LINGsCARS.com - I am new site sponsor, hello!

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by LingsCars, Mar 20, 2006.

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  1. Hello British Army, I am Ling!

    I own LINGsCARS.com, and I also own the 6x6 V8 Nuclear Missile truck you can see on the A1(M) just north of Catterick, in Tony Blair's Sedgefield constituency. Truck points to America, hehe (not towards Muslim country for benefit of extremists who infiltrate this Army site).

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    I supply over £10m of brand new cars a year to private and business users. These are contract hire cars, which means that you rent the car for a fixed period of time, usually 1, 2 or 3 years. You have a contract mileage of 10k, 15k or 20k (or more!) per annum and if you exceed this you pay a small mileage charge at the end, for extra miles.

    The cars are all brand new. I have wide range. Look at my website LINGsCARS.com. I am so pleased to be able to offer these cars to British Army as well as general public. You must get very tired of driving round in tanks or Land Rovers - I know as I have an old 110.

    To contract hire a cheap new car, you must pass finance, i.e. the finance company will expect your credit profile to be good enough to support the value of the car. Being in Army you might have to provide extra proofs so they can find you on electoral roll if you have moved around often. If you have many CCJs I cannot supply car, I am afraid. My new cars not suitable for taking to Iraq.

    Your new car will need to be insured fully comp, and will need a small service when due but these days that can be done cheaply at any garage. Road tax for full term is included in rentals, so that is bonus. You pay the petrol/diesel. You have full new car warranty, so you should have no extra costs, ever, apart from car wash or car park ticket.

    At the end of the contract, the car is returned to finance company, you cannot buy it. You just rent another, or not - whatever. Over 75% of existing customers rent another car, because they figure out cost is lowest. Of course, you can run old car cheaper than this, I am talking about new cars, not banger 1985 Ford Sierra. Actually, my cars probably cheaper than running old Sierra.

    Everyone knows it is silly to invest in depreciating asset (eg. car). Invest in house instead. Or buy land. Or pension. If you rent a car, you fix the costs and you have no residual value risk. Motor dealers always win that game, if you can buy cars and sell for a profit then you should set up a car dealership as many of them cannot even do that. I know this, as my husband is shareholder in car supermarket chain.

    I hope I explain well, I should tell you I am Chinese and I work like hell on my own to keep overheads low. This is my trick. You do not pay for big staff, dealership costs or subsidise inefficient dealer.

    On my LETTERS PAGE on my website, I have over 270 customer letters, so if you not sure about me, read some letters. I also supply free lunch on website, I bribe you with Chinese money, Chinese Polo mints and you can win teeshirt in my quiz. Don't forget to look at my nuclear truck, I am so proud of it!

    I look forward to speaking to brave British Army men and women, you have so much more disposable income than People's Liberation Army troops, they are hopelessly underpaid and struggle to buy new bicycle. Give me small amount of your money, I give you new car!

    - Ling
     
  2. You may be the new site sponsor, Yoko but why are you spamming all the boards?
     
  3. Ah, the Lord Flasheart is noiw calling me spammer. I am sponsor, duh. And Yoko is damn Japanese, drug addled hippie idiot. I am Chinese (etc). Lord, why not be as obnoxious as you are on live chat, instead of restricting references to my sexual parts to when you in front of all buddies? You are just a pig. Normal people will know to disregard your comments.
     
  4. .....Back of the net.....................................:)
     
  5. Do you give discounts to members of HM Forces?

    Beebs
     
  6. Truce, Lord? Or you wanna carry on to death? I'm sure you quite nice really.
     
  7. No, I am actually a total cnut. Please feel free to crack on in the NAAFI. I'm bored, your funny and I have ten minutes to kill.
     
  8.  
  9. Baby Cakes,

    Do you give refund to Iraqis?

    My cars are damn cheap. I know HM Forces deserve discount, but my net margin usually less than £50 a car. I am already ripping arrrse out of prices. Not much left for discount, but I am willing to buy (small) round of drinks in Army bar.
     
  10. Eh?

    Beebs
     
  11. Apparently site sponsorship (unless this is a spoof, in which case the creator has way too much time on their hands) bestows spamming rights...

    I doubt the amount of money she is providing is worth this!

    :roll:
     
  12. It is funny all the same.
     
  13. It brightens the day up
     
  14. How much for a nuke, a small megaton would do, not to many miles on the clock. And if no discount we willl blow up your truck.

    Anyway, im currently learning chinese so mei hao,
     
  15. Actually no warhead in truck. John Prescott wants me to move it, read my "press" page on website. You should be very proud someone stands up to this fat idiot.