Look love, all the nice ones have left and I've been buying you drinks all night. Come back to mine tonight, we'll have a couple of hours of horrible sordid activity and we'll both feel slightly guilty that we know it'll never lead to a long and bountiful relationship like the one we've craved since our first loves jilted us. In the morning we'll have an awkward chat over cornflakes, I'll ring you a taxi, peck you on the cheek and say goodbye. We won't trade numbers, but that's alright, we wouldn't have called each other if we did. During the next day I'll feel a bit sh*t because I can't remember your last name, and you'll send a text complaining about "Men" to one of your best mates. In a couple of weeks we'll both go out again, we may bump into each other, we may not. Inevitabilty I'll go back to my house with another girl, just like you, and you'll be taken back to someone else's house, and he'll be similar to me. The cycle will continue until we realise that really this life is not going to get us anywhere, but by then it'll be too late. So in reality, it's insignificant whether we sleep together tonight or not, it won't change anything, we won't get married and we won't live happily ever after. However I've got Cheerios at home so that's got to sway it.
Bright, cheery, makes 'em laugh. Winner line, guaranteed.
My classic was with the first Mrs Reni,
after it took me six weeks to get her into bed I inexplicably felt the need to comment on her 'abnormally large vaginal lips' whilst going down on her in the morning, I didnt actually mean it to come out how it did, it was merely an observation that I murmured up at her over her pubis, this resulted in 'lights off, curtains closed' antics for a couple of years and when I saw her in Leeds last month she said that at the time I had utterly devestated her confidence !
Bit sensitive if you ask me, my c*ck looks like it was put together by a crazy scientist in a Transylvanian lab but you dont see me weeping !