Letters you would like to send but havnt

Dear Anne Robinson

After checking the TV listings a programme caught my eye that I thought would prove to be interesting.

So I sat down with my box of tissues and tube of lube ready for "How to look good naked" by someone called coc.

Imagine my suprise when, instead of feasting my eyes on a load of lezzers clam jousting, I was confronted by 25 stone of 55 year old wobbling flesh. Not even a nipple shot, not that I could have recognised it as her tits blended in with the rest of the blubber. Thank god there wasn't a gash shot.

I quote the whale involved "Everytime I look in the mirror I feel so ashamed" Not fcuking suprised love!!!

It's about time TV companies stopped misleading the general public and produced the programme as advetised.

Oh and get rid of the poof.


57 of Nutsstillfull.
I see a few flaws in your plan.

1,She don't do POV anymore.
2,That programme is not on the beeb
3,You sound as if you watched an awful lot of the programme
4,What attracted you to it in the first place.A man called Kok?

Have a nice day.


Kit Reviewer
Earlier this week I found myself seriously considering writing to our esteemed monarch stating my concerns over the state of our nation and the impending loss of sovereignty - her sovereignty - due to an incapable, potentially corrupt government. It would have included something along the lines of me not wanting to appear like a terrorist but letting her know that if she ever felt the need to speak out about what these jokers were doing with her country she could count on the support of a lot of people.
Dear Mandy,

Thanks for dumping me when i was on Granby. I'm so glad you were honest at least. Well, that and the fact you were porking that mechanic bloke. I'm glad we remained mature about the whole thing when i returned to visit you and that everything is now ok.


PS. Your brews tasted funny for weeks after my visit because i shat in your kettle.
A letter of apology to Kate and Gerry McCann. Well, I was on a student piss-up in the area and it waas a toss-up between Maddie and pissing on the local war memorial - which understandably would have caused fcuking outrage.
Dear CGS

You have just fired the whole of the TA because you clearly hate us. So you are obviously a tw@t. You can shove my commission right up your @rrse mate.

Up yours.

I A Mangry
12th Bn Loamshire Regt (V)
I have, in the past, written several harshly worded Emails to various Councils, expecially after articles have appeard in the 'Daily Hate' about Town Hall Jobsworths and their little 'Hitler-esque' ways with Council Tax Payers.... I do love getting the old 'Outrage Bus' out of its double-grudge... every now and again...!! (heheehehehhehe)

Funily enough, I have had a few replies thanking me for my 'Letter of Complain't... then I have heard absolutely zilch.... So being a good Paranoid Conspiracy Theorist, along with being a bit of a Wanka....(part-time...), I suspect my Email address has been 'blocked' by many a Council around the country... as they do share info about 'Trouble-makers'....

After all, the 'Rulers of This Here Nation' cannot have the Peasants telling them what to do, or reading their fortunes to them... about their lack of competencies.... or sumat similar... :oops: :oops: :p :? :)

Reference to your request to put me behind the guard on the weekend, I must regretfully decline the offer due to other commitments.

As you may be aware, I have been supporting the guard on a regular basis, however I feel that further attendance would merely strain your resources, and could potentially inconvenience the duty officer to an unacceptable level.

I welcome your feedback, and look forward to your thoughts and opinions on this matter.

If I can be of any further assistance, please dont hesitate to contact me at the following address:

Spr Taylor
Room 142
Block 1

Where my room sprog will try and resolve any issues you may have.

With Warmest Greetings

Spr Taylor,
smartascarrots said:
"Dear Gordon

If you ever want to see your mother again, push Peter in front of a bus.


Are you going to withhold a much needed retinal-repair operation from our beloved PM?

It's a pointless threat anyway. It would take far too long to decide who gets to drive the bus and Gordon knows it ...
57Chevy said:
vvaannmmaann said:
I see a few flaws in your plan.

1,She don't do POV anymore.

2,That programme is not on the beeb.

3,You sound as if you watched an awful lot of the programme

4,What attracted you to it in the first place.A man called Kok?

Have a nice day.

I will try again

1. Didnt say it was POV could have been any TV Critic Programme.

2. Didnt know which channel it was, how do you?

3. Shocked and stunned, waiting for the lezzers.

4. Didnt know it was a bloke, and is that how you spell it. :wink: Waiting for the strap on lezzer actio.

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