Leaving speaches

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by hallveg, Jun 29, 2007.

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  1. Last night I was at a works do, and there where several people leaving, speeches occurred and most were of the usual standard, dull.

    However, the last one was a belter!

    A wee man stood up on a table, Introduced himself and his opener was

    "I came to this Brigade 2 years ago, within the first week I found out that my cock hungry slut of a wife was having an affair!"

    Total silence! He then cracked on, it was without exception the best one I’ve heard, he was leathered.

    So what is the best you’ve heard?
  2. A certain WO1 gave a wonderful 3 minute speech in the mess. Sort of took the following tack:

    "I would like to say that I've enjoyed my last two years here, however I hated every moment of it. Every man jack of you is a total and utter bastard!"

    With that he downed his glass of wine and made a dignified exit stage left.

    On reflection he had been right, however the method/time of delivery was flawed somewhat!!

  3. Yeah but was his wife at the table when he said it........................ :lol:
  4. A WOII, in front of his company as he was about to leave to a nice recruiting office job,

    "If your every walking through *****, carry on walking 'cos I don't want to fcuking see you"
  5. Recently been to a dinner where a senior bod was moving sideways into a different job, and as he was halfway thru his speech, one of the lads other halves stood up, staggered round the table, and interupted his speech by drunkenly/tearfully announcing to everyone that she loved the senior bod as much/more than any of the lads did before bursting into tears......