Life's Little Mysteries

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by jack-daniels, Aug 26, 2010.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Ever wondered why certain things happen or some things are the way they are?

    Out for a run this morning and I chanced across a phenomenen that happens quite a lot and it can't just be coincidence....
    ........Why the fuck do fat arse people walk slap bang in the middle of the pavement instead of walking to one side of it?

    Every bastard time this happens, their fat arses waddling giving you no choice but to run in the road, no great dramas for me but they even make women with prams shift over to.
    Fatties.....keep to one side or go on a sodding diet!

    Any of life's little mysteries get to you?!
  2. Mr_Fingerz

    Mr_Fingerz LE Book Reviewer

    Why do little old ladies suddenly stop in the middle of the pavement and look at their surroundings as if they have never seen them before, coincidentally causing you to stop and bark your shins on the several bags of shopping that you're taking back to the car?
  3. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Why is it sometimes you go for an almighty dump and when you go to wipe, there is absolutely no residue, then on looking in the bowl you notice that it is completely empty without so much as a skid mark.

    I reckon it's a glitch in the matrix.
  4. Why do people insist on reading the daily paper right in front of the news stand? They block access to people like me, who just want to buy the damn thing and get out of the shop.

    Added. Why doesn't the newsagent grip these feckers?

    People that suddenly stop at the top of an escalator and have a look around. Shit em.

    Fat people in general.

    Women with triple buggies in small shops, barging around like ignorant arrseholes not giving a tinkers cuss to anyone else .

    People who use the garage to buy a months worth of shopping, causing huge queues of people who want to pay for petrol.

    There's loads more.

    Just realised that my rant doesn't quite fit the criteria of the OP.

    People that do not read the question. Shit em.
  5. Why is it that there is always one, solitary item of cutlery (generally a teaspoon) at the bottom of the sink even though you've done a full sweep with your hands (front and back) to identify any remaining items of said cutlery?

    And why the fcuk do I always have an odd sock at the end of the month?
  6. Why is there always one cunt I don't know who, when I am either minding my own business outside having a cigarette or on public transport, insists on talking to me?
  7. Why the fuck can I go to a hole in the wall, stick my card in, type in my number, get money and walk away?

    It seems everybody else has to perform a whole routine involving finding their card, remembering their number, examing the options on the machine, testing the options on the machine, getting cash, putting cash away, getting out a second card and repeating the whole performance, finally stopping to adjust their hair/dress using the reflection in the screen before they fuck off....
  8. One of lifes little mysteries that always bugs me is the woman supermarket trolley phenomenon.
    I have seen lesser men actually find an alternative route around the "old ladies chatting around interlocked trolleys" obstacle. Not me I hand the driving duty over to my 7 year old lad and have him ram said obstacle while shouting "SMASH" as loud as he can.
  10. Why do young women in Belfast appear hardwired to walk three abreast (often with buggies) at a funereal pace? The desire to either just shove them sideways or scream "Get out of the fugging way!" is going to overpower me some day.
  11. Mr_Fingerz

    Mr_Fingerz LE Book Reviewer

    YTF, when I'm stood on a platform at Cardiff Central Station, wearing a suit & carrying a briefcase does some chav approach me and ask if the waiting train is for Merthyr/Barry/Ponty?

    Do I look like I work for Arriva Trains Wales? Can you not read a platform notice board? (oh I forgot, you're a chav and by extension didn't excel at school)
  12. stupid women, fat or not, who when at the supermarket checkout always find it a complete suprise that they have to pay for the shopping they have just done, and root around in their bags for the purse then do the same in the purse for 2p off coupons. After blocking the aisles with their trolleys.
  13. :)

  14. Why do German drivers never,I say again NEVER, notice traffic lights changing from red to green?

    There is always a delay of at least 5 seconds before they decide to move thus shortening my chances of getting through the feckin thing.

  15. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer