Lights, camera, action!

#1
As many of you will be aware, Cuddles was struck down by a virus not dissimilar to "All Over body Knob Rot" earlier this year and indeed was in the process of handing in my dinner pail.

The main damage was done to my heart, which my ex-wife was very impressed with as she claimed I didn't actually have one...However the evil invading microbes also made a beeline for Cuddles most important bodily area, the cuddlesknob. They found a LUP in my bladder but were quickly compromised and flushed out of my system by Urine and supporting anti-biotics. In recent weeks i've been quite chipper because the old ticker has now apparently recovered almost 100% - a minor medical miracle considering the damage done but hey, if you can get through AJD with "Staff Duties in the Field" during a Force 8 hangover, then this is merely a minor embuggerance.

Which brings me to my point today. Cuddles has been summoned to my local hospital this day, where I am bidden to receive a visitor, via my Jap's eye, to inspect my bladder for any lingering microbe pockets of resistance or damage. It is probably not a problem, says ye doctor but he would like to be 100% sure. Which I suppose serves me right for telling him I was a risk consultant specialising in medical malpractice investigations...yes, Cuddles bladder-wall is going to be on the telly!

So the question is, what genre of TV do you think it will be - a soap opera, reality TV, Bad Laggers Army, drama, thriller or romantic? Maybe we'll get a Lloyd Grossman voice-over for "Through the Peehole"?

A DVD of the actual cytoscopy process will go to the best answer!
 
#3
I wish you well, you will need your sense of humour. Its not the nicest of procedures.. :(

How about that good old 80's music program The Tube or maybe the F word..
 
#5
Jamie Oliver mong cooking sketch with unidentifiable drippy and wobbly bits.
 
#7
...I suppose you could feature in a special version of 'Changing Rooms'. Imagine the scene, you are led blindfold into your own bladder by Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen. As you blink in the unexpected glow of cerise and magenta, he points out the Ikea furniture topped off by a lava-lamp and asks for your opinion.......
 
#8
Up the "Japs eye?" pah, girls stuff. I had a camera up the poo pipe. Now that gents is nasty, especially when It was done by one evil cnut at DKMH.
 
#9
Cpl_ripper said:
I had a camera up the poo pipe.
I know a song about that:

(To the tune of 'Summer Holiday')

We're all going on a colonoscopy
Up your rectum for a foot or two

We're going where the light shines brightly
We're going where the veins are blue

We've seen it on the x-rays
Now let's see if it's true



Ah, my coat...
 
#10
Cuddles said:
where I am bidden to receive a visitor, via my Jap's eye, to inspect my bladder for any lingering microbe pockets of resistance or damage!
Seriously now, what a shite job! You couldn't pay me enough to start shoving tubes down a blokes jap's eye...
 
#11
ViroBono said:
Cpl_ripper said:
I had a camera up the poo pipe.
I know a song about that:

(To the tune of 'Summer Holiday')

We're all going on a colonoscopy
Up your rectum for a foot or two

We're going where the light shines brightly
We're going where the veins are blue

We've seen it on the x-rays
Now let's see if it's true

Ah, my coat...
Is there a song about "The barium meal " or the Camera down "The Throat"
Ahhh the delights of my inner workings, First name terms with all the nurses at DKMH :p
 
#12
A ferking camera??!!WTF?! :omfg:

I've had the little silver umbrella down there and it wasa horrific, ever seen that Hostel? I swear the guy who did that to me was like one of those psycho doctors off that. He seemed to...enjoy it...
It hurt to feck, I couldn't p!ss for days without it burning, and I had to dump the then Mrs Morty for giving me the clap.

But i'm sure you'll be fine :D
 
#13
A ferking camera??!!WTF?! :omfg:

I've had the little silver umbrella down there and it wasa horrific, ever seen that Hostel? I swear the guy who did that to me was like one of those psycho doctors off that. He seemed to...enjoy it...
It hurt to feck, I couldn't p!ss for days without it burning, and I had to dump the then Mrs Morty for giving me the clap.

But i'm sure you'll be fine :D
 
#15
Cpl_ripper said:
Up the "Japs eye?" pah, girls stuff. I had a camera up the poo pipe. Now that gents is nasty, especially when It was done by one evil cnut at DKMH.
You black-catting cnut!

Right gather round and listen in...it was shite. They didn't offer me anaesthetic which I NOW gather they are supposed too. apaprently they like to whel us through and anyone who they can get un-prepared is a bonus. My knob is deeply sore internally but the tragedy is, the swelling will be going down before the pain abates!
 
#16
It would have to be an Attenborough film with dinosaurs!

What's that? Oh............... wrong Attenborough apparently...:roll:

Attenborough film with the trade mark whispered voice over.

Yes, that's better. :wink:

My utmost sympathy Cuddles. Had the buggers put a pipe down the throat a few years ago and that was very unpleasant. They wouldn't get near me if they wanted to stick the damn thing up the old John Thomas. :oops: Hope the old one-eyed, purple headed, yoghurt chucking womb-ferret recovers in record time! :D
 

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