Lights, camera, action!

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Cuddles, Aug 10, 2006.

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  1. As many of you will be aware, Cuddles was struck down by a virus not dissimilar to "All Over body Knob Rot" earlier this year and indeed was in the process of handing in my dinner pail.

    The main damage was done to my heart, which my ex-wife was very impressed with as she claimed I didn't actually have one...However the evil invading microbes also made a beeline for Cuddles most important bodily area, the cuddlesknob. They found a LUP in my bladder but were quickly compromised and flushed out of my system by Urine and supporting anti-biotics. In recent weeks i've been quite chipper because the old ticker has now apparently recovered almost 100% - a minor medical miracle considering the damage done but hey, if you can get through AJD with "Staff Duties in the Field" during a Force 8 hangover, then this is merely a minor embuggerance.

    Which brings me to my point today. Cuddles has been summoned to my local hospital this day, where I am bidden to receive a visitor, via my Jap's eye, to inspect my bladder for any lingering microbe pockets of resistance or damage. It is probably not a problem, says ye doctor but he would like to be 100% sure. Which I suppose serves me right for telling him I was a risk consultant specialising in medical malpractice investigations...yes, Cuddles bladder-wall is going to be on the telly!

    So the question is, what genre of TV do you think it will be - a soap opera, reality TV, Bad Laggers Army, drama, thriller or romantic? Maybe we'll get a Lloyd Grossman voice-over for "Through the Peehole"?

    A DVD of the actual cytoscopy process will go to the best answer!
     
  2. How about CPeePees!
     
  3. I wish you well, you will need your sense of humour. Its not the nicest of procedures.. :(

    How about that good old 80's music program The Tube or maybe the F word..
     
  4. Had it done 'Cuddles', the camera doesn't hurt at all - but the bloody cameraman....phew!
     
  5. Jamie Oliver mong cooking sketch with unidentifiable drippy and wobbly bits.
     
  6. Rolf Harris, Can you tell what it is yet?
     
  7. ...I suppose you could feature in a special version of 'Changing Rooms'. Imagine the scene, you are led blindfold into your own bladder by Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. As you blink in the unexpected glow of cerise and magenta, he points out the Ikea furniture topped off by a lava-lamp and asks for your opinion.......
     
  8. Up the "Japs eye?" pah, girls stuff. I had a camera up the poo pipe. Now that gents is nasty, especially when It was done by one evil cnut at DKMH.
     
  9. ViroBono

    ViroBono LE Moderator

    I know a song about that:

    (To the tune of 'Summer Holiday')

    We're all going on a colonoscopy
    Up your rectum for a foot or two

    We're going where the light shines brightly
    We're going where the veins are blue

    We've seen it on the x-rays
    Now let's see if it's true



    Ah, my coat...
     
  10. Seriously now, what a shite job! You couldn't pay me enough to start shoving tubes down a blokes jap's eye...
     
  11. Is there a song about "The barium meal " or the Camera down "The Throat"
    Ahhh the delights of my inner workings, First name terms with all the nurses at DKMH :p
     
  12. A ferking camera??!!WTF?! :omfg:

    I've had the little silver umbrella down there and it wasa horrific, ever seen that Hostel? I swear the guy who did that to me was like one of those psycho doctors off that. He seemed to...enjoy it...
    It hurt to feck, I couldn't p!ss for days without it burning, and I had to dump the then Mrs Morty for giving me the clap.

    But i'm sure you'll be fine :D
     
  13. A ferking camera??!!WTF?! :omfg:

    I've had the little silver umbrella down there and it wasa horrific, ever seen that Hostel? I swear the guy who did that to me was like one of those psycho doctors off that. He seemed to...enjoy it...
    It hurt to feck, I couldn't p!ss for days without it burning, and I had to dump the then Mrs Morty for giving me the clap.

    But i'm sure you'll be fine :D
     
  14. Don't know why thats appeared twice. Maybe I had a mong moment. Sorry.
     
  15. You black-catting cnut!

    Right gather round and listen in...it was shite. They didn't offer me anaesthetic which I NOW gather they are supposed too. apaprently they like to whel us through and anyone who they can get un-prepared is a bonus. My knob is deeply sore internally but the tragedy is, the swelling will be going down before the pain abates!