"Liberated/Found Booze"

As an aside to “The UK’s Worst Pubs” I present “Liberated/Found Booze”...

Closing time at the Paxton Arms in Crystal Palace. “Someone” aided by muckers was launched over a wall at the back of said Pub and passed over a crate of bottles. Double Diamond? Whitbread Brown Ale? Mackeson’s? No such luck… feckin Babycham!

At a certain Mess the booze was locked up at night in a seagoing container thingy, so I’m told. As bottles were being carried from bar to container the doors were left open. Red Stripe, Port, Courvoisier all were liberated within seconds.

In Germany some of local admin Bods liked a beer first thing in the morning, at lunch and before going home and would lock their offices up containing the beer. It’s a shame they never knew about the key that had been copied which opened up Aladdin’s Cave to some thirsty people at night.

Picture Pitlochry on a cold and wet morning when trucks of bored soldiers descended on to, I am led to believe, the Co-Op. Apparently, a Combat jacket can hold two litre bottles of spirits without so much as a bulge in the map pockets.

Germany again. Downstairs car park with those cages that you keep bikes, suitcases etc. in… and crates of beer. At least the gents in question had the decency to return the empties so that Roland could get the money back. He never figured out what and how it was happening.
5 skins disbandment all ranks battle royale, I mean function. I was drunks, I mean drinks waiter to the top table (thanks boss for that spamming) .
The various idiots, I mean honoured guests, made their orders, signed the chit and off I went to get the drinks. I had my own dedicated NAAFI wench at the bar. They were not checking what they were signing for. NAAFI wench was very well trained and every drink I asked her to place to one side, cos they'd offered me a drink too, was put aside for later.

Our duty rover made 3 trips back that night, two of them just full of drinks I'd proffed, I mean had bought for me by the ever so generous top table.
Ex Crusader 1980 - A certain infantry battalion from the UK was deployed north of Hanover. The scene - an unsecured QMs canteen tent late at night. RSM never did find out who did it. Heaven knows why - we sat in there drinking and making a noise for long enough (we were very drunk when we found the tent open...).

It was the signal platoon RSM - and one of the culprits went on to be an RSM in due course...

...didn't you Budgie! Don't worry, the secret is safe with me.


While unit barman at an undisclosed medical unit in Germany which may have had a '3' in the title...

Wives club night, they arrived half cut and half dressed, some of them with make-up by frank bruno (early 90's so it was ok then)
we had three of us working the bar and as they got more and more drunk, they were noticing what we were charging less and less. asking for doubles, getting charged for triple and being served a single. One woman was so drunk we just gave her the generic cola (not even the real thing) as there was no way I was getting the blame for serving her more booze.

I think we came away from that one with several crates of becks and a bottle of asbach each
About '67 I was nicking off school, and went into the ginormous student union building to hang around.

Now every Friday night, they had bands on, but locals could only get in by hanging around and pleading with students to sign you in..... so it was like the Great Escape in reverse, loitering around, if you were lucky someone would open a window or fire door and there'd be a mad scramble to get in, before security arrived.

So there I was, strolling around and decided to go for a pee.

Went into the gents and a cleaner was clattering away in one of the traps, leaving a big ring of keys on a basin.

I tip- toed over, slid one off, and snuck out.

The idea was I was hoping to get a key to get in on Friday nights, which was run by an absolute genius...... some of the best bands in the world played there, usually just before they became huge.... Moody Blues, Hendrix, Free, Tull- the list is endless.

A few days later, I went back, trying locks all over.

Eventually, down at the back of the cloakroom, the key turned........

I felt like Howard Carter, "I see wonderful things!"

I was looking at about 6 huge steel drums full of the draught beer to feed the bar.....

On week- ends I'd throw discreet parties in there, just 3 or 4 of us.

That wasn't the best bit though... there was another door which led to the outside, no sign of a lock on the outside, but a Yale on the inside, so you could put it on the snib, jam it shut with a beer- mat, then pull it open and get in to the gigs.

They had a Freshers Ball that no locals were allowed in, but I got a bunch of mates in...... The Who played that night, AWESOME.

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