I have to write one in the near future and it got me thinking, does anyone have any funny oneliners or other 'general' amusing anecdotes that could be used for all and sundry?

I really don't want to go down the old line of (and I hear it at a lot of leaving functions) 'Sgt's Mess is the backbone of the British Army' and then the picking out of individuals, if you know them that well, for ridicule (going around the table saying 'remember when...'). All very good, but all very much done to death. A comprehensive 'This is my life' from the moment I walked in to the recruiting office is also bound to get people doing good 'nodding dog' impressions.

Thoughts and ideas appreciated, plus any of the usual cr*p posted as well of course! :D
Lantern_Swinger said:
Thoughts and ideas appreciated, plus any of the usual cr*p posted as well of course! :D
Well in that case you should try and use the following two statements in any speech:

Damn your googley eyes tis witchcraft!

It's been emtional! Even the cake is in tiers.

do a search on the internet under the following:

leaving speaches (obviously)
groums wedding speaches
farthers weddings speaches
farther in laws weddings speaches
best mans weddings speaches
varous speaches (?)
dinner speaches

yeah, I know you are not getting married, but you can take ideas from any or all of these, change names, places etc to suit.
refer to memerable unit p###-ups as campaigns i.e I once heard a speech refering to the USM Mess summer trip to Ilfracombe:
'then there was the infamous Ilfracombe landing-30 members embarked on the campaign, only 11 returned .......... because 19 were too drunk to catch the boat home' !
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