Limericks for the un-PC

Discussion in 'Now That's What I Call NAAFI Bar' started by mizkrissi, Jul 4, 2005.

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  1. Originals only please. Mods will be asked to remove cut and pastes.



    Little Miss Muffet
    Wanked on her tuffet
    With a dildo the size of her arm
    Along came a nigger
    Who's c0ck was much bigger
    And did her some permanent harm
     
  2. Humpty Dumpty sucked on his c0ck,
    As soon as he cum, he spat it back out,
    All the kings horses fcuked the kings men
    And this made humpty cum again.
     
  3. JACK AND JILL WENT UP THE HILL
    TO CHEW ON JILLS GREAT FANNY
    JACK CAME DOWN WITH A BIT OF A FROWN
    COS JILL'S IN FACT A TRANNY
     
  4. Baa Baa black sheep, have you got a prick,
    Yes Sir, Yes Sir 8 inches thick,
    Fcuked the master, shagged a Damn
    And sucked off alittle boy who lives down the lane.
     
  5. There once was a dirty old bloke,
    Who picked up a whore for a poke.
    He took down her pants,
    Fucked her into a trance,
    And sh!t in her shoe for a joke.
     
  6. Mary had a bearded clam
    she really was a hotty
    everywhere that mary went
    she let strangers drill her botty
     
  7. Jack and Jill went up the Hill
    To fetch a mong for slaughter
    the pointy headed dozy cnuts
    didn't realise it was thier daughter
     
  8. There was a young girl from the Azores,
    Who's fanny was covered in sores,
    Not a dog in the street,
    Would go near the green meat,
    That hung in excess from her drawers.

    ty ty ty
     
  9. Humpty dumpty shat on the wall
    Humpty dumpty hacked off one ball
    All the kings horses and All the kings men
    raped his arse and cut him into small peices and lobbed the fat cnut in a canal
     
  10. There once was an ugly duckling
    it feathers all matted and torn
    all the swans geese and parrots
    raped its arse on the bandmasters lawn
     
  11. There was a young lady from Kew
    Who said as the Bishop withdrew
    The Vicar is quicker, and slicker, and thicker
    And three inches longer than you.
     
  12. From the depths of the crypt at St Giles
    Came a scream that could be hear for miles.
    Said the vicar, "goodness gracious,
    It's Father Ignatius,
    He's forgotten the Bishop has piles"
     
  13. There once was a Bishop of Buckingham
    Who stood on the bridge down at Uppingham
    Watching the stunts
    Of the cnuts in the punts
    and the tricks of the pricks that were fcuking 'em
     
  14. There was a young Vampire called Mabel,
    Who's periods were reg'lar and Stable,
    So ev'ry Full Moon,
    With the help of a Spoon,
    She drank herself under the Table!

    There once was a Bishop of Bings,
    Who spoke of his God and such things,
    But his Secret Desire,
    Was a Boy in the Choir,
    With a Bottom like Jelly on Springs!
     
  15. There was an old gaucho called Bruno,
    Who said: "if there's one thing I do know
    "a woman is fine
    "a boy is devine
    "But a llama is numero uno"