Letter home from Aussie recruit

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Mike_2817, May 5, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Dear Mum & Dad,

    I am well. Hope youse are too. Tell me big brothers Doug and Phil that the
    Army is better than workin' on the farm - tell them to get in bloody quick
    smart before the jobs are all gone!

    I wuz a bit slow in settling down at first, because ya don't hafta get outta
    bed until 6am. But I like sleeping in now, cuz all ya gotta do before brekky
    is make ya bed and shine ya boots and clean ya uniform.
    No bloody cows to milk, no calves to feed, no feed to stack - nothin'!!

    You haz gotta shave though, but its not so bad, coz there's lotsa hot
    water and even a light to see what ya doing! At brekky ya get cereal, fruit
    and eggs but there's no kangaroo steaks or possum stew like wot Mum makes.

    You don't get fed again until noon, and by that time all the city boys are
    buggered because we've been on a 'route march' - geez its only just like
    walking to the windmill in the back paddock!!

    This one will kill me brothers Doug and Phil with laughter. I keep getting
    medals for shootin' - dunno why. The bullseye is as big as a bloody
    possum's bum and it don't move and its not firing back at ya like the
    Johnsons did when our big scrubber bull got into their prize cows before the Ekka last year!

    Allya gotta do is make yourself comfortable and hit the target - its a piece
    of cake!! You don't even load your own cartridges - they comes in little
    boxes and ya don't have to steady yourself against the rollbar of the roo
    shooting truck when you reload!

    Sometimes ya gotta wrestle with the city boys and I gotta be real careful
    coz they break easy - it's not like fighting with Doug and Phil and Jack
    and Boori and Steve and Muzza all at once like we do at home after the muster.

    Turns out I'm not a bad boxer either and it looks like I'm the best the
    platoon's got, and I've only been beaten by this one bloke from the Engineers
    - he's 6 foot 5 and 15 stone and three pickhandles across the shoulders
    and as ya know I'm only 5 foot 7 and eight stone wringin' wet,
    but I fought him till the other blokes carried me off to the boozer.

    I can't complain about the Army - tell the boys to get in quick before word
    gets around how bloody good it is.

    Your loving daughter,