Limericks

#1
What's your favourite limerick?

Mine is:

There was a young lady from Bude,
Who danced on the stage in the nude,
One night from the front,
A bloke shouted C*NT,
Just like that, right out loud,
Bloody rude.
 

TheIronDuke

ADC
Book Reviewer
#2
There was a young girl from the Azores
Who's cunt was all covered in sores
Not the dogs in the street
Would touch the green meat
That hung in festoons from her drawers.

Lovely. And a true story too.
 
#3
Not quite correct, but topical all the same!!

In rugby’s Darwinian stroke,
Whole countries evolve into jokes:
You’ll see Wallabies cry,
Springboks that fly,
Gaels that suck—and Kiwis that choke.
 
#4
There was a young man from Mauritius
Who said "That last fu-ck was delicious"
But next time I come
It'll be up your bum
Cos that boil on your cu-nt looks suspicious
 
#5
There was a man from Ghent
Who had a penis so long it bent
It was so much trouble
That he kept it double
And instead of coming he went.
 
#6
There was a young vampire called Mabel
whos periods were always quite stable
at every full moon
she'd whip out a spoon
and drink herself under the table
 
#7
There was a young girl from Pitlochry
Who was having sex in the rockery
When the gentleman cum
All over her bum
She said "this isnae a fcuk, it's a mockery!"
 
#8
There was a young lady from Coleshill.
Who sat herself down on a moleshill,
An inquisitve mole,
Shoved his nose up her hole,
The Lady's all right, but the mole's ill.
 
#9
There was a young gent from Buckingham
who stood on the bridge at Upingham
watching the stunts
of the c*nts in the punts
and the tricks of the pricks that were fu*king em
 
#10
Three dirty old witches from Kent,
Took a man into a tent,
Those three dirty witches,
They pulled down his britches,
And jumped on his Dick till it bent,
 
#11
A fancy young lad from Khartoum
Once took a lesbian up to his room
They argued all night
As to who had the right
To do what, to which and to whom.
 
#12
there was a young lady from ealing
who had a peculiar feeling
she laid on her back
opened her crack
and pi55ed all over the ceiling
 
#13
There was a young girl from Itchin,
scratching her cnut in the kitchen,
her mum said "rose, the pox i suppose?"
she said "bollox,get on with your knitting"
 
#14
A doctor who's name was Juliet,
Felt guilty, down and upset,
Said, "With a patient of mine,
I have sex all the time,"
But the worst thing of all, I'm a Vet"
 
#15
An Argentine Gaucho named Bruno
Said "There is one thing I do know
A woman is fine
And a sheep is divine
But a llama is numero uno!"
 
#16
There was a young fella names Fort
whose dick although thick was quite short
to make up for the loss
he had balls like hoss
and never shot less than a quart.
 
#17
A habit both rare and unsavory
Afflicted the Rector of Havory
Amid horrible howls
He buggered young owls
In a crypt kitted out as an aviary
 
#18
There was a young girl from Penzance,
Who boarded a bus in a trance;
All the passengers fcuked 'er,
As did the conductor,
And the driver came twice, in his pants.
 
#20
There was a young man from Belgrave,
Who kept a dead whore in a cave,
He said, 'I admit, I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the money I save.'

edited due to accursed swear filter.
 
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