Letters To The Council

Actual Letter To The Local Council

1. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and
burnt out my knob off

2. I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle very badly
when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.

3. Their 18 year old son is continuously banging his balls
against my fence

4. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the roof of the
outside toilet and I think it was bad wind the other night that
blew them off

5. The lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

6. I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from
the wall

7. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant

8. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen

9. Can you please tell me when the repairs will be done as my
wife is about to become expectant mother

10. I am still having trouble with smoke in my built-in drawers

11. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until
it is cleared

12. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is funny
colour and not fit to drink

13. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now its in three

14. Would you please send a man to repair my sprout. I am an old pensioner and need it straight away

15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road, every
morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's getting too much

16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden,
which is unsightly and dangerous

17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would
like a third so will you please send someone around to do
something about it

18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would be
pleased if you do something about the noise made by the man I
have on top of me every night

19. Please send a man with clean tools to finish the job and
satisfy my wife

20. I have had the Clerk of the Works down on the floor six
times, but still have no satisfaction

21. We are getting married in September and would like it in the
garden before we move into the house

22. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broken and
we can't get BBC2.

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