Limericks for the un-PC

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Little Miss Muffet
Wanked on her tuffet
With a dildo the size of her arm
Along came a nigger
Who's c0ck was much bigger
And did her some permanent harm
Humpty Dumpty sucked on his c0ck,
As soon as he cum, he spat it back out,
All the kings horses fcuked the kings men
And this made humpty cum again.
Baa Baa black sheep, have you got a prick,
Yes Sir, Yes Sir 8 inches thick,
Fcuked the master, shagged a Damn
And sucked off alittle boy who lives down the lane.
There once was a dirty old bloke,
Who picked up a whore for a poke.
He took down her pants,
Fucked her into a trance,
And sh!t in her shoe for a joke.
Mary had a bearded clam
she really was a hotty
everywhere that mary went
she let strangers drill her botty
Jack and Jill went up the Hill
To fetch a mong for slaughter
the pointy headed dozy cnuts
didn't realise it was thier daughter
There was a young girl from the Azores,
Who's fanny was covered in sores,
Not a dog in the street,
Would go near the green meat,
That hung in excess from her drawers.

ty ty ty
Humpty dumpty shat on the wall
Humpty dumpty hacked off one ball
All the kings horses and All the kings men
raped his arse and cut him into small peices and lobbed the fat cnut in a canal
There once was an ugly duckling
it feathers all matted and torn
all the swans geese and parrots
raped its arse on the bandmasters lawn
There was a young lady from Kew
Who said as the Bishop withdrew
The Vicar is quicker, and slicker, and thicker
And three inches longer than you.
From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
Came a scream that could be hear for miles.
Said the vicar, "goodness gracious,
It's Father Ignatius,
He's forgotten the Bishop has piles"
There once was a Bishop of Buckingham
Who stood on the bridge down at Uppingham
Watching the stunts
Of the cnuts in the punts
and the tricks of the pricks that were fcuking 'em
There was a young Vampire called Mabel,
Who's periods were reg'lar and Stable,
So ev'ry Full Moon,
With the help of a Spoon,
She drank herself under the Table!

There once was a Bishop of Bings,
Who spoke of his God and such things,
But his Secret Desire,
Was a Boy in the Choir,
With a Bottom like Jelly on Springs!
There was an old gaucho called Bruno,
Who said: "if there's one thing I do know
"a woman is fine
"a boy is devine
"But a llama is numero uno"
A horny young squaddie called Dave
Dug up a prostitutes grave
She was mouldy as shit
And Missing a tit
But think of the money he saved...
There was a young lady of Bude
Who went on the stage in the nude,
A man at the front,
Shouted out "C**t",
Just like that, right out loud, fcuking rude!
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner,
Rubbing his ruby red rocket,
He said "little boy
Come play with my toy"
Before i ram it up your tender dung socket!!
There was a young lady named Alice
Who used dynamite instead of a phallus
They found her vagina
In South Carolina
And most of her anus in Dallas
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