Left "holding the baby"

Discussion in 'The Other Half' started by Kat, Aug 19, 2005.

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  1. Kat

    Kat

    Whilst I very much support the plight of the Fathers 4 Justice. Im sick to death of looking for the equivalent for all of the mothers who have been left "holding the baby". I just cannot find a support group who takes the sides of children who are desperate to see their fathers!!!

    I had an amicable split from my ex and I was determined to make sure our daughter would have the best parenting she could get regardless of the situation, after all her father was leaving me not her. I put my hurt aside and kept the door open freely for visitation. My ex decided that once a month would be suitable for him. Never mind that his daughter was crying every night of the week for him. It nearly destroyed me but I would make excuses to my daughter so that he would not realise that it was daddys decision to have it this way.

    That was 4 months ago and visitation has gone down hill since then. Now its easter, summer and christmas for litterally a couple of days (if at all) and always has to return as quick as possible the next morning due to his career. The sole reason of this is because all his leave has already been spent with the women he decided to leave his family for. My daughter now realises that it is her dads choice not to see her and it hurts her although she knows there is nothing she can do about it.

    Over the months I have begged and shouted and screamed for my ex to take responsibility for his child but to no avail.

    WHERE IS THE LAW THAT MAKES THESE SO CALLED FATHERS TAKE THEIR RESPONSIBILITIES???????? I have all the worries e.g. kids being ill, transport, childminders, emotional support etc etc. whilst being the sole breadwinner. Why shoud I take the responsibility all the time? I nearly lost my job when my daughter was ill in hospital but do you think I could get my ex to take some time off even though he was entitled to time off for compasionate reasons?

    If it that hadnt been for my positive, determined and selfless nature my child wouldnt be so emotionally well balanced. In saying that I wont even begin to discuss the damage this has done to my own personal life or total lack of it!!!!!

    But its okay for these "fathers" who think that EVERYTHING in THEIR lives is more important than their children. Excuse after excuse, they make me sick!

    Someone, somewhere help me to find a support group, please. Thank you.
     
  2. Oh dear. Here we go again.
     
  3. Been knocked up by a squaddie have we dear?
     
  4. Do any of the various fathers of your numerous sprogs keep in touch Dale, or are they all being detained at her Majesties pleasure? :wink:
     
  5. Maybe if you tried searching on Google for a support group you may have better luck then posting this in an Armed Forces website. What do you think?
     
  6. Candida? 8O
     
  7. We think alike, and so does 99% of fellow ARRSE'ers!
     
  8. At the target in front, in your own time....go on.
     
  9. Ha ha haaar.

    Candida, however funny i think you are...

    Candida = Mentalist = "Whoop De Doo Basil"
     
  10. There's your problem, you moaning old cow!
     
  11. Shouldn't have popped out the sprogs in the first place, I guess. :twisted:

    Meow.
     
  12. I'm afraid you have come to the wrong place to find the information you seek. You would be better off contacting single parent groups like Gingerbread. I also suspect that the father will not play any significant in your's or your daughter's lives. Start to make your plans without him and go through the CSA for maintenance. Tough advice I realise, but that's the best on offer.

    I hope the shouting and screaming wasn't carried on in front of your daughter either.
     
  13. At the risk of sounding old fashioned and out of touch with chav culture…

    Were you married to the farther when you were pregnant or gave birth?

    If you were married then the farther is completely to blame for the child’s situation.
    If you had this child out of wedlock then you should have known that the farther was not committed to you and your child, which means you’re equally responsible for the child’s distress.

    Old fashioned family values are more successful (although not infallible) than the modern family model for a very good reason.

    I’m not having a go at you, just asking a question before I can judge the situation.
     
  14. Kat

    Kat

    As a forces wife, and under the forum "the other half" i thought this the apropriate forum to post on. With the exception of a few replys all i have found here is ignorance. Is that really what the forces build on to make a better soldier nowadays because im seeing a pattern emerge. That statement could also include the crap family support an increasing number of soldiers give their familys as more and more children suffer the same paternal neglect that my family has.

    A voice of reason here??
    "What a shame for the kid not to see its dad and to know he'd rather be shagging than spending time with her.
    I don't think there's a law in this country that forces men to see their children. Seems unenforceable somehow, especially if they'd rather be having sex on their days off."

    In answer to the previous post, yes we were married for 4 years before starting our family. We are still married now 6 years on.
    The hurt ive gone through for my husband leaving us for another women is something i will have to come to terms with.
    Months of worry while he was away on a tour of duty of Iraq doesnt help, but to find out through a third party he met this "new women" on the internet while he was on tour. He spent his R+R with her, everything about her based on this 'cyber bubble' he'd grown into and to tell his entire family he wasnt able to come home for leave due to being injured in hospital, shows what he is truely capeable of. Now
    having to take on the emotions of our child as well through no fault of her own i think im entitled to say in the least its hard keeping it together.

    Its clear to see from some of the posts here some have never had any experience of what its even like to look after a child.
    I didnt post here to bad mouth anyone, nor to receive any kind of apraisal for what ive been and am currently going through.
    My daughter doated on her father, but to tell a 6 year old "Sorry [k***E] your going to have to find yourself a new daddy" well theres just no words to describe. I came here to in the hope of gaining some genuine advice as to seeking help in the matter concerned, i put my hands up... i should have known better!
     
  15. Its clear to see from some of the posts here some have never had any experience of what its even like to look after a child.
    I didnt post here to bad mouth anyone, nor to receive any kind of apraisal for what ive been and am currently going through.
    My daughter doated on her father, but to tell a 6 year old "Sorry [k***E] your going to have to find yourself a new daddy" well theres just no words to describe. I came here to in the hope of gaining some genuine advice as to seeking help in the matter concerned, i put my hands up... i should have known better![/quote]

    Listen love if its a sympathetic ear your after your not going to get it here. As far as im concerned there are always 2 sides to every story..

    There is a wealth of support groups out there who can help you, (Listening,Offering advice etc). You obviously have access to the internet so use it a bit more wisely, Jump on Google, yahoo etc and type in your area and the type of support you need and youll find what you need.

    If that fails there are many other avenues of approach.

    1. Your Doctor
    2. Citizens advice
    3. Samaritans

    All the above can point you on the right track

    You stated that your still married, if thats so and your in a quarter you should still be able to access the Military welfare system. They alone can not solve problems but they do have access to a wealth of advice / support groups.

    Lastly Im no Trisha, so i dont have all the answers.

    Judging by your other post you do however appear to be a mentalist, so i fear you wont get anymore sensible info.

    Dont say you were not warned!!!