Lazy Cnuts

According to this story on the BBC 80% of us think we work with someone who is "dead wood" and not pulling their weight at work:

The survey identified the tell-tale signs of people not pulling their weight, according to both employers and employees, including:

Prioritising personal life over work
Refusing extra responsibility
Passing off colleagues' work as their own
Both employers and employees agreed that the major reason for someone failing in their job was sheer laziness.
^ I recognise this one. Oh yes. I've worked with a few idle bar stewards in my time. Who's the laziest, idlest, most utterly fcuking workshy oxygen thief you've ever worked with? Did they get their comeuppance?

Passing off colleagues' work as their own
:evil: That one makes me mad! It is essential in Higher Education to continue researching, publishing, presenting, and so on. One ex coleague gets the top mark for being a nasty, lazy fecker by applying for a new job with a presentation that was my work, he just changed a few bits and pieces, but basically, the somewhat revolutionary idea was mine and so was the research and the snazzy title, etc. Son of a female dog! W*nker! He got the job. Nice to know they were suitably impressed with the innovative approach and sound argumentation. :evil: Makes me want to send Mr F's "big green things" to his house and have a "word" with the fat git.

Funnily enough, his new boss "somewhow" heard from a colleague who is a friend of a colleague who plays golf with a colleague that he did exactly what he did...... :twisted:
I knew a guy called Rob M****r at HQ 1(BR) Corps in the 80's. He would come into work, find an empty carawagon and goto sleep until NAFFI break, and then repeat until lunch then totally vanish until knock off. This went on for 1 year until he was called into the AO's office one morning and was told to pack his bags and get the f**k off camp as he was a civvy as of 4pm that day.
Admittedly, he had balls. he went back into the AO's office and said 'So there's no chance of leaving drinks then?'
I worked with one of these lazy cnuts in my office, until i realised it was a mirror!!!
The proles in my office are a study in demographic diversity. We have people from practically every racial/cultural/social/age grouping. The one thing they all seem to have in common is their sloth-like nature. In short, they are a lazy, idle bunch of wasters. They seem incapable of getting off of their arses even to make the simplest of adjustments to their environment.
Being an evil sod who derives great pleasure from the discomfort of fu*kwits, I often exploit their laziness for my own entertainment.
For example, we have a large central open plan office for the plebs, with the nice plush half-glazed offices for managers (including me) around the outside. In the last 24hrs the ambient temperature here has dropped by about 10degreesC, those of us with our own offices have adjusted our A/C accordingly but the huddled masses would rather freeze than even consider taking any kind of action.
I first noticed that the office was getting a bit chilly this morning, but true to form, rather than do anything about it, they just grumbled a bit more and put on any extra clothing they had. This sort of behaviour infuriates me, so at about 11.30 I went and surreptitiously cranked their A/C up to maximum. Its freezing out there now, I swear you can almost see their breath.
On a similiar vein, In the company toilets there are cupboards where the cleaners keep the bleach, bog rolls etc. If I get out of bed on the wrong side, feeling grumpy and determined to spoil someones day, I go in early, take the bog rolls out of the traps and put them back in the cupboard. I can then savour the site of disapointed flunkys coming out of the toilets still fully bombed-up.

Oops, gotta go, it looks as though one of our admin-elves has finally succumbed to hypothermia! :twisted:
I used to work with two blokes who were experts at being there when something sexy was happening but miraculously disappearing when it came to the actual work.

After a protracted operation we nicked a gang for quite a complicated deception involving credit card fraud. The evidence, I kid you not, filled up the back of three high-top Ford Transit vans.

So, by the end of a very long day we are bailing or keeping in custody multiple suspects and I'm starting the biggest evidence log in the history of evidence logs (Hogspawn and Supertrooper, it took about thirty 66's).

I say to these two, who had done nothing but kick the doors in and handcuff people, "So, who's in tomorrow to help me with these exhibits?" (staring at the dozens of plastic bags full of credit card and mobile phone bills on the office floor).

"Oh," one of them replies, "I'm going skiing tomorrow."

"I'm off to Tenerife!" Said the other.

The fcukers had taken leave knowing full well that the graft starts the day after the doors go in, which just happened to coincide with the day after the arrests. Because they were buddies with the sergeant and I was the new boy they all got commendations/ tea/ medals etc and I just did all the work.

Wnakers. I put my papers in for a transfer the following month; they were too bedded in to take revenge on and I won't work with floggers like that. Although I did take the opportunity to let just about everybody in The Met know what happened.

One of them is still working at the same nick, pulling the same tricks.

Incidentally, I had always been aware that her father was John Voight, but coudnt ever see any resemblance until the BBC screened "Midnight Cowboy" this week. Feck me, the young Mr Voight looked exactly as Ms Joly would if she accepted Russian citizenship and took up putting the shot 8O
Laziest shit I ever worked with was at 101 Pro. They had an OC who came into work in the morning (stinking of gin) who'd wait until mail arrived then he'd scoot of to the bar and reappear in time for the afternoon mail then piss off home (via the bar again). Tw@t even had the cheek to get my Sgt to ask if I had an alcohol problem as he'd seen me at a inter regt footy match with a bottle of beer!

Eventually he got posted back to UK when he hadn't even be bothered to do the piddling amount of work that the CO had left him to do during his absence on leave. Being an orifice of course meant he didn't get the sack like any non-com would.

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