Leadership Guidelines For Prime Ministers

When handed the keys to the best Armed Forces in the world the following guidelines will assist in gaining the best results for the Nation in the short and long term. Note: The terms Army and Soldier are synonymous with all Services and Servicemen.

Do not mess with HM The Queen as it is she we fight for not you.

Also do not mess with Phil the Greek nor his sons. They have all served and you have not. (OK you can mess with Eddy as 3 minutes in the RM doesn't count).

Understand that the work of the Army is unlike any other job and comparisons to emergency services, nurses or teachers will constantly confuse you and upset us.

Be direct and firm in dealing with us, we like that.

Given a choice we would prefer working for an honest pr*ck than a false friend.

Respect our quaint but important traditions and know that they give our lives focus and purpose; and they set us apart from other Armies.

A well trained British soldier is worth 3 in the next best Army. Boxing 'above our weight' brings great value to our Nation and provides you with serious foreign policy clout. Value it, protect it and use it wisely.

Any military action that puts one over the Frogs will be supported with added vigour.

Avoid the easy (PC) option of kicking us publically when we make a mistake. Instead punish the responsible Officer severely but quietly. You will gain great popularity amongst the troops on two counts. One they will respect your support and two, everyone enjoys seeing an Officer get a kicking.

Less money on Defence and more on benefits for idle chavs may appear politically sound but it only appears that way.

Respect our family lives and understand that 'overstretch' is not just a glib sound bite, it is real and causes great distress.

Understand that hedging against the unknown requires an Army substancially larger than that committed to current ops and that costs a lot of money.

Put the Johnnie who does Sainsbury's purchasing in charge of Army procurement as soldiers are not good at it.

Ensure Johnnie has a clear procedure for consulting the end user before each purchase.

Buy more of our eqpt off the shelf. It is cheaper and more often than not superior in quality.

Show some balls by putting all other ministers in their place particularly if their name starts with Gordon Brown.

More to follow.
Stop using spin, we're British and don't like it.

Shouting at soldiers is not bullying, it is toughening up for lifes worst form of bullying, war.
Pass an Act making the award of a Peerage and Pension guaranteed for the CDS, regardless of performance. That way they will have no arrse to lick and will provide honest and sound counsel.
Always remember that you are simply the nominated leader of the majority party in the House of Commons; you are neither President nor Head of State. Don't act like or claim to be either


Kit Reviewer
Any Secretary of State for Defence/Minister for the Armed Forces will be subject to QRs (or KRs), Military Law and Discipline.*

* As carried out in the eighteenth century.


Kit Reviewer
In accordance with the 'double jeopardy' that members of Her Majesty's Armed Forces are subject to, so too will be any Prime Minister*.

Regardless of any lifting of 'double jeopardy' on members of Her Majestey's Armed Forces, the above rule will be enforced in perpetuity for any and all Prime Ministers*.

Every two years his/her appointment will be subject to a discussion and vote in the NAAFI by all ranks up to and including Major.

Punishments will be awarded by a general vote in the NAAFI.
These may include but are not limited to:
a) Extra Duties
b) Loss/Restriction of Privileges,
c) Fines/Withdrawal of Wages,
d) Semi-permanent deployment to various carbuncles on the sphincter of humanity.
e) Physical punishments such as Remedial PT, Pokie Drill, Flogging, Running the Gauntlet and various forms of execution.

* Including any change of title from PM to President, etc.
Sometimes the highest bidder has a point. When he has, buy from him.
Birdie_Numnums said:
Pass an Act making the award of a Peerage and Pension guaranteed for the CDS, regardless of performance. That way they will have no arrse to lick and will provide honest and sound counsel.
Like it was when we used to promote people to Field Marshall - Automatic seat in the Lords...
Take an interest in what the Army does and visit training (without cameras) occassionally. You will get a better understanding of us and earn some respect.
Paying soldiers more will help retention its not rocket science

If we say the kit is no good then we mean it faulty computers at the MOD cause’s delays faulty radios in war cause deaths

Remember you like the rest of the population rise and sleep under the blanket of security that we provide don’t question the way we do it just say thank you and be upon your way

Similar threads

Latest Threads