• This is a stand-to for an incoming competition, one of our most expensive yet.
    Later this week we're going to be offering the opportunity to Win £270 Rab Neutrino Pro military down jacket
    Visit the thread at that link above and Watch it to be notified as soon as the competition goes live

Lets invent a trade

#1
:eek: :eek: :twisted: :twisted:

My thoughts for a new all arms trade is...

Combat Master Tailor

Trade description:

The Combat Master Tailor (CMT) will have a proven track record of close quarter combat with a sharp pointy weapon, he will have achieved a high rank by stitching his mates up and also be proficient with a range of highly technical equipment, the Mk1 A1 L3 Singer rapid hitch sewing machine and the F33l fr33 staple gun. Furthermore, the CMT will have an in-depth knowledge of first aid and usually be a BCDT instructor.
 
#2
I've always thought that the REME, RAMC and the RAVC should be combined to form one corps which repairs everything from Land Rovers to Soldiers to Horses?

Everyone would be the same CEG, so it would save on trade training, the MRS would now be combined in the unit WKSP/LAD etc?

What do you think?
 
#3
New trade name for Depot Training Officer.

Person Responsible All Training. (PRAT)
 
#4
Officer correction operator (OCO)

Trade description

Able to work 24/7 in all areas of mess/office and field. Must be capable of detailed lambasting of junior and senior officers when said officers open their mouths.

Proficient in Officer speak to the tune of 15 wpm. Accurate de-cyphering of pish talking and pointless orders

Ability to enforce physical restraint when de-cyphering the above

Cleared to NATO - OFFICER STANDARD as may have to deploy with foreign officers. If this is the case then a mandatory course on lazyness will be offered but if said soldier has served with the R Signals for more than 2 months then this may be waived
 
#5
OCO.....hmmmm, like it....

The Army currently has vacancies for the role of WRAGS (walt recruiting agents)

The job requires the trawling of EBAY and airsoft sites whilst mainaining contacts in the press and police forces nationwide......

COL F-C for WRAG
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#6
S.O.L.O.

Sh!te Order Liaison Officer.

Duties and roles to include banging on about paperwork, late pay, scruffy squaddies/officers, dirty vehicles, barracks and weapons.

This is a 24 hour per day role and requires the officer to work in all areas and fields of combat and peace.

Particular emphasis on whores and beer. "That whore is in SH!TE ORDER, FCUK HER ORF AT THE DOUBLE, you shabby bunch of sorry excuses for drainage effluent, loogathastateofyewwwwww!"
 
#8
chimp503 said:
Officer correction operator (OCO)

Trade description

Able to work 24/7 in all areas of mess/office and field. Must be capable of detailed lambasting of junior and senior officers when said officers open their mouths.

Proficient in Officer speak to the tune of 15 wpm. Accurate de-cyphering of pish talking and pointless orders

Ability to enforce physical restraint when de-cyphering the above

Cleared to NATO - OFFICER STANDARD as may have to deploy with foreign officers. If this is the case then a mandatory course on lazyness will be offered but if said soldier has served with the R Signals for more than 2 months then this may be waived
I take it a baseball bat with nails in it would be part of the 1157 for said individual? and maybe a knuckle duster for minor offences like when they open their mouths to talk... :p
 
#9
OCO Regulations stipulate that a step to the rear of "432"/"tank" garage to administer a swift clip around said Officers ears is required on a first offence, subsequent offences involve group ridicule, subordinate ridicule, sexual ridicule and severe offences require the OCO to thrash said officer to an inch of his pathetic inward life

R Signals Officers are exscused the ridicule punishment as most do it on a daily basis to themselves anyway
 
#11
Command Unit of Negotiation Tactitions (.CUNTs)

like ronsil, does wat it says on the tin!

(weak i know, but would be amusing if real)
 
#12
themaadone said:
:eek: :eek: :twisted: :twisted:

My thoughts for a new all arms trade is...

Combat Master Tailor

Trade description:

The Combat Master Tailor (CMT) will have a proven track record of close quarter combat with a sharp pointy weapon, he will have achieved a high rank by stitching his mates up and also be proficient with a range of highly technical equipment, the Mk1 A1 L3 Singer rapid hitch sewing machine and the F33l fr33 staple gun. Furthermore, the CMT will have an in-depth knowledge of first aid and usually be a BCDT instructor.

The US Army really has that. MOS 43M Tent & Fabric Repair Specialist. I know that from when my Mech Infantry unit got disbanded and they wanted us all to change over to it, I resigned.

I'd rather watch frozen chicken thaw.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/201827/us-army-general-fabric-repair-fm-1016
 
#13
Workshop Administration & Noticeboard Knowledgeable Engineering Representative. Or Tiffy for short!!
 
#14
chimp503 said:
OCO Regulations stipulate that a step to the rear of "432"/"tank" garage to administer a swift clip around said Officers ears is required on a first offence, subsequent offences involve group ridicule, subordinate ridicule, sexual ridicule and severe offences require the OCO to thrash said officer to an inch of his pathetic inward life

R Signals Officers are exscused the ridicule punishment as most do it on a daily basis to themselves anyway
Otherwise known as "Contact Counselling"

Heed :)
 
#16
SparkySteve said:
ghost_us said:
The US Army really has that. MOS 43M Tent & Fabric Repair Specialist. I know that from when my Mech Infantry unit got disbanded and they wanted us all to change over to it, I resigned.

I'd rather watch frozen chicken thaw.

http://www.scribd.com/doc/201827/us-army-general-fabric-repair-fm-1016
Are they all women? Surely thats the only job they are suited for?


*COVER!!*
Sparky, thank you for the heads up. I have missed my true vocation. Going in to office to day and will submit my application to be relieved of TBO duties (Tea & Biscuit Officer) I do realise that this will mean learning a whole new set of skills though.

Instead of "I Say! How lovely, do come to tea" I will probably have to say "Is that a large tent?" and "Do you want loop stitch with that?" Happy days. By the way once I am up to speed trade training wise do pop round, I will offer you a cup of tea and sew your pecker back on for you. Other less tolerant gals than I are bound to have cut it of for you by then :lol:
 
#17
Due to the fact that females in the Army want to do combat trades I suggest


Combat armchair commando clerk

Cacc (spoken CACK)

They could really do some damage with tacs and clits er.....clips
 
#18
New trades pah,
They are already there,
People of masive expertise but no direction, the comissioned RSM

Officer: Army Regimental Specialist Officer Late Entry

A R S O L E
for short

Job Description
Tell lots of old war stories, do little as possible, never pay for drinks. Should keep you going until you are 55 and you become an RO (Retired Officer) looking out of the window of a back water Headquarters somewhere.
When your title will be A R S O L E D The D stands for De-mobbed, but really means Drunk
 
#19
Female Armoured Drill Group Enabler

FADGE

Wanted - Female instructors capable of explaining the principles of Drill to other females who are incapable of placing one foot in front of the other in some kind of military fashion.

You must be able to differentiate you left from right, forward from rear and arse from your elbow, good luck ladies.

ATB

Mac
 

Similar threads

Top