COMPETITIVE SALARY: We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors. JOIN OUR FAST-PACED COMPANY: We have no time to train you. CASUAL WORK ATMOSPHERE: We don't pay enough to expect that you'll dress up. MUST BE DEADLINE-ORIENTED: You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day. SOME OVERTIME REQUIRED: Some time each night and some time each weekend. DUTIES WILL VARY: Anyone in the office can boss you around. MUST HAVE AN EYE FOR DETAIL: We have no quality control. CAREER-MINDED: Female Applicants must be childless (and remain that way). APPLY IN PERSON: If you're old, fat or ugly you'll be told the position has been filled. NO PHONE CALLS, PLEASE: We've filled the job; our call for resumes is just a legal formality. SEEKING CANDIDATES WITH A WIDE VARIETY OF EXPERIENCE: You'll need it to replace three people who just left. PROBLEM-SOLVING SKILLS A MUST: You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos. REQUIRES TEAM-LEADERSHIP SKILLS: You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect. GOOD COMMUNICATION SKILLS: Management communicates, you listen, figure out what they want and do it. I'M EXTREMELY ADEPT AT ALL MANNER OF OFFICE ORGANIZATION: I've used Microsoft Office. I'M HONEST, HARD-WORKING AND DEPENDABLE: I pilfer office supplies. MY PERTINENT WORK EXPERIENCE INCLUDES: I hope you don't ask me about all the McJobs I've had. I TAKE PRIDE IN MY WORK: I blame others for my mistakes. I'M PERSONABLE: I give lots of unsolicited personal advice. I'M EXTREMELY PROFESSIONAL: I carry a Day-Timer. I AM ADAPTABLE: I've changed jobs a lot. I AM ON THE GO: I'm never at my desk. I'M HIGHLY MOTIVATED TO SUCCEED: The minute I find a better job, I'm outta' here.