Having had a considerable amount of time spent lacking in the usual inspiration required to post in the NAAFI, I had chosen to abstain rather than throw random letters on the screen. But I have now found my mojo in the most unlikely of places; the ex-girlfriend. I have time on my hands and I want this to be a good one!!! As some of you know I separated from my wife last year and before Christmas I thought it fit to find myself a bit of skirt to pass the time. After not much effort I found a suitable specimen who lived not too far from me. Bring forth a few months of entertainment, which included 6 Nations ticket bought for me as Christmas pressieâ¦â¦ ta very much!!! Inevitably I was starting to get bored by mid Feb, especially as I was being referred to as âThe Oneâ, so it was a simple case of âmag to gridâ. The last couple of weeks have been a constant barrage of phone calls and texts, majority of which have gone unanswered, stating how I have hurt her and that I have taken everything from her. You know what Iâm talking about guys, thereâs no need for me to embellish too much on this. Except to say that the aftermath came to a climax on the Friday last week when I am told that the ex is pregnant, oh shit!! I know that she has been to the doctors for several blood tests, so Iâm starting to sweat a little. Conversations are passed over the weekend and as things went further, 2 + 2 didnât equal 5. Mainly because it was such a big secret, even from her best friend whom she tells everything. I decided to call her bluff and Monday evening I purchase a home test to take round to hers. Couldnât have timed it any better, as soon as I walk through the door sheâs heading up stairs for a pee so I ambush her with the test and watch her walk upstairs looking more than a little bemused. A few minutes later she returns minus one pregnancy test claiming that she couldnât pee. GOTCHA!! I sit there for 4 hours making small talk watching her drink cup after cup of coffee waiting for her to piss her pants so I can rub the test in the sodden cushions. I left at midnight and she must have been absolutely busting. The bitch is no more pregnant than me and I am debating whether the story of going to the doctors, which had been running for two weeks now, has any truth in it at all. This is confirmed by a mate when he phones calls to tell me heâs found out that our exâs have come up with the plan together, after heâs been snooping on his exâs facebook account. For now I decide to let her play her little game which pays off because the âabortionâ is now booked for next Thursday at the hospital. Of course I insist on being there to lend support, which ends up in the date being changed. I feel that she deserves revenge taken out against her as she is a mother herself, also because she knows how dedicated I am to my daughter and is partly trying to use that against me. The ammunition that I have at my disposal is: Her facebook login details. Her home address. Her mobile and home telephone numbers. A few risquÃ© (non-nude) pictures. And the fact that none of her close friends/family know. I was thinking along the lines of creating a group on facebook naming and shaming her with a link pointing everyone in the right direction. Plus changing her password and fiddling with her profile to make certain that everyone who shouldnât knowâ¦.does. Then after a few days deleting her account altogether. Facebook is her lifeline and this will really fuck her off, sad bitch! I know I can rely on the NAAFI to produce the results, but bare in mind that it has to be do-able and wont get me arrested. In your own timeâ¦â¦..