs. Maybe I was drunk?
  11. Maybe they did have 4 legs, until the Frenchies ate a couple.

    What about my free car.....?
  12. "Free" and "Car" simply don't exist in the same sentence, ever. Unless you are called Jeremy Clarkson...
  13. I am, as it happens, but only at weekends!

    So, when do I collect my free car?
  14. Ling,
    Have passed your truck many times driving up the A1. It's facing west though, surely if it was aimed at America it would be facing North West as that is the shortest route to America by air. Over Scotland, Greenland and Canada. Sorry if it seems that i am being picky but I wouldn't want your rocket to miss!!
  15. Any chance you could aim the missile at your MP's house? Do you see him often? Don't ever lend him money!!!!